What would make someone change their mind?

Question

I've always known that I don't want to have kids. The idea of spending years driving to soccer practice and doing extra cooking and cleaning doesn't appeal, never mind the hideous business that is pregnancy and childbirth, but I hear loads of women 'change their mind' when they get to my age. What makes them change their minds? At what point do you say 'I've got too much money and spare time, and I've acheived everything I want to acheive in life; I think I'll have a kid.'?

I just can't imagine changing my mind, but everybody assures me, in highly patronising tones, that I will. What would make me change my mind, give up who I am and turn into a mother?

I'm 31 & unmarried.

Answer 1

I'm 48 and childless, so obviously not everyone changes their minds, but....... some of the people I know who have, say it's because their husbands, who they met after their initial declarations of childlessness, basically broadened their horizons, and made the concept of kids and all the accompanying errands, work and apparently great joy seem very worthwhile.

Answer 2

To be a parent is a completely selfless act. It is the child first no matter what no matter when. It is very hard at times and it sounds like something that does not interest you. You might not ever change your mind. There are some people who are made to be parents and others who arent. Do not let anyone pressure you into thinking you HAVE to have kids....because children need to come into this world loved and wanted. The need someone who is 100% selfless and ready to give 100% to them. If YOU decide and only you, that you have changed your mind and for the right reasons, then that would be great, if you don't there is nothing wrong with that either. Good luck to ya in life!! Merry christmas

Answer 3

Totally agree, I'm 32 and at no point has that biological clock started ringing with me and I hope it never does.

I hate it when people give you that pitiful look when you say you don't want kids, like you're missing out on something! Yeah right, I'm really missing tantrums, screaming and the endless chorus of "I want, I want".

I do think there is something genetic that can kick in though. My friend really was always like me, then she got to 30 and went nuts for a baby. I just find the whole thing weird. As for pregnancy and childbirth, yes how can that be "natural". Hideous. I don't understand why any woman would want to part with something the size of a small cow.

Answer 4

Some women do and some don't ever have children. I hate it when people make you feel like there is somethin wrong with you because of a choice you have made for yourself. I am about to give birth to my third child, but my older sister has none. I don't think she ever will and that's her choice, some people just don't want kids. I have seen women change their minds after marriage, or a death in the family(heaven forbid) some times it's a big life altering thing that does it. If you really don't want kids that's you choice though and no one has the right to tell you different or treat you badly because of it. As a mother of three I can assure though that I have not given up who I am, I have expanded on it. It has made me more of who I am.

Answer 5

I was adamant that I didn't want children (being phobic of pregnant women just reinforced it) but then I met my husband and I suppose some sort of biological clock kicked in. I suppose it was a mixture of two things - biological clock and meeting someone that I did want to have children with. Having an accident with contraception and getting pregnant finally made my mind up for me. I was 35 when I had my baby and I know that it was the right thing for me. There are no wrong or right answers as to whether you want to have a child or not. I think that people should support other's choices and not harass people like you who have different goals and aims in life. But it cuts both ways: I don't expect to be looked down on by those women who chose not to have children because I have chosen a different path from them, although I still work full-time and have a successful career.

Answer 6

It's a personal choice. There might come a time where you might want to have a child. It's all about choices. I've been fortunate to have a good father for the my two children. If I wouldn't have gotten pregnant I think I would've been totally content spending money on myself. Children are very expensive. Statistics show that professionals have less and less children. It is a selfish choice I agree with. You can not be a great parent if you don't want to be there emotionally and physically. Someone I know told me some time ago that she's just simply to irresponsible for a child. She knows her limits. I think it's great. I wish more parents would do the same. Look at all the children available for adoption and/or foster care.

Answer 7

If you don't want any, don't have any!

My baby is now four and half months old and he's very cute. All the family and friends are asking when I'm having another and I said I'm not. I'm also not changing my mind. It's really hard work and I told them I'm not gonna have a baby that I don't want, it will be unfair to the baby and to me!

My hubby wanted another baby already and since his mom passed away about a month ago, he changed his mind. He said he will be too sad to have another one that she won't be able to see. You can maybe use something like this as an excuse (I know I sound horrible) but it will keep other people from bothering you. I know, people can be so demanding, but at the end it's you that will have to take care of that baby.

Answer 8

Nothing has to change your mind, most of these women wanted children to begin with secretly. I have 3 grown daughters , one has a child the other two do not and why would anyone try to pressure them, I have 3 stepdaughter who could care less about their children. So if you do not want them at any time just tell people you do not want them and there are plenty to be adopted if you pass a child bearing age or don't want to go through child birth. There are more than enough women to have children out there, yours will not hurt population growth. My brother is in his late 40's never had a child, will not date a women or marry a women that has or wants children, he has no use for them. And I honor a person that knows what they don't want and sticks to it.

Answer 9

Im 30 and I did not want kids when younger then at about 26 I badly wanted then going from bad relationship to awful relationship looking for a husband to help me produce babies. At 30 Im single pregnant happy, I just don't want the man. A child makes my life complete as long as you know what is right for you and what makes you happy great. Only thing is you have to be sure as time is ticking on and after 35 you cannot have ivf.

Answer 10

Personally I think being a mother is the most honorable and noble thing that you could ever do. And some aren't even lucky enough to be able to experience it. I look forward to doing the greatest thing that I could ever do with my time and energy, taking care a whole other human life, in hope that the time that you spent would someday make a difference to that child and that child could someday maka a difference to someone else.
As women that is what we are made to do best, have children and raise them with love and compassion.
But if that isn't what you want to do there is nothing wrong with that, everyones experience and thoughts are different, that's what's so great about living now in this era is that you have that choice. Best of wishes.