When your father is old and you know you have been a failure in his eyes?

Question

I didn't graduate from college with any fancy technology oriented major, just a simple BA in something i dont even use. I don't have job cause i'm having a lot of trouble finding one, and i'm not a communicative person, i'm a shy person. I just sense it in my father that he thinks im a failure even though he doesn't say it . My father is an immigrant from mexico and he was the success story in his family, he worked since young ..accomplished the most in his family coming to the usa and buying ahouse, making money, taking care of his parents financially and even helping all the other family members..and so on. But then he sees me, and i'm a nobody. right now i don't have a job but i'm going to probably end up with a simple office job but he expected alot more. wow that feels bad. But i can't do nothing, i'm not the kind he wants me to be. perhaps i dont' have the success he had cause i'm shy. should i feel bad, or let it just be?

I"m young? i'm 27 probably the only 27 year old that can't get a job...

Answer 1

wow, a bad case of low self-esteem. you need lots of motivation, push, and encouragement.

1. how do you get a job? smile, act confident even if you don't feel it, dress smartly, read up some about the job you're about to apply for, show your interest in whatever the products are.

2. accept yourself. in the process of growing up pains, you have to learn to face reality and accept yourself the way you are. once you do that, you gain self-respect, which will boost your self-confidence. and only that can make you happy, because when you're happy and contented with yourself, it will affect those around you. stay positive, that helps too. and don't pin yourself down when you make mistakes--learn from them :)

3. communicate with your father--family members. it is important to share your opinions, viewpoints, thoughts, doubts, sadness, happiness, confusion with whoever will listen. make sure whoever you share it with does not pin you down, listens to you, and respects you too.

hope these thoughts encourage you. i was like that too, shy and depressed. but i've learned and come a long way--still learning....

Answer 2

Come on give yourself more credit than that. You think that because you didn't end up like him that you are a failure. Well don't look at it that way. You accomplished more than some people even think about doing. Just talk to him. Ask him how he feels about how you turned out. No parent would tell their kid that they see them as a failure. And the only reason you feel this way is because you wanted to be like him and didn't make it. But you can't think like this. It is not a healthy kind of talk. You know what at least you actually went to college right? Don't beat yourself up. You are young and you never know what is going to happen in the future. Whatever you do don't do anything stupid. Your father will love you no matter how you turn out.

Answer 3

first, i think you may be too sensitive to what your father thinks, the same thing happened to me when a few years ago i lost my job and i just thought my mom must had been hated me so much and wanted me to find a job fast. but that's not really the case, i was jobless for a long time and my mom actually didn't say even a word, instead keep telling me be patience etc. second thing is you feel bad nowadays probably only because you're out of job, i felt the same way when i lost my job, i looked things in a negative way but after i found a job things turned better. thirdly, i don't see a big problem of working with a simple office job, if you don't feel right about it you can take further courses and upgrade yourself, you have to be patience and not to give up. afterall your dad's life is his life and you're living yours, you're two different generations persons, raising up in different environment and with different personality, so you can hardly simply compare yourself to him, it's not fair and not reasonable. if your dad thinks you are incapable then it's only his problem.

Answer 4

Don't think that way. Maybe it's just how you see yourself. I'ts all in the mind. Get you self a job, even though it's not that big and start from there.No one actually started big right away right? And one thing. Success is sweeter when you encountered troubles and trials in reaching it right?
My point is, stop thinking that your'e a bum because your father will think that way also.
Start looking for ajoba nd be proud of what you have accomplished so far. You're even lucky to have the privilege to go to school. Just get out from your shell. Overcome your shyness and that will get you to something higher...

Answer 5

First, you are not a nobody, Second, there is nothing simple about getting a BA. Third, you may not be "the success story" your father was but who says you need to "outdo" your dad?
I think you need to sit down and have a talk with your father and see how he feels instead of assuming he thinks you are a failure. Good Luck.

Answer 6

You are still young and perhaps have just not yet found something you are passionate about. Think about what you like doing and thin about what jobs might have that as part of them. You are still young, and have lots of opportunity to get ahead. Dont focus on worrying what others might think, listen to other, learn from others, but ultimatly it all comes down to you and what you want to do and what you enjoy doing. When you are happy about what you do, you will more likely be suceesful at it. Perhaps your school has a job guideance center that might help.

Answer 7

Quit crying and feeling sorry for yourself, grow up.

You are making excuses like being shy for your laziness.
You have trouble finding a job with a four year degree? Come off it.

Sounds like daddy did too much for you like putting your lazy butt through school.

You see he did fail at the most important thing.
His job was too raise kids who could take care of them self's.
Quit "FEELING" and start taking care of yourself.

Get a JOB , move out, and let him help someone who wants to try and get a head. You need to take that crappy office job cause it is all you deserve for your efforts.

Answer 8

dear i can understand ur pain and ur fathers pain also.see what i take inference from this is that ur father toiled hard and helped others.he wanted u to study and get a good job so that u dont face the kind of hardships he faced.see whatever has happened has happened there is no use crying over spilt milk.now u have to make a new beginning.First and formost thing have faith in ur self.Now sit down and write what u want from life and what are ur goals and what steps u will take to achieve those goals. caution dont write vague answers be specific and to the point.find out ur strength and weakness and after analysing that meet ur father and look straight into his eye and explain him that whatever has happened has happened and now what u want do to do in life.ask for his forgiveness.ask him to have faith in him and guide u .believe me soon u will see good things happening in ur life. be strong and have faith in urself and u will tide through.any time u need my advice reach me at [e-mail]

Answer 9

I'd say you should think of yourself. Find that job that makes you happy and that's what counts. I'm sure your father would want you happy. Success is not measured by amount of money you make or anything else.. Success is your happiness.

Answer 10

Stop living your life based on what you think someone else thinks about you. You can only be yourself. Your unique talent that the Creator has given you obviously lies in areas different from your Dad. Focus on & nourish/develope your strong points/talents and DO NOT FEEL BAD.