How can you tell when someone who's dying of cancer is near the end?

Question

My brother-in-law was diagnosed with liver cancer 4 years ago. They cut out what they could, but I believe it had already spread into the colon and intestines. They cut out a lot of intestine also. He is suddenly extremely worse. Eating very little,( he worked up to a few weeks ago), and isn't getting out of bed. She says he has no flesh or muscle left on his body. He's just a skeleton. She has three teen sons at home, and nobody has prepared them. She is afraid he won't make it until Christmas, I'm 3,000 miles away and don't know what I can do to help. I have told her to call Hospice, for that may give her some relief, but my question is since he's still walking, is there a chance he could go suddenly?

Answer 1

This is terrible. My father was diagnosed in September with Lung Cancer (non smoker) and the doctors gave him 12-18 months. I went to visit him in England 2 weeks ago and he was okay but starting to be in pain. I had only been back here for 4 days when I got the call to say he had died suddenly, and I have spent the last week in England with my family.

She must prepare her children, it is a dreadful shock when you are not expecting it, my dad just collapsed and died.

Answer 2

Cancer is still the dreaded disease that it was 30years ago even though treatments and early detection rates have improved significantly. Yes, liver cancer is a very serious disease and it appears that your aunt has now developed an associated condition called ascites, which is an accumulation of fluid in the abdominal cavity. Such a development could be used for prognostic purposes. However the build up of fluid might be due to some other medical condition. Urge your aunt's closer family to arrange a meeting with her consultant so you can get a more accurate picture. These are worrying and upsetting times and she now needs your family's strength and support. Best of luck.

Answer 3

It's difficult to know when it's the end.

I have to say it often depends on the sufferers will to live. And then it's a case of mind over matter.

On the physical side of things, cancer tends to be deadly when it enters the liver (bloodstream).

Think your advice on the hospice was correct, they'll soothe her and offer assistance should he require hospitalization. The children can be having counselling sessions now if she wants to get the hospice to arrange that.

Remind her that she is not to blame, she's in one hell of a hard situation and you can not prepare anyone for the death of a loved one. You can only take the help that you need after the event and make sure the family unit is kept living and healthy.

Happiness does return after time but tell her to take help, for herself as well, she must take care of herself.

He may live a long long time but does he want to?

Answer 4

Depends what caused his recent deterioration. He may have an acute infection which may be treatable, or it may be that the cancer has spread and is now becoming terminal. The doctor and nurses involved in his care will be able to give a good estimate as to how long he has to live if it turns out he is dying.

Whatever the reason for this downswing, and whether it's a day or a year, the boys need to be informed. If nothing else, it'll give the time they have left with their dad a special clarity and they'll remember it much better. They may also make an extra effort to spend time with him, and they will have the chance to start preparing for the worst.

Good luck, you and your family have a tough time ahead, I wish you well.

Answer 5

I am so sorry that youre family is going through this at what is supposed to be a joyful time of the year. I nursed my father in law through pancreatic cancer, his cause of death was liver failure as a result of the cancer and unfortunately, his passing came within a week of him reaching the stage your brother in law appears to have reached. During the whole time my father in law was ill, my then 7 year old daughter was present with us and understood everything that was going on, she was also here in the house with us when he passed away. She handled the situation so much better because she was aware of what was happening with dad and had time to say her goodbyes properly.
I hope the end comes peacefully and gently for your brother in law, not all deaths from cancer are painful! Please give your sister and her children as much emotional support as you are able, it is very, very hard to watch someone go this way, and the reality is that it could come any time. I will be thinking of you all during this difficult time.
Anna H I will be praying for you and thinking of you too

Answer 6

Oh dear, I am so sorry to read your news. Cancer has a habit of visiting my family and taking a few of them when he goes away again. The only way I can tell that they're very close to death is the distant look in their eyes. Some die during the night, my father during the day. Morphine is a great help, it eases their pain and sends them to the land of dreams. Their breathing becomes rather shallow and in the end stops. It is at this time we stay silent so that death is peaceful.

If your brother-in-law is walking around - it doesn't mean much. My father was sitting up in his hospital bed laughing and joking with us and looking as healthy as anything, but he died the next day.

What you told your sister sounds sensible to me.

Answer 7

When my Father died from cancer it was a long and drawn out affair. He became very weak and bed bound then slowly started to drift in/out of conscientiousness.He eventually fell into a deep sleep and died. He was on a hospice ward at the time and I think everyone dies slowly from cancer once the end is near. The fact that he is still walking unaided should be seen as a good sign.

Answer 8

The Hospice advice is the best thing you could do at that distance. I know a number of people who have used them and they have always been wonderful at each agency. They will work with the family and deal with all the concerns you have mentioned.

You can usually contact them through a social worker at the hospital.

Answer 9

I am so very sorry to hear of your situation especially at Christmas time. My grandmother died of breast cancer and us as a family was able, with their help, to keep her at home unitl the end. It is a remarkable organization with people that are trained in ALL aspects of death and dying. My grandmother got down like that but was able to rally for a few months. Then she got very ill and thus passed away quietly in her sleep. It is very possible that he could have a good rebound; however, call hospice as they can help in all aspects of the emotional and physical tramas that he and the family are experiencing. My heart and prayers go out to you.

Answer 10

Im am so sorry to hear that your family is going through this. I think every case is probably different but my grandfather diead from lymphoma (cancer of the lymph nodes) and he just slowly drifted away. The main thing i noticed was the amount of time he was sleeping. He slept more and more and more until he eventually passed away. I think it was probably the most peaceful way after what he had gone through. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts over the holiday.