Should my wife confront a neighbor who is putting her down for being a working mom?

Question

A couple just moved next door to us. The wife works a full time job, just like I do. My wife told me tonight that she wanted to confront this woman, because she was telling our neighbors that moms should stay at home and not let daycares or babysitters raise their kids. This woman doesn't work, and her husband obviously makes good money, cause they drive nice cars and have a nice house. My wife works, due to debt we got while I was out of work for awhile, and also unexpected repairs and stuff that has come up, that she can't afford to stay at home. My wife had been told by another neighbor that this woman was saying the same stuff to this woman, and was saying that a couple shouldn't have kids if they are not going to stay home with them. She wants to confront her, what should she say? or should she not bother talking to her?

sorry, i meant to say my wife works a full time job, just like i do

sorry, i meant to say my wife works a full time job, just like i do

Answer 1

I would definatly confront her! (both U & UR wife should)
I would tell her that its great that she is well off enough to be a stay at home mom, but it may not be the case with your household.
Maybe mention that UR wife might actaully enjoy working out of the home. That she enjoys her work and would do it no matter what.
Tell her that U take care of UR kids and make sure they are in good care.
Also I would tell them that UR affairs are none of their business!

Answer 2

I think it is wrong for other people to talk that way. It is an individual choice, and all situations are different. Anyway, if she does not have kids, she shouldn't be telling other people what she thinks parents should do. (you said a couple moved in, not a family, which leads me to believe they don't have children yet)

I don't think your wife should confront her just yet. Have you met the new neighbors? I think she should ignore this woman. If this new neighbor continues to spout out her opinions and talk about others, she will soon not have many friends in the neighborhood. And it is best to just ignore stuff like this. It won't do any good to debate the topic, since she probably has a strong opinion on it.

Answer 3

First you should NOT have to explain why the two of you work.. You two work for what ever reason you chose.

Just because these people have a nice house and nice cars does not mean they make nice money. They could be in dept like you and just hiding it.

If your wife feels comfortable confronting this woman then by all means have her do it.

She might also, if not comfortable talking to her face to face write her a very polite letter. In it she might say that she is not comfortable having this neighbor talking about her and what she does or does not do to other people. She should NOT explain to this person why she works. IT IS NONE OF HER BUSSINESS.

I do hope that the people this neighbor is talking to are your wifes friends and not taking this woman side.

Answer 4

I would definitely confront her. For God sakes, what mother wouldn't prefer to stay at home with her child, the sad reality is that not all people can do this, would she say the same thing to a single mother? Probably, this is just showing her own ignorance. Personally, I would go to the woman and tell here this:
" I know what you have been saying about me, and about all working mothers. Here the deal, I will stay home with my
child(ren) and you pay me for doing it so my husband and I can pay our bills. If this is NOT an option, then I would suggest you shut your mouth, it is very rude to brag about being able to stay home with your kids because your husband has a good paying job, not everyone is so lucky. So before you go judging people, "walk a mile in their shoes."

This may get the woman to stop saying what she is saying, but even if it does not, your wife will have the satisfaction of knowing she is doing what is best for her family, as well as you are. I stay at home, but this is only because I am going to school to get a degree, after this both of us will be working.

Answer 5

If it were me I'd just let it drop personally. I DO UNDERSTAND how the neighbors mouth would bother your wife however.. they are neighbors these people might be around a long time you really don't want to start burning bridges over this. You don't have to agree with any of your neighbors opinions "i don't agree either" that's not the point. All you can do is be bigger people you don't need the chaos or gossip going on in your neighborhood be adults. You can't win either way she'll think what she thinks you'll think what you think no reason to get in a heated talk over it.; what do you gain by confronting her? neither of you are right or wrong she has her personal thoughts on it you have yours let it go.

Answer 6

Gossip, gossip, gossip. I would never want to live in your neighborhood, who knows what kind of rumors would be going around about me. She probably said she wouldn't want anyone else raising her kids. These are her opinions, and she is entitled to them. I am a stay at home Mom, and some of the things she said I agree with. However, we don't have nice cars, we make sacrifices so I can stay home with my kids. If your wife confronts her with second hand information, she'll end up looking like a fool. Just brush it off. These neighbors of yours are trying to start trouble.

Answer 7

You can't be pulling out the race card for a situation you put yourself in. You were his best friend and you stabbed him in the back by sleeping with his wife for 6 months. That is enough to end any friendship. You lost his trust and respect. I can't help but thibk you had this affair with his wife in order to sabbatoge the relationship. He probably took the wife back because he is very much in love with her, they have a daughter together so he probably wanted to work things out. Not only that but you complicated the friendship by telling him you we're in love with him when he told you he doesn't swing that way with the same sex. You have no right to tell him how he should be feeling, or that he should get over it. He has a right to stay mad at you however long it takes, he deserves his space

Answer 8

Why? Why bother confronting her? Is she speaking personally against your wife or is this just her general belief about working moms? Is this woman not allowed an opinion? You don't have to agree with her but why is it she cannot express her opinion without your wife needing to confront her? And why would your wife feel the need to confront her unless she is insecure with her decision to be a working mom? When people criticize my choices I just laugh it off because I don't agree with them and I don't feel threatened. Usually you only opt for confrontation when you feel threatened. Your wife would only feel threatened if she is insecure.

Example: last week I took my oldest son to taekwondo. I have to sit and wait in the parent's room while he is in class. I had my youngest with me and he brought along his little DVD player. It is a videonow player. Someone was asking me what it was and I explained what it was. Well a few minutes later I hear another mother telling some parents under her breath that she doesn't understand what is wrong with books these days and she wouldn't buy HER kids video players just because they asked for them. Now, I could have confronted her but I didn't. Why? Because I'm secure. She doesn't know the entire situation. She doesn't realize that I home school my kids and they are very smart. They have an entire room full of books. She also doesn't know that I didn't buy those players for my kids. They were given as gifts from a family member. So, she can say all she wants. I feel no need to confront her. Why should I have to justify myself to a woman who spouts off without knowing all the facts? I'm not about to justify my choices to anyone. Same goes for your situation. It sounds like this woman is speaking in general terms. But even if she is speaking specifically about your wife, she doesn't know your situation. She doesn't know why you both choose to work. She doesn't have all the facts--you know why and you are comfortable with your choice. That should be all that matters. So, there should be no need for a confrontation. Your wife should not have to justify herself to this woman. Confronting this woman only makes your wife look like she feels the need to justify her choice which makes it look like she is insecure in her choice. You'll only make this woman think she is right.

My suggestion: ignore it and live your life. You're doing what you think is best for your family. What other people think doesn't matter. Personally, I feel that it is best if a parent can be at home with the kids. But I also realize that while that works for our family it doesn't work for everyone. And there are all kinds of circumstances. It is easy to judge when you don't have all the facts. This woman can't see past her own nose. That is her problem. Let her go around spouting her holier than thou attitude. She is only making herself look bad.

Answer 9

Honestly, you and your wife are like most of us who can't afford to raise a family with just one income, whether repairs or extra expenses are an issue or not. The neighbour is being ignorant and judgemental, and please tell your wife that this woman is too ignorant to be confronted, the neighbour is so ignorant that she probably can't be reasoned with. You and your wife should be proud that you are working very hard to support your kids, and I'm sure your kids know that they are loved...I grew up with both my parents working and they both worked shift-work, so they were busy, but I grew up knowing that I was loved, they still maed time for me the best I could, and I appreciate the sacrifices and hard work they did for me and my brother!

Answer 10

Your wife should NOT confront her. That will just escalate things. While I'm sure it really ticks off you and your wife, just let it go and refuse to give your neighbor the satisfaction. Honestly, does your neighbor's opinion count? See, no, I didn't think so. If the neighbor tells your wife directly how she feels about working mothers then at that time your wife should let her have it with both barrels.