Is it normal to hate your father?

Question

My dad's having an affair, and has been for about 2 years! I hate him in a way! He still lives with my mum, me and my sister and uses some of my mum's wages, yet he goes and sees this bi##h whenever he can! He's ruining Christmas again for me and my mum, my sis doesn't know. Plus i have to put on a front when my nanna comes for Christmas! What can I do to cope?

Answer 1

Yes, it's quite normal to experience those feelings. You see your father as the destroyer of your family unit. You need to speak to your mother and ask her why he's still around (why hasn't she kicked him out yet?). Something's got to give soon, but a two year affair with no action seems a bit too long - he must be rubbing his hands with glee. The air needs to be cleared - the family should disuss what's happening.

I hope everything works out for you all soon. Try not to hate him too much - my mother did the same to our family thirty years ago, and I still have unresolved issues because of it.

Answer 2

People will always disappoint us throughout our lives but it is doubly hard whn its a gut wrenching disapointment from some one like our fathers/mothers husbands etc - because you are just not expecting it. You have a right to be angry but the fact is if you get too involved you might not be able to keep out of it. Getting some counselling is a good idea, that way you will be able to talk to someone in a safe environment. Also there are lots of people at stake here because of your dads actions your mum, sister, nan etc. I sugest that you dont say anything before Christmas and after christmas after you have spoken to your counsellor maybe you could approach your dad or even talk to your mum. Good luck

Answer 3

Tell him straight how it makes you feel and that you would prefer not to be there when your Nan comes over at Christmas because you are tired of living a lie; but I don't know why your mum is putting up with this. It sounds like your dad is having his cake and eating it. Encourage your mum to build up her confidence and get out and about with her friends (no I don't mean pubs and clubs) then maybe she will get rid of him.

Answer 4

You poor soul. What a position to be in. Why dont you have it out in the open with your dad together with your sister and tell him you do not accept this situation and will not stand for it. He must choose. he cannot have it all his own way. Tell him you will not put up a front and hide his ways. As he lays his bed he must sleep!!!

I dont know if it will help but at least he will know your feelings.

Good luck sweetie and tyr to have a merry christmas with your mum and sister and ignore him.

Answer 5

I think it's perfecly normal and it sound slike you've got a lot to deal with , don't listen to that stupid guy who posted the answer telling you to just get over it, I reckon you should get some kind of councelling to deal with the anger, or talk to someone who has been through a similar thing. I was in a situation like yours when i was 14 and I am just starting to deal with it now and I'm 27. I wouldn't reccomend leaving it that long tho! I don't know how old you are but guesing you're quite young, talk to your doctor or teachers about getting some councelling, it will help you deal with teh situation! Good luck x

Answer 6

i can guess how you feel, you're frustrated that your dad is going out with another woman when he should be patching back the relationship and you're frustrated that your mum is timidly tolerating it instead of fighting for her rights... (unless she doesn't know, which is even worse)

what can you do? first, tell your dad you don't like him going out with that woman and ask him what's up between him and your mum. tell him this cannot go on anymore. if the talk goes no where, tell your mum about it and tell her to fight for her rights. if she's too scared to do that, i suggest you talk to your best friends or close family members to try to solve it. if nothing works, you'll have to bide time and wait until you're old enough to leave home, i guess. but there goes your trust of guys...

i know because my parents were something like that too--my dad always had straying eyes for other ladies even though he knew my mum didn't like it (and they quarreled a lot). make sure your future boyfriend RESPECTS your wishes!!! or he doesn't deserve you...

Answer 7

IT IS NORMAL TO HATE YOUR FATHER, but you do need to confront him and explain your feelings towards him and why. He's not acting fairly on you or your family. It's not fair on you to have this burden to keep everything quiet.
It's up to your dad to change the circumstances. He must make the choice and decide that if he carries on with the other woman, he must come out front and face everyone and tell the truth, or stop completely seeing this other women altogether.
MUST CONFRONT HIM or things may get worse. GOOD LUCK and take care.
Meantime seek counselling

Answer 8

What an arrogant sod he is thinking he can have it all his own way.
I really don't know the situation (is your mum scared of him) if not then why don't you you're mum & sis go away for Xmas & for just those few days think of nothing else but yourselves,you sound as if you deserve some proper fmily time without dad.

Answer 9

When nanna comes for christmas, ask her in front of dad if she's met what's her name....?

Sounds like he's using your mom, she needs for more people to know. It will give her strength and then she can kick him out. Get you a new daddy, with a license and a dental plan.

Answer 10

i can understand where your coming from and in your situation i would feel the same. the best thing you can do through his is support your mum ! she will need someone there for her. if your dad cant see what hes doing then that's his loss and your mum needs to help herself, you and your sister by being strong and defending herself! hope that helps and try and have a nice Christmas!