My fiance and I are to be married in July. We recently moved in together. On Sunday he told me that he is not sure if he wants to get married. He said he loves me and wants to be with me. But, he is afraid that it won't work out or he won't be happy. He said he is also afraid of getting a divorce. He said he isn't sure if he wants a forever with anyone. That it's a big deal and he's afraid that it's not what he wants. I chalk it up to a case of pre-wedding jitters. I told him that it's okay to be scared and that I'm scared too. I told him no one knows if it will work but you have to take that chance. He said he doesn't know if he wants to take that chance. I told him that I would stand by him while he worked through this. He has seemed fine since our talk. But, I'm so afraid that he isn't going to want to marry me now. Any advice? If you had pre-wedding jitters, how did you calm them for yourself or your significant other?
2006-12-19 00:40:35 · 13 answers · asked by Kimberly P 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
seems like more than pre wedding jitters its best to know now than later.
2006-12-19 00:45:38 · answer #1 · answered by dee_ann 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had pre-wedding jitters 33 years ago and here I am still married. Pre-wedding jitters are not uncommon. A lot has to do with all of the hoopla surrounding weddings. Why do some marriages work and others don't? Sometimes it is because people give up too easily. Marriage is hard work - so are all things worthwhile. No marriage is perfect. Combining people from two different backgrounds (no matter how similar they seem) is compromise. Heck, just living with roomies at college is a challenge! Most religions offer pre-marriage counseling if you think that would help. What made my jitters go away? When I discussed the fact that I might not be able to carry a child due to female problems my husband to be offered to have a vasectomy before we got married if getting pregnant would be dangerous to my health. What a gift for a male to offer - BEFORE marriage....giving up his right to father a child. Luckily we have two beautiful children - one adopted and one natural....both gifts. People often think we have a perfect marriage - heck, we have had rough times like anyone else....but we always were willing to work through them. Good luck - things will be wonderful. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
2016-05-23 07:09:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry Kim, but i agree with Sydney, This guys doesnt want to marry you, and if he does i'm gonna bet 2000K that it won't last. I know that may sound harsh, but thats not the jitters. Saying that you don't know if you want to be with anyone forever is not a jitter issue. Also, what that really means is that there is something that he doesnt like in the relationship. If you were EVERYTHING he wanted. He would want to be with you FOREVER and ONLY YOU!!!
The divorce rate is not over 50% for nothing! Don't be another stat!
On the positive side you can talk and get some counsling and find out what things each of you have accepted and what each of you have tolerated. When you accept things, you accept them, Example, He alway cracks jokes about my sisters weight. That will NEVER bother you, When you only tolerate things, it will eventually build up and blow up and it will lead to one more reason for divorce, Example, He is always running behind when time to leave. He tells you I've always been this way! Your answer, Well i can't take it anymore! That would make you in the wrong.
I'm glad that your giving him time, its not good to rush into this. But its not good to be living with him, and its even worse if your fornicating with him! Because now he really has no reason to marry you since he has everything he wants. A beautiful women at home thats technically nor legally is not his wife, dual income, and Sex! If he wants to marry you he can wait! thats the way people used to do it, Thats the way me and my wife did it!
I think any married couple will tell you INVESTIGATE ALL HESITATIONS! you will know what a jitter is and whats not!
2006-12-19 01:53:55 · answer #3 · answered by Gyasi M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself and your boyfriend this question: is there any other person on the planet that i would rather spend any time with? the answer should be no. i went through the jitters, as did my fiance. but we always came back to that question, and the answer was always the same: i don't want to spend time with anyone else more than i do this person. Now, that doesn't mean that you won't go through ups and downs, where you are a little sick of each other, and need a break. however, i'm talking on the whole, your fiance should be the one person in the world that you yearn for at the end of the day. more than your girlfriends, your mom, your sisters, whomever. and your fiance should feel the same.
2006-12-19 01:15:10 · answer #4 · answered by kayzee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to disagree with the poster who said we ALL get pre-wedding jitters. I certainly didn't, and as far as I know neither did my husband. I would suggest that, since the wedding is still 7 months away, the two of you consider going into couples counseling. Getting input and advice from someone who has no emotional connection to your relationship might help clarify the situation for both of you. Best of luck!
2006-12-19 02:12:33 · answer #5 · answered by ckmclements 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl!!! You need to check in with him and see if he is feeling any differently. Just because he's seemed fine doesn't mean he really is. We ALL get pre-wedding (Am I F-ing my life up?) jitters. But if you love someone, they pass away and nomatter what, you are willing to take the chance.
I know it is scary, but if he is backing out of the wedding, then you need to THANK THE GOOD LORD he is doing it now instead of backing out of your marriage two or three years from now when he's "Taking a chance" with the cute blonde who delivers Sparkletts to his office!!!
2006-12-19 01:10:58 · answer #6 · answered by coco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he either doesn't want to marry you, or he isn't the committing type. I would seriously rethink this relationship and postpone the wedding indefinitely.
My husband and I have been married over a year and he asked me to go ring shopping after only one month of dating - he proposed 3 months later to try and surprise me. We didn't get nervous before the wedding because we knew we were making the right decision.
2006-12-19 01:21:10 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Had the jitters before and after our wedding. It is normal to be wary, if you weren't there would be something wrong with you. It is scary as you are committing yourself to another person for the rest of your life.
I am happy to report, that we have so far had 19 years of bliss!
2006-12-19 00:46:27 · answer #8 · answered by Alexandra 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he needs to be more optimistic! I havnt got nervous yet, but my brother had to be put on medicine like a week before the wedding because he got so nervous that he came down with virtigo or somthing where he was very dizzy and sweating every second.... He sounds like he will be coming down with somthing right before too! Good luck with that!
2006-12-19 00:50:54 · answer #9 · answered by smitty4626 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes indeed. I cried a lot I was so nervous I think I begun pushing everyone away. But it all worked out in the end. Good luck
2006-12-19 00:43:49 · answer #10 · answered by seandel g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋