How do I let go off my deceased father?

Question

He passed away a week ago, from cancer! I was not their when he passed. I miss him and can't cope!

Answer 1

I'm sorry for your loss.

Keep him in your heart and in your memories and be the best person that you can be to make him proud. I believe that our loved ones that have passed are looking down on us and keeping us safe.

I lost my daddy 9 years ago and it still hurts, but I know that he's up there.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear about your dad. I know how you feel, my dad passed away 3-22-06 and I too miss him dearly , I was there
to see him take his last breath of air. There is
a lot of different ways of coping. 1. You can by a journal and
write down all the things you want to say to him 2. Visit him
at the cemetery every weekend and spend and hour or a few
hours reminiscing 3. Buy a photo album and put in some pics
of him, him and you or him and the family. 4. Record a CD
with just his music so you can listen to every time you want
too. When you go to the cemetery take the CD with you or and
the Journal so if you have something to say to him you can
write it down on your journal. If not then just think, remember
he will always be with you heart and soul. I say this because
that is what I did.

Answer 3

My dear JR, I was there 16 yrs ago @ 16. Not having closure must be so very devastating for you, but there is hope.

Sadly time will do most of the work but for now...I'd Write him, keep a journal (notebook even) about your feelings or simply write letters each day "Dear Dad" whenever it hits you, this is also helpful if there was estrangement or guilt. I assure you he hears you, you might ask him to visit you in a dream and tell him how sorry you were that you weren't there. They do visit, mine did & others that have passed. It was bizarre and brief but lasting messages...so I know it was a visitation. If you remain open, he might be able to find a way once he gets settled.

He is always with you, You are the best parts of him living on, cherish that...and know that he will give you guidance, the little voice that tells you - Don't do that, or keep your chin up. He loves you purely now without judgement so don't think he's holding any upset feelings towards you.

Try to do something that honors him, make a donation if you can in his name, Blog on your best memories, or maybe relive some. It might even help if it's possible to have something of his to keep, my dad had a blue cartigan sweater I still wear. My Dad's birthday was Friday & I still sing him Happy Birthday. Hang in there....I hope this helps.

Answer 4

oh honey im so sorry! I know how u feel. My mother passed away on July 21, 2006. Im still mourning. I watched her take her last breath and that made it worse for me. Its so hard 2 let go I have cried everyday since she has passed. I miss her every day but i think because i dream of her it helped me. All you can do is cry and just let it take its course. I wasnt around anybody for months trying 2 cope. Just cry, cry, cry. i wish i could say it gets better but I cant. I will tell u this, you will start 2 get a feeling later that he is ok. Bless you and again Im sorry 4 your loss. hugs. I guess another thing that helps me is that my mommy had a full life and watched all her kids growup etc.. A lot of peepz dont get that. I still ask why her tho? Its not fair!!!

Answer 5

I lost my father March 9th 2002 from brain, bone and lung cancer. He was my roommate my friend my matchmaker but most of all he was my daddy. I was 22 when he died and I still called him my daddy. I still do. But I sat and watched a man that was always so physically strong, hard working and just plain goofy morph in to a childlike body that was so frail he would cry when he moved. It hurt him so much to breath that tears would be in his eyes but a smile on his face. He never talked about dieing the whole time he was sick. He fought for 21 months with every single thing he had in him. When the strongest man in a woman's life is so weak and helpless it rips something inside completely out. I was there when he took his last breath and I don't think I cried. All I remember is kissing him head telling him I love him and looking up and saying THANK YOU JESUS. He suffered a horrible death. Now when I think of him I don't think of him as weak, helpless, and sick. I think of him with his long hair and goofy faces and a smile that would light up a room. If you told him that you love him the last time you talked. If you are living a life that he has somehow influenced in you to live. Then all you need to know is he is not in pain anymore and he is so much better off than we are.

You have to keep living. You have to keep moving forward even though it sucks sometimes. Our parents worked so hard to make us who we are. To teach us how to survive when they are gone. That is the single most important lesson parents teach us. You will cry and be mad and blame yourself that you could have or should have done more. But loving him and telling others about him and passing the lessons on to the next generation is why we are all here.

I hope you know that this is the first time in a long time I have cried over my daddy but that is ok. I hope you also know that you are not alone and you carry a piece of your father in you and so will your children and theirs. It is up to you to teach them what he taught you.

Take care.
Feather

Answer 6

Sorry to hear...my dad died 2 years ago on new years day in a car accident. its so hard. My faith in God got me through and keeps me going still. you will always miss him, and unfortunatley as time goes by you will miss him more. But remember that he is in a better place, in no pain, with no cancer, and he is happy. If you have councelor you can talkto try that, and if things get real bad for youtalk to your dr about some kind of anxiety or anti depressant that you can take temporarily so you can at least get through the days and get some sleep. Dont beat yourself up over not being there when he passed, either. Hes with you now so feel free to say whatever it is you want to tell him.

Answer 7

My mother passed away almost 9 years ago. She also had cancer. Fortunately, I was with her at home when she passed. I can see how that would hurt deeper because you were not there when your father passed. Grieving takes time. It is different for everyone. There is no time line for grieving. Your father only died a week ago. Maybe you should try to find a grief councilor or group. Take care of yourself and godbless!

Answer 8

Dont feel you have to let go of him. You dont. You never really get over a close death in the family. But... dealing with it becomes easier and easier over time. My Dad died 16 years ago. For the most part, I'm fine, and can talk and think about him no problem. Other times, his death feels like it just happened. Bottom line is, there will always be a sore spot there. You should grieve as long as you have to, and time will pass making dealing with it easier and easier.

Answer 9

It is natural to feel that your father passed away.The only comfort you can have is;that he is at the heaven with God.My mother passed away 2 years ago,and I still miss her more than ever.But we need to be strong,and move on in our lives.God bless you and help you to give comfort every single day in your life.Remember your father is at the heaven with God,be happy for that real fact,and do not be sad anymore.God,Jesus and heavenly angels are taking care right now of you.God bless you,be strong.Read in the Bible the Psalm 23.Try to go church.I pray every day to God and I say thank God for every day I live in my daily life.You are not alone,God is with you.Jesus is with you.Angels are with you.

Answer 10

I sympathise with you since I lost my father on the operation table.I felt that there was so much I could not talk to him about. I needed to thank him, apologise to him and tell him that he was the greatest friend I ever had .
I even contemplated trying to talk to him via a medium.
Then I realised how he was suffering while in pain and this was God's way of relieveing him of all suffering. I could not be so selfish as to deny him that pleasure of a painless existence with his maker.
It will take time, but this wound - as all others - will heal.
If you have a child, take care of him/her now. Because when you pass away, they should not feel the way you are feeling now

Answer 11

We never let go of the people we love once they die. That is how we keep them alive in heart through remembering the love and good times we shared. Write him letters telling him how you feel. It helps to put your thoughts and emotions onto paper. Seal them up, and years later when you can handle it, read them. It will really help to see how far you have come. Remember, they may not be right here in front of us, but they are always with us. You are a physical part of him, he is carried on through you. It takes a while to work through the stages of grief, but you will one day get to the point when you can think of him and smile at a memory. My mom, who was my best friend and confidante died in 2000, I still talk with her in my mind and even sometimes out loud. I can remember good and bad times, and there are some things that still bring tears to my eyes, but I know she is pain free and healthy now. Will I always miss her, absolutely, but I will never let her go. She was too big a part of my life and I keep her memory close, and rely on her advice to work my way through life. Coping is a process, it does not happen immediately. Take one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Honor him through your life.