Although he is in no way violent or aggressive when he's drunk, my boyfriends alcohol dependency is putting enormous strain on our relationship. He doesn't drink as much as he used to, but will still sit at home by himself and put away a litre of spirits (on the majority of nights in a week) a) just for the sake of getting drunk b) if he's denied alcohol he can't switch off, relax or sleep. It is also seriously affecting our sex life, as I greatly dislike only having sex when he's drunk, but he doubts his performance when he's sober (despite being told otherwise!)
He has often said he knows he drinks too much and would like to cut down, but seems unwilling to actually do anything about it. It is starting to affect his health. I would like to know what steps I can take to help us both understand and tackle the problem together without making him feel undermined.
I love him very much and aside from his drinking he is a wonderfully caring, loving and intelligent person.
HELP!!!
2006-12-18 20:22:17 · 9 answers · asked by parrotrustler 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I am a recovering alcoholic myself. I was an binge alcoholic. I could go for a while and not get drunk, but when I wanted to, no body was going to stop me.
If your bf doesn't see himself as having a problem, he is in denial. He needs to go to AA, but only if he is ready to give up the booze.
You, my dear, NEED Alan-non for yourself. You too have dysfunctional behaviors called enabling him, and codependent, he is your alcohol.
My husband is a recovering addict of one year. That only happend after I left him alone, and started getting help for myself. We learn to have behaviors that enable them to use or drink. We learn in Alan-non how to detach, so we no longer enable them
But.......if you are going to stay, you need to learn about yourself first, about alcoholism, and how to help yourself. (whether he goes to AA or not) But........if you don't want to do the work, of AA/Alan-non, then you need to leave. But you need to make a decision what you are going to do with your self, with or without him.
I know this from personal experience, I have been married to my husband for 20 years, and this is the first year of him being clean. My first year of admitting I wasn't helping him any, because I wasn't helping myself.
I have 8 yrs. of recovery time of being sober.
Look up the Alan-non groups in your area, and begin to admit you are powerless over your alcoholic, and the only person you can help and change is YOURSELF! It takes courage to do this, and a lot of hard work, but it works if you work the program. 90 days, 90 meetings and the first 90 pages in the "big book" of Alan-non or AA. It doesn't matter, the only thing that changes, is that you aren't drinking, but the program is basically the same. You can buy a "big book" at any AA/Alan-non meeting. Also, read the book "The Courage to Change" and you get a "one day at a time" book, in the courage to change. It is all a 12-Step program, and it is very good, if you use the steps to help yourself, not your bf.
2006-12-18 21:13:24 · answer #1 · answered by Ikeg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholics Anonymous is your first point of contact, but until your partner admits he has a problem then any therapy is problematic.
AA do not have a good 'cure' rate. I don't think its as low as 1% but not far off, also they demand a lifetime commitment to staying of the booze by attending AA for the rest of your life. Some people find this very of putting and this in itself can drive them back to drink.
Look for other recovery programmes, there are other groups other than AA, but try to keep away from those that have 'ulterior' motives. Narcanon is supposedly a drug rehabilitation organisation, but is supported and financed by the church of Scientology.
Good luck
2006-12-18 20:42:02 · answer #2 · answered by Corneilius 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you have an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) 12 step program, in your area or something similar to it. It's generally free and donations are accepted.
I hope you find your road to recovery together.
If he's not willing to go to meetings, you should attend by yourself as a co-dependent - you will be provided with information how to deal with and understand what he is going through and things you can do and what to expect.
It's very informative and you will learn alot.
Good luck!!
2006-12-18 22:54:26 · answer #3 · answered by hot single mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I agree that he needs to see that he has a problem, and he needs to have the desire to fix it, otherwise the chances of it being corrected are much less. AA can offer support for you, who is living with someone with a drinking problem. I'm pretty sure they can give you some useful tips on how to deal with it, so give them a try and hopefully they'll be able to help you out. All the best
2006-12-18 20:38:45 · answer #4 · answered by Lochie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to say this. This comes from a daughter of a Commisioner of alcohol andsubstance abuse, hes also a dr in psych.
You need to stop enabling him. That means you do a intervention and tell him to not just cut down but alll together sstop drinking or you will leave and never talk to him again. Tell him your sick and tired of taking care of him and its time for him to help himself. Tell him he either goes to detox or thats it. Dont return his calls, move out, and thats that. I know thats not what you want to hear. But sounds like your boyfriend hasnt hit rock bottom. Hes not oging to stop drinking whn he has u taking care of him putting up with his ****. you deserve better. I would also have his family in on the intervention. Alcohol rehab or detox center can help you with a intervention. Its time for him to take responsibility for himself. There is a group called allan non a councelor or phonebook might have a contat number for meeting lists etc. That is fo u getting support. I hope that you take my advise. But he needs to get sober for himself. Not for u or anyone else. You putting up with his **** and allowing him to eat and live with you doesnt help him get sober. You need to tell him no more or else and then stick to your guns. remembner you deserve better than this. hugs ake care gl
2006-12-18 21:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by shannon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The very 1st subject you need to do is touch your interior sight A/A financial ruin. they are particularly specialists on your subject. If there is not any longer one on your area they provide you each and every of the techniques you could desire to get him some help. If I have been you, i could additionally contain his & you're relatives when you have spoken to an A / A councelor. have self assurance me... from adventure...those human beings keep lives. I choose you properly & i'm hoping each and everything works out for the the two one in each and every of you.
2016-10-18 11:40:21 · answer #6 · answered by johannah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he admits to a drinking problem there is little you can do save support or leave him. Apart from that you should seek advice from your doctor, alcoholics anonymous or a rehab centre.
2006-12-18 20:27:08 · answer #7 · answered by Flab 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't force him to quit. It just doesn't happen that way. When he's ready, suggest AA. In the meantime, go to Al-Anon.
2006-12-20 08:24:24 · answer #8 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/
That's probably the most abundant resource there is. Best wishes!
2006-12-18 20:26:55 · answer #9 · answered by starofiniquity 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋