We spent christmas, and thanksgiving with them last year and this year we decided to spend it with my side of the family. I tried to make it better by trying to open up to my mother inlaw and letting her know that we don't want them to feel ingnore so they don't think I am trying to take their son away; but all she did was blow me off. My husnad tried to back me up but he only made a comment or two and stayed quite. After that, she just kept on talking about other things. Then in conversation with another family member, this family member tried to say that the reason why my husband is sick (gallstones) is because someone is upsetting him. (saying I upset him) I had to say something and I did. It is just so hard, I don't even want to to visit them anymore. My stomach goes in a nut and feel that I will always be judge no matter what I do. But I have to go because it is my husband's family. I just get SO stressed and even upset, that I take out on my husband.
2006-12-18 20:08:21 · 4 answers · asked by Ruby 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't want to take out on my husband but it so hard.. I just don't knwo how to deal with it or wha to do. He is so good to me and I want to be the best I can be for him. I love him and he is my world. If anyonw out there can just give some advice on how to deal with family members who are just waiting for you to do something wrong or are very competitive for attention please help!
2006-12-18 20:10:29 · update #1
You are going to have to build a hard shell. It's no fun having to deal with people who are looking for the tiniest reasons to comment about you.
Remember, you love and married your husband. That's all that should matter. As long as the two of you are happy, ignore the comments from his family.
As long as you feed into their comments, you will have stress and taking it out on your husband, isn't the answer.
I suggest, be polite, try to enjoy something while you're there and if they start in on you, just stare at them, without commenting.
If they can't get a rise out of you, then eventually they'll quit harassing you.
2006-12-18 20:21:30 · answer #1 · answered by rustybones 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is with you on this, and that being the case, I think your best bet is to make this decision together. The suggestion I would offer is that if both of you find it stressful to spend time with his family, just don't do it. Life is too short for all the unneeded stress. Spend your time together somewhere else or doing something else less stressful and more enjoyable.
Sure, his family will probably call you on it. In that case, be very blunt and truthful and be prepared to hang up the phone quickly. You and your husband need to take back control of the situation, and the only way to do that is to let the in-laws know who really IS in control.
2006-12-18 20:39:50 · answer #2 · answered by G A 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In laws are difficult at times. I think that you should try your best to ignore them. Go to your families Christmas this year. They had him last year and it is only fair. They need to get over it. If they make you feel that uncomfortable tell your husband he needs to say something to his mother about it. If it doesn't work then don't go to their functions. Really if it is that bad you should not have to subject yourself to it. They will learn once he spends time with you and not them that they have to put forth some effort to get along and make you feel welcome.
2006-12-18 20:45:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to put as much space between you and them as possible. They are obviously not going to warm up to you, so you have to limit your contact with them for your own health and sanity. Maybe your husband should visit them by himself.
2006-12-18 21:38:43 · answer #4 · answered by Voodoid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋