How do you let someone know they have a lack of manners?

Question

Recently before a final exam a fellow student sat right next to me and began looking over my shoulder at my textbook to review. It is common that during final exams students should sit every other seat to ensure originality. The proctors did not enforce this rule during this particular exam due to limited seats, but I sat in the third seat of the row (so she could have sat on the end). Although she more or less reviewed with me, she never introduced herself or asked if she could use my book. Whenever I flipped the page, she would help herself to my book and look at the previous page if she was not finished with it.

Normally this would infuriate me and I would have refused to let her use my book, but lately I feel that not helping others is a selfish and rude behavior, even if other people lack manners. How should I have let her known that she was being rude (and intruding in my space) without being openly harsh? Has politeness evaporated from our society?

If you were in her place, how would you feel if I told you that you were being rude because of the problems described above?

Answer 1

Yes, there are a good many rude people. Some are blatant, some are simply ignorant of proper behavior. However, I do seem to recall Emily Post stating that it is rude manners to point out others rude manners.

I'm not quite sure the infraction in your case. It sounds like she was using your notes without asking, which is rude, but you were torn between helping and feeling "used." If that was the case I certainly would have confronted her, perhaps with humor or with concern as in..."I am a bit uncomfortable with your familiarity of my property, is there some way I could help you?"

Good luck.

Peace.

Answer 2

No it isn't basically you yet what you've experienced is worse than different thoughts I have heard. In my residing house city I shuttle residing house on a bus at 3p.m. each and each weekday. I and many different pensioners are there 5 or ten minutes beforehand the bus is due and then basically because the bus pulls into its stand about 2 dozen scholars surge ahead from 'nowhere'. they have this right down to an excellent paintings. They push all and sundry out of ways and march on the bus taking the seats first and leaving some pensions status. The drivers basically positioned up with this. i'm guessing that they are fearful of those youths. Very from time to time a motive force will order the childrens off the bus declaring "a number of those human beings were right here beforehand you" and back, very from time to time, between the older human beings will say some thing similar besides the indisputable fact that that is so unhappy to work out that those youths actual won't be able to see that what they are doing is erroneous and punctiliously antisocial. in case you capture human beings going into your bag perchance you need to communicate about to them that they run the probability of being accused of robbery with the help of doing that because, if some thing is lacking the finger will factor on the guy seen going into your bag with out your permission. the large difficulty with status up for oneself in those difficulty is that the overall public will take the area of the criminal and also you'd be left feeling remoted and egocentric. There seem extra human beings like the offenders than respectable human beings like you. i extremely do not understand the position this would all end because that's nearing anarchy now.

Answer 3

Well first of all I am very sure you are a generous person to have this girl to look into your book and you may have saved her paper but her attitude is unacceptable. If rude people like her does the same thing again what you should do is to make the first move and ask her that if she want to use the book she could have just asked and tell her to not forget to bring her books for subsequent papers, that will properly tell her that she has a lack of manners while maintaining your dignity and manners. The main point is it is contradictary to point our people's lack of manner in a way that could have shown yourslef as a person who is rude, thats the irony of it. Just show in a nice way would suffice.

Answer 4

I certainly would have said something when she began treating my book as though it were hers! "Excuse me, this is my textbook and I'm done with that page" at least. More likely I'd have said "Don't you feel it's awfully rude to make use of my property without even asking?" and moved seats.
I think manners have gone by the wayside now days at least partly because everyone is so afraid to "be rude" and point out when others are behaving badly. I say turn about is fair play and you don't have to scream and shout but telling someone they are rude should be the rule rather than the exception.

Answer 5

From what i've seen and from what i have come to understand, is that truth sets you free....Take this case for example, if you want her to stop, for whatever reason, you should just be honest with your-self as well to her, just say, "Hey, do you mind...your messing up my chi, your breaking my concentration, your prohibiting my effectiveness....etc." In such a case the proverbial ball will then be placed in her court, forcing her to make a move, and in the best of circumstances, will end up pushing her to move on the what she considers to be greener pastures.

Answer 6

I would have revoked her book-using privileges the second time she tried to flip the page. Actions speak louder than words.

Answer 7

If you wanted her to stop, you should have told her that you really needed to study and that she was disturbing you. Sharing was commendable on your part, I hope it didn't affect your perfomance on the exam.

Helping others is a very nice thing to do, but there is a limit to politeness.

Answer 8

Yes it has, If you really let everyone know that they lack manners you would be doing it 24 7 it isn't worth it

Answer 9

i would have put my book on the other side of her, i'm a nice person, but i'm not going to go down for cheating because some girl decided not to bring her book to the final

Answer 10

Dont be so technical..get up and move if its uncomfortable, you will never let someone know that they have a lack of manners!