He has made it clear to me he has no intentions of making a committment in our relationship. He has told this his daughter very private things about my life. He told her I am divorced because I was in an abusive relationship and was beaten by my ex husband. My adult children do not even know about these things. I wish he had kepts his friggin mouth shut. I am so offended. I told him his adult daughter needed to get a job so she could quit mooching off of everyone else (including him). I feel like they are using my very painful history as a way to gossip and have something to talk about. His daughter spread some pretty vicious rumors about me and I truthfully cannot stand her. She is an immature brat. How should I let this all go?
2006-12-18 15:42:18 · 29 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My biggest concern is my 21 yr old son who has no idea what I have gone thru. I dont want to bring embarasment to him.
I want the past to stay in the past and for us to let it go. He has never asked and I have never told how things occured. He was 4 when I divorced. My daughter was 11 months.
2006-12-18 15:51:44 · update #1
I forgot to say his daughter is 25 yrs old.
2006-12-18 15:53:42 · update #2
You can ask anything you want and no one knows who you are unless you pass out your name. Sometimes a person needs a little emotional support. I had heart surgery last year and he stuck it out with me. He stayed with my 2 kids and made sure we were ok after I got out of the hospital. He has a very good side, but is very naive where his kids are concerned and I am tired of holding it back. He has post divorce guilt and I am a very strong personality. I raised a family alone and pretty much tell it the way it is. My kids and I were on welfare until I got out of college and we look at things differently. I tell him. poverty is not milking cows at 5 am, its not having the cow to milk. He wines about not having anything and how he had to get up and milk cows. He has never been hungry and his kids are spoiled brats. They expect to have things handed to them. My kids are totally different. They have jobs.We work and support ourselves. I am so proud of my son, I could bust sometimes.
2006-12-19 06:45:11 · update #3
Just pray there is not much you can do. some people are just evil
2006-12-18 15:45:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If there is no commitment then it is a casual relationship. I asume that U have made some sort of conmitment but it is not returned. You're spinning your wheels and if confidences are being disclosed I personally would reconmend a change of scene. In a previous relationship my private life was exposed in an attempt to put me down and control me. The situation was exactly as with U. A mooching adult offspring that I was expected to support. Bullshit. 3 months after I left the partner wanted to restart the relationship. But nothing had changed. They were just being more devious. Now things have changed. New Lady, 3 adult kids,(all with jobs). We get on well. Having a good life.
2006-12-18 15:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by ub6 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutlely right that he should have kept his mouth shut, unfortunately that rule applies to you too. Even if everything you say about this girl is 100% fact, she is still his daughter and he will always see her through different eyes. It's just the way it works.
All you can do now is talk to him about your private life remaining between the two of you and hopefully you'll reach an understanding but seeing as how he doesn't want to commit, maybe you should find a man who will treat you better.
2006-12-18 15:47:49 · answer #3 · answered by blondie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I read a lot of mistrust and backstabbing on this guy you're with and his daughter. I'd IMMEDIATELY separate all contact with them ASAP.
Can't end a wrong with a wrong....unfortunately your business was not taken into consideration or respected at all...so best thing to do before it gets worse is to leave. I mean the guy told you there's no commitment in the relationship? That's pretty bold...that's like telling you that you're a booty call and nothing more..just a more 'intimate' one.
DId you make a mistake? Only if it wasn't true, but you're expressing your opinion, not to mention they're treating you wrong by spreadin business around that you INTRUSTED them to keep to themselves.
Not the kind of people to surround yourselve with....AT ALL.
2006-12-18 15:57:27 · answer #4 · answered by Dennis 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
likely by technique of breaking apart with him. in case you ever experience like he desires to opt for on between you and his daughter that apparently he confides to.. uhm do not youngster your self, as well that in itself being immature and unfair - I doubt there'll be any question who he chooses. it is YA so i do not have time to sugarcoat this.. once you've a history of abusive relationships then maximum in all likelihood you exhibit an enabler personality. There are key features of the girls which abusive adult men get carry of to victimize. conserving secrets and techniques is an entire vast area of that dysfunctional subculture. Are you rather particular that you're waiting for yet another relationship? have you ever got here upon your own midsection or is there nevertheless that feeling that you want a guy to be at liberty..? no matter if it is your desire or objective to ruin or weaken the relationship between him and his daughter merely as a fashion to augment your own relationship - then supply up and mirror on why it extremely is. better of success to you. I propose that you're taking a deep breath, calm your thoughts and be daringly truthful with your self. What are you getting out of the relationship with this fellow?
2016-11-27 19:19:43 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all.....he does not want a commitment, you don't get along with his daughter and they talk about you. Sorry to say.....it doesn't even sound like a situation that I would want to be in. You deserve better for yourself. Why put yourself through that? As for embarrassing your son because you were abused.....that was not your fault that someone would beat you. You should not worry about being embarrassed. On the other hand....I have three stepdaughters.....it can get alittle sketchy if I were to make remarks about my husbands girls. One thing is for sure...if you are in a relationship with this guy....his daughter should be respectful to you no matter what her age is. I would not stand for my stepdaughters disrespecting me. Good luck and remember you deserve a good loving person...one who loves you the way you love them!
2006-12-18 17:05:07 · answer #6 · answered by deezy89 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not an easy situation to be in at all, but as one person to another who has been in the same type of past relationship all I can really tell you is it's a long and painful road you will travel if you continue in this relationship (I apologise wholeheartedly if this is not what you want to read) but it sounds to me like the only commitment he is after is a house keeper with 'fringe benefits' attached put yourself and what you want out of your life FIRST, it is not selfish to do so, these two are so set in their own little ways I seriously doubt they will change. Good luck and remember "take care of number one"
2006-12-18 15:52:42 · answer #7 · answered by polynesiachick 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has the upper hand. If you feel that you are being abused by this whole thing then you need to get out. he already said he doesn't want a commitment. I would have left him long tinme ago when he started telling everyone somthing as personal as your sitaution like it was some sort of enterainment. it kinda makes me angry and I feel sorry for you. Leave that man alone. it is only going to get worse.
2006-12-18 15:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by rosiejac 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would leave him and his daughter behind! It sounds like the apple does not fall far from the tree..right? He sounds immature and so does she. She has learned her behavior from her dad! I would go to the people that the rumor was told to and try to ammend things...like say" she was making it up" and " she does not know what she is talking about"! most people will believe the adult!!!
Plus, who cares if it was a mistake to make fun of this daughter? Your not married!! but, I would definitely dump the loser and his offspring!!!
2006-12-18 15:51:08 · answer #9 · answered by September Sweetie 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The whole damn lot of you sound immature....While I agree that he should never have shared that info w/his daughter....dissing her to him was not the thing you should have done.....
And if he has made it clear that there will be no committment...why the heck did you share your private info with him...when you never even told your own children...who have a right to know the truth....
You'all are really mixed up!
2006-12-18 16:08:57 · answer #10 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, try to build yourself up before you get involved in another relationship.you are making enemies now instead of dealing with the problems of the past.I am sure you never prosecuted you ex and you are taking out your frustration on others.deal with you past problems so you can move into the future with less garbage.you deserve at least that.Your boyfriend and his daughter are not your problem your past still haunts you.
2006-12-18 16:03:50 · answer #11 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋