A close friend of mine just lost her 7 mo old grandson. The funeral was 100 miles away and I could not attend. I did send a card and money. A mutual friend is now mad at me for not attending. She really laid a guilt trip on me.
2006-12-18 19:45:09 · 24 answers · asked by shoebuyer2001 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Your mutual friend has no right to judge if you attended the funeral or not. Some people find it difficult to attend funerals, especially for children. If she were really a friend she would try to understand why you did not instead of guilt tripping you. I would keep in contact with your close friend that lost her grandson and let her know that although you were not there in person, you were there in spirit and have them in your thoughts and prayers. Offer to be a friendly comforting ear for her if she needs to talk. Ignore the rude mutual friend, it sounds like she has her own issues to deal with.
2006-12-18 19:52:24 · answer #1 · answered by MimGregg 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I never really go to funerals but maybe I'm a selfish person. They don't make me feel any better (only more upset) and I don't need to prove anything to anyone. I went to my grandfather's funeral only because my immediate family wanted me there and they would have been mad if I didn't show up. Since I didn't want to upset them any further, I went. You had a perfectly good reason not to attend and your mutual friend is obviously making a big deal out of something that should just be left alone. You sent the card and that's enough. You can't constantly live your life for other people and drop everything in your life for events that occur in theirs.
2006-12-18 20:03:37 · answer #2 · answered by Pico 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Attending a funeral isn't always necessary, you sent a card with money, you did show that you had them in your heart and prayers but had something else to do. Many people do not attend funerals, they say they want to remember the decedent as they last saw them and then some people are just creeped out by funerals. Give the guilt trip back to that "friend".
2006-12-18 20:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you couldn't go, then you couldn't go. It is just as important to show you care and support AFTER the funeral as well. It seems that often times, there is a flury of activity between the time of death up until the funeral is over -- then nothing.
Particularly if you were not able to attend the funeral, call or visit your friend over the next few weeks to let them know you are thinking of them.
Christmas is often a very difficult time for people who have expereienced a loss, so this would be especially meaningful over the next few days.
2006-12-18 21:08:37 · answer #4 · answered by Joe B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i will't say that i have ever heard of that, yet i replaced into 6 months pregnant when I attended my grandma's funeral. I even spoke and that i have a healthful, captivating, satisfied 16 month previous. No detrimental funeral outcomes right here.
2016-11-30 23:01:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is obviously someone does not understand your circumstances or feelings, sending a card is fine and it shows you care but there are many reasons for not attending, give it a couple of days and send a letter or speak to your friend (the child's grandmother) and explain what happened, I'm sure she will understand.
2006-12-18 20:57:44 · answer #6 · answered by Bladerunner (Dave) 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NEVER obligated to attend a funeral. You did everything that you were expected to do. You might consider visiting your friend once everything has settled down, and offering her a shoulder at that time. So often everyone jumps in to offer support right when it happens and it is not until a bit later that the loss begins to really sink in and that is when a friend is needed most.
Don't feel bad at all. You sent the card and your condolences. That is all that was required.
2006-12-18 19:49:00 · answer #7 · answered by bashnick 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Attendance is not a requirement. Even though no explanation is necessary, in order to appease your friend just let her know that it simply wasn't possible for you to attend. And leave it at that. If she inquires further, say "I'd really rather not discuss it any further." That should send the message that her inquiry is not appropriate.
2006-12-19 00:58:04 · answer #8 · answered by mrssamikeyp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your situation, I think you did the proper thing!!
The answer in General. WHEN is it ok not to attend a funeral? If you didn't like the person ! Why be a hypocrite.
2006-12-18 22:24:15 · answer #9 · answered by MsJacqui 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its perfectly fine not to attend if you had a good reason, or at least gave a good explanation. If you didn't attend mainly because it was too far, I would question your loyalty as a "close friend" (assuming your friend who lost her grandson is distraught and needs emotional support).
2006-12-18 20:00:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋