Am I overeacting.. or being too critical of my parents..?

Question

I don't really trust my dad at all. I don't relate to my mom at all and she's too critical of me.. I'm 15 female.. I guess all teenagers clash with their parents..

but really.. I don't trust my dad at all.. I have some resentment still.. when I was little he used to have such a bad temper! Cursing, yelling, hitting things (not people at least) I used to get really scared of him, and he had such a short fuse I was pretty damn scared...

.. I'm I just being a big baby..? should I get over what little of past there was.. lately I've noticed myself .. like trying to get other.. well not quite father figures but close enough.. like with teachers and stuff.. I know I should have a good relationship with my dad.. but guys with tempers I just cant stand.. but I know everyone has a temper

.. how do I just accept people have tempers... and get pissed off.. I dont know how

::sigh:: should I just delete this....

Answer 1

No, you are not over reacting. I know how much this hurts because I had similar experiences with my parents. Young children are scared to death when they see a parent lose it, even if they do not get hit! It is a very scary thing to witness. I think anyone growing up in that kind of environment would have a difficult time trusting people.
Just do your best. Did he improve since you were a young child? If so, he must have made some effort. Although it is an awful thing to remember, try to give him credit where it is due. Try your best to be nice to him. Tell him you want to be closer.
it is Ok to want to have another adult role model or be close to teachers. If you need someone other than your parents to support you and be there for you, that is also OK. As long as you are respectful to your parents (and it sure sounds like you are) and make an effort to get along with them and get closer to them, you don't need to feel bad for seeking out other adults as mentors.
As for tempers, well, it's very difficult to deal with that, but if you refuse to cower and refuse to give just because the person is yelling or going off on you, they will learn you can't be pushed around . even though tempers can be scary, stand your ground. People do not have a right to be abusive and if they are, then they can be reported. (yes, even yelling or fuming, because it creates a hostile environment)
Stay calm when people are angry. It goes a long way.
Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 2

Look, you are 15, and that alone is a rough time for all teenagers with everything going on around you.

Your dad has a short fuse and you know this to begin with. It's tough being a parent of a teenager and really most parents don't know what to say or do until they have raised a couple. With your dad having a short fuse, it kind of gives you a heads up on what makes him go ballistic. And he is doing the best he can, I am sure. Maybe that isn't quite what you want to hear, but consider the fact he probably cares and just wants to protect you??

He hasn't resorted to physical measures, but rather he vents on things and gets verbal. Consider yourself lucky in that respect.

I don't think you are being a big baby, I think you just have concerns and want to vent somewhere. Well, here you have vented and if it makes any difference, it has done you some good.

I know what you mean by people with tempers. I personally can't tolerate it, and there is no reason you should either. But just try not to do anything to make him go off on you and things should work out for you.

Sometimes, you just have to make the time to sit down with your dad and just have a calm, rational, conversation and discuss whatever you want to. When you are both in a relaxed mood, and can exchange ideas, it makes a lot of sense for your well-being and his, too, for that matter. You might be surprised when you sit down and communicate with him.

Worth a shot, isn't it?

Answer 3

No, you shouldn't delete it =) You have a perfectly valid and intelligent question.

If your father has taken steps to control his anger and become a better person try to practice forgiveness. It will be the best thing for your heart and soul - and his.

Have you spoken to your mother about how you feel in regard to her criticisms? Let her know they hurt you more than help you. Tell her the things you honestly believe would help. If your father has changed, you should talk to him as well about your resentment. Perhaps he can face it with you head on.

No, you are not being a "big baby". A child should never have to feel frightened of his/her parents. The only way to overcome those with angry tempers is to let them now they have hurt you in a calm manner. If this does not work, try to come to your own personal understanding of why their behavior is so upsetting and never practice it yourself. Write a list of your parents positive attributes. It may make you feel better. Talk to them or write a letter you can give to them if you are frightened.

I had the exact same problems with my parents when I was your age. I too thought I was being a baby. 17 years later, I have come to realize that far from being childish I was correct in questioning their anger. Not much has changed in regard to their anger, but I do understand thier limitations more and realize that the only person I can change (and end the cycle of anger with) is myself.

All the best to you! Let us know how it goes.

Answer 4

You should do what your father tells you. It sounds like it's not about the slippers but about your disobedience. Sounds like you are a typical kid who may be too big for his/her britches. TV rots your brain anyway. Read a book. Learn something. Dear Lord its sad if you can't go without snookie for a month

Answer 5

Ya.. i understand its so difficult and we feel so hurt ..however u are just seeing a one side of ur dad's behaviour.. U can think about ways he shows u love..may not be in the way u expect.. He is taking care of u.. he feels u are his child and u belong to him and so he expresses his anger.. if not u on whom else he should express himself... Ur dad loves u.. ur mom loves..
I telll you this and be assured there is no one in the world after God who loves u so ..so much.. who are responsible about u..
All friends, teachers are good but .. if is you parents who will stand with u when u desperately need them.. it is ur parents who will be with u when every one puts u down..
think some positive things about ur parents and u start appreciating them about those gud things.. u will get better.
Im sorry for ur father. I apologize for ur dad's behaviour. pls forgive him.. .He loves u and wat all he is doing is for u.........only dear

Answer 6

Talk to your school counselor. And ask him/her to keep it confidential.