What do you do if your guests refuse to RSVP?

Question

My family simply refuses to RSVP to anything, it is driving me nuts. My mother says to suck it up and accept it. I say its rude and that if they won't RSVP then they are off of the list. Help!

Answer 1

Yikes...sounds like you're stuck in a bad situation. There are a few things you can do, though. Make sure that you are in constant contact with your guests...whether that means sending an email or making a phone call, get those numbers! Your caterer depends on those numbers for dinner and seating purposes so it is very important to have the correct number.

This is one of the only times where I would say not to listen to your mother...it is impossible to plan for anything without those RSVPs in hand, so try to keep on top of your guests to get a number count.

If they do not respond and the wedding is tomorrow, then they won't have a seat or food ready for them at the reception. Having them at the ceremony is not a problem, but the reception is a different story. In this case you need to make a decision which might cause some drama...do you allow them to attend the reception and just pay the difference after things are done, or do you tell them that they can't even go into the reception location because they didn't give you previous notice.

It can be a very hard decision to make, but when it comes to the dollars and cents, it is a necessary one...

Answer 2

I am having a similar fear - one side of my family is not "used to" fancy dinners and having to RSVP. They are used to pot-lucks and buffets :-( I am planning to call them - if I don't hear from them I may send a postcard stating that they are welcome to come to the reception but a meal will not be provided. I don't suggest being rude as there is a chance that the RSVP is lost in the mail or something ~ but at the same time at the price of receptions these days, you do have to put your foot down and I don't think its asking too much for someone to tell you if they are or are not coming to an event.

Did you consider an RSVP card that says something like? Check here if you plan on attending - any non-replys will be an assumed notice of regret?

Answer 3

Yes it is extremely rude not to RSVP to any function where it is requested. I would not count them on the list. No response I would take as a no we are not coming. I am planning a wedding where the dinner is served. I NEED to know who is coming and what they are eating ahead of time so I can let the staff know. If they do not RSVP they will not be eating and they will not have a place to sit. You could call the people who did not RSVP and ask them if they will be coming or not just to be sure. I think it is very rude of them not to though.

Answer 4

Julia, I agree with you.... As the bride you have way too much stuff to worry about... if they don't RSVP then they Don't EAT PERIOD>.... your only making enough food for the people you know are coming... now I think you should have your mom spread the word that if you don't receive an RSVP that they wont' be able to eat.... I hate when people don't rsvp, on my respond cards I actually put in (a response is required to be served a meal) I put it at the bottom of the card, so people know to get those things back to me..... Good LUck, remember its your wedding, make them RSVP.

Answer 5

You can say they are "off the list," but if they are the type who refuse to RSVP they're probably the type to still show up.

Have you talked to the ones who haven't RSVP'd? What do they say when you ask them directly if they are coming? Just, "I don't know?" Is there any reason why they *wouldn't* come? This is your family, right? Unless it's a LOT of people, I think if I were you I'd just assume they were coming. Worse thing is you take a loss on their dinners, if you're having it catered. If your mother is the one paying for it, then let her worry about it.

I guess you could tell them what date you need to have things finalized with the caterer, and if they don't let you know by that date you can get back to them and tell them how sorry you are that their plans didn't allow them to attend your reception.

Answer 6

Ask them if they are coming then. If they say "yes" or "no", then they have RSVP'd, though not the way you wanted them to RSVP.

If they do not RSVP or at least call you to tell you (or email/tm/etc) then they are not allowed to come.

If they DO come, then they must pay there way in before entering IMO.

It is very rude to not RSVP or let you know in some way.

Answer 7

Yes, they are being rude, but that doesn't mean you can be rude in return.

You will have to phone the people who do not RSVP like they were supposed to. When you are throwing a weddding, this is par for the course, since so few people have the manners to RSVP anymore.

Answer 8

From what i have been examining on those type of wedding ceremony internet sites and books if someone doesn't RSVP attempt to be calling them. I propose who's acquainted with their RSVP ought to of been lost contained in the mail or omit placed. If that is a pair one may be wondering the different despatched it and it did not get despatched. so that you may call them and discover out for particular in the adventure that they don't look coming.

Answer 9

If your guests refuse to RSVP and then show up and expect to eat or drink, they should expect to pay for there meal..

The only reason ppl RSVP is to find out how many table settings to get, how much food and drinks to order....

It is very rude for ppl not to say yes or no on coming to your big day.. But dont stress about things. .Cause it is YOUR big day.. everything else will work out on its own..

congradulations and good luck!

Answer 10

Stick to your guns, they have to rsvp and they are off the list. Have someone not you let them know that the have to rsvp or they won't have anywhere to sit..