Need MAJOR boyfriend advice!!!!!!!!?

Question

Accidentally looked at my boyfriend's e-mail (seriously total accident). He talks about a "sweet membership" to a porn site and sends his buddy the username and password. He goes into detail about the site ...DISGUSTING. Then he starts talking about going to Hooters and hitting on a "hot brazilian girl." WTF?!! He acts sooo differently with me. This is really hurting me. I feel like I dont even know him. (we've been going out for 3 years). What do I do, do I confront him or not?

Answer 1

dump him. you dont need that trash. orrrrrr you could let him accidentally find your email account open. . . use your imagingation

Answer 2

if he leaves you alone real early and doesn't tell you why it's a red flag right there that he is most likely a player cause if he isn't doing anything bad he would tell you wants really going on. Unless he has to do something really embarrassing and he doesn't want you to know about it. But I doubt it cause you two have been going out for 7 months now and he would have already have found a way to tell you. Has he told you about his past relationships? Have you heard or know about him playing an ex? Does he not let you look at his phone or when you pick it up does he get nervous? Does he not hold your hand in front of his boys or introduce you to any of his friends and than tries to cover it up by saying that he doesn't want them to start saying thing about you and him to maybe ruin the relationship? Have you met his mom? Look at little things that would help you determine if he a player or not. But if you should listen to what you're hearts saying. Next time he runs of like that keep on asking him about it don't let him change the topic until you get to the bottom of things and you know that he is being honest with you. If you and him do brake up and you think you regret it later on it's just probably something that was meant to be for you two not to be together. The experience will one make you stronger.

Answer 3

Honestly, I have found that when people are not straightforward about sexual desires in their relationships it can potentially cause issues and frustration. Of course this hurt you! He is not being straightforward and honest with you AT ALL! You have fortunately (even though it was a violation of trust and privacy--although, I will counter-argue that your looking at his email should not have been an issue--he shouldn't be hiding things as sensitive as potentially cheating on you, etc.) found out about this! You could have ended up married, preganant or strapped with 6 kids--with this cheating dead beat. (He may not have physically cheated on you--that you know of---but he has cheated on you through thought and verbal communication with his friend!! Emotional infidelity!!)

Look, he is not honest with you or himself. I feel for your pain. I realize that you have invested 3 years in this relationship, but I hope that you have the wherewithall to end it and end it now. How you confront this situation is really up to you. You don't owe him any explaination--you don't need to discuss this with him. If he wants an explaination, just tell him that you are interested in "hot brazillian women" now and that your vibrator does it for you more than he does. *And end the conversation there. He will have a clue. I know that might be a little crass, but he is an *** and you do not deserve to put up or deal with that kind of crap. If he gives you any kind of problems--have your friends help you extricate you from his life--vice versa. Good luck! You deserve better than this and God has given you insight!! You have an angel over your shoulder!

Depending on the amount and TYPE of porn that he views--depends on whether he has a problem or not. Porn can enhance relationships, to some extent, as long as it is understood that it is not a cure all or a guide....it has led to problems within relationships...and in many cases it paints an unrealistic picture of what sex and relationships are like.

Answer 4

First of all I would NOT confront him on it. He is never going to believe that you accidently saw anything, even if that is really the case like now.

As far as the "He acts sooo differently with me." Ofcourse he does. All the things that you are discribing are TOTALLY NORMAL. Think about about we as woman do not act the same around our girlfriends and we do around our boyfriends. We tell them things we would not dream of discussing with our man or at least not right off the bat. Guys are the same way.

Your boyfriend is "Just being a GUY!". Guys discuss things like sex, girls, porn, cars, gross bodily functions. Its what they do. Him enjoying watching porn or hitting on a beautiful woman does NOT mean he loves or values you any less. The fact that he comes home to you and choses you OVER all of that should make you feel MORE secure not less. It means he really cares about you. It means even though all of that is out there you are still the most important. Don't go off the deep end he is still the same man that cares deeply for you.

I grew up with all male cousins and have had mostly all male friends. The fact is that 99% of all the things they say and the actions that they do are done solely to impress their male friends. Stupid, but sooo true. The man that has the best porn or flirts with the woman no one can have is KING for the day. Its nothing to go crazy over. He is just trying to win the competion I am sure. Its a regular male thing. Silly and harmless.

So many of my girlfriends are upset and disgusted with porn and I will tell you what I tell them. I belive that porn is a valuable thing to have. It keeps your man from going out and trying to get those things in real life. It gives him the ability to find out just want turns him on sexually in a harmless manner. It can also give him a visual key as to how to be a better lover for you. If he can see what the guys on film are doing right.. he can try it for you, thus building his confidence and maybe getting you an extra bonus you didnt know about.

My biggest advice to you is DONT PANIC. Unless he starts replacing you with the website or is taking the flirting to the physcial level you are fine. Have confidence in the fact that YOU are the one he wants. If that wasnt true he would not still be with you after 3 years.

If the porn and the flirting REALLY bothers you (and please consider what I mentioned earlier) bring it up to him. Do not tell him you know he is doing it.. or you saw his email. Just say something like .. wow I found out this girl at work is having problems with her boyfriend. He is watching porn and flirting with girls and she is just so upset about it. I feel like (and state what you want about the issue). Remember to keep about a 3rd party. You can even ask him what he thinks. This way you to can talk about the subject and no one is attacking anyone. You are discussing "Someone else's" problem.

Good luck and dont worry.. your world is still okay!

*HUGS*

Answer 5

First, you need to ask yourself. Do you trust this person?

If you trust this person, you should not be looking at your boyfriend's email. And if you do, you are obviously searching for something...

What does your heart till you?

I believe that your instincts, your gut reactions tell you something about the situation.

If you feel secure in your love and relationship, even if your boyfriend hits on someone, you would know that it's just fun not serious. If you can, you need to talk about these feelings to him. If his hitting on other people hurts you then you need to find out why you feel this way.

Also things work both ways. Don't you check out a cute guy? Don't you see a movie star and gush? For guys they are visual. For women, we like the romance. Just keep some perspective.

Answer 6

I wouldn't be too concerned with the porn thing. But as for the Hooters girl, you really should confront him about it. Your instincts will tell you whether or not he's lying.

Answer 7

in all honesty it is probably male banter,,him and his friends will not be the same as when you are there,,you have bonding going on,,you have bragging going on,you have competing going on,,all in fun but still,,he is with you and you know if all is well within your marriage and if you had never read the email,,would you still be doubtful of who and what he thinks and does?tell him you found the email but dont use it as a rod to strike him with,,he is a man and men talk about breasts,,it may seem childish but at the end of the day you appreciate him looking at yours ,dont you? same thing. if he wanted to date a tart he would have done it 3 years ago,,,he wouldnt be your boyfriend of 3 years who you consider a good guy,,say something but be wary of making it a big deal,,it may not be!

Answer 8

Masturbation for guys is very normal. I'm sure he loves you very much but all men have these urges. What you can do is sit him down and have a talk about this issue of pornography. Be sure you don't sound angry or he might get defensive or angry which could lead to worse things. As I said, masturbation is normal for guys but if you talk to him, you can try getting him to give and porn for you. If he loves you, he will but if he won't, then your relationship might have some problems that need fixing.

Answer 9

i think you should confront him..but indirectly..don't make it sound like as if you've checked his stuff and intruding into his privacy..have a casual conversation with him and asked him about stuff like that and see if he's being truthful to you..if he spilled the beans to you, then at least he's being truthful but if he tries to lie or come up with all those excuses, then you know there IS something wrong..you've been with him for 3 years..you should know better..all the best! =))

Answer 10

Of course you should confront him.
http://www.relationship-affairs.com/Unfaithfulness.html