single dad wanted over nights at 4 mo, but she thought 7 hours a month was OK?

Question

long story short. 4 1/2 mo. old baby, been good so far seen her 40 times or so. we not toghther despie me trying countless times. mom is controling and not undrestanding that im our daughters father. like i said been real good with providing, and gladly paying more than the orderd support. cant get anywhere with the mom, always her scedule. I proposed a visitation plan involving aprox 130 days a year with my daughter, clear cut and consise about times and dates (so no loopholes are present). first mediation with her folks was tonight. she comes back with a plan that only let me see my daughter 7hrs a week! with no overnights untill she is 18mo. I own a nice home and have a good job, she is 24 I am 33. Ive tried to be great to her and my new daughter and she just wont let me. I said this proposal Is not enough time and im not signing it, do you think 1/3 of the time with our daughter is too much to ask?, and does she stand a chance of getting awarded 7 hrs a week?

at first she said she was going to breast feed so i bought her a 300.00 pump and when i asked her how it worked she said i havent even taken it out of the box and she is not brest feeding

Answer 1

50/50 don't settle for less

I have a daughter and i have full custody

Breast feeding, buy her a pump

You are her dad just as important as the mom don't let anyone tell you any different.

Answer 2

I would talk to a good lawyer and take her to court. You do have a good job, own a nice home and provide for the child you definitely deserve the time you are requesting. There are to many dead beat dads so for a dad who wants to see & support his child I admire you. Since your daughter is so young you might not get over nights at first but it would be more than 7-10 hrs a wk. Oh yes be sure and keep all records of what you pay her for anything concering your daughter. That way she can not say you are not supporting her. Good luck!

Answer 3

I know you want to spend time with your daughter and you should be granted visitation. Keep in mind when you read this I feel When a mother isn't acting like one I think a father should get custody.Your daughter needs you and the male figure in her life.At this age a child is bonding with the mother.They are learning trust and schedules, routines. I think at this young agevyou should not take your baby away from the mother on alnight visitation.I know you love your baby and want to share time with her but in the long run your going to take away bonding time with her mother that is crucial during these particular developing months.You should rethink this.No matter how the mother is acting etc or what your opinions on this is....Think of your daughter.She needs her mother as all little girls do. She is so small right now and the mother is learning all the things about being a mother also.She is having all of these protection modes kick in and alot of fear that was never there about parenting etc. Don't put the undue stress on the child or the mother.When you stress the mother the child also senses this. Give her some time with this please.When the child is bigger she will be glad to get the break when she goes with you.Alot of fathers don't understand how this effects the child.They don't understand that wanting to spend time with the child can turn to torturing the mother by using the childs time with you to manipulate.If your the good father you stated you will give her some time.If you are the good father you stated you will want the best for your child by just taking the child from the mother for a few hours at a time.If you have no prior court history, domestic issues etc then the court will grant you every other weekend visits now but at this age I would wait. You can just take her each day on the each weekend for a few hours.Or your days off etc.The child will still know and love you.The child will still bond with you.They love their dads no matter what.The dad is the person who can pick them up high, lets them get dirty, (when she gets a little older) the one who teaches her to fish, ride a bike, the best ticklier, and you can be her big super hero.It is sad that you can't go to counseling or make things work with the mother.If the mother is indeed a good mother (which if she is scared to send her this small it appears she is) then seeing your daughter a few hours at a time is good for now.Then when she gets a yr old maybe one night a weekend from 6pm Friday until 10 am on Sat. Then work your way up.I truly believe that with all the divorce and broken homes these days children are takin from their mothers too eary and they are torn from rules from one house to another, they are using the parents as weapons to do what they want.You seem like you want to be a good influence to your daughter, you want the best for her...Then please don't put your child through this while she is so small.I understand your frustration and hurt but always remember the child is the one who suffers.7 hours a week is ridiculous.You should get your child at least 14 hours a week right now.You should also be able to take the child to spend time with her alone.YOu shouldn't have to go to the parents etc to spend time with her, or with her mother around.If I were you I would try to make things work with the mother.Understand your faults, admit your flaws etc and put pride aside for this child.Go to counseling etc.It is best for the child, better for you and the mother, no splitting time, child support, fear when the child is away from the mother, and all the problems that come from older kids from divorces. I hope you take this advice in the loving way I send It.God bless you and by the way if you have any further questions or just want to talk email me on my yahoo answers link.

Answer 4

I think you're talking to the wrong people. "Mediation" with her, or her folks won't get you anywhere. The COURT will decide visitation rights. You seem like a loving father, you're stable in home & work. I believe in all probability, you'll be awarded more than 7 hours a week. Thankfully, the mother isn't as "favoured" as once was the case. & think about all the cases the courts see where the father won't even pay support! You've proven yourself just the opposite. I would not "hassle" with the mother or relatives. They've made up their minds, but they can't control your rights

EDIT: I cannot imagine why I got a thumbs down on this, but c'est
la vie. Your best option is the legal system. Period. You will NOT get anywhere in trying to solve it in any other way.

Answer 5

I have gone through the same thing as you and I am about your age. Do not settle for what she is proposing and never sign anything on the spot. You are entitled to go for 49 % or 51% custody as a parent. being that you are the Father you would more then likely get the 51 %. I would take it to court. You do not even need an attorney. It is your right by law to have your child over night even if the Mother is breastfeeding. Their are breast pumps. If this was the case do you know how many single Mother's that did not want to share custody would breast feed? As the Father's we tend to get the short end of the stick unless you keep your ground. What she is proposing is ridiculous, selfish and not good for the bonding time that you need with your child. Then there is the support amount. Child support is based on a few important things. One of them being the amount of hours that your child is with you. There is also the mediation process where a mediator would give their suggestion to the judge that is going to hear your case. Again Do not settle. Call your local Child Support Agency and ask them for information for Father's. There are free service's out there for men (just like there are for Women) where they will assist you with paperwork, due process, etc. good luck. Again from one Father to another "STAND YOUR GROUND." It sounds like you are trying to be amiable by meeting with her and her parents, however I see no reason for her parents to be present. Next time take your Parent's with you. Don't set yourself up to feel guilty by association. Good Luck again!
'-)

Answer 6

Is mom breastfeeding???? That would be an important factor in overnights. Although only 7 hrs is pretty bogus. She should be greatful that you are actually trying to be a wonderful dad to your daughter. I hope you two can work things out to her(your daughters) advantage, and you don't end up in a huge battle. I personally can't see you losing the right to more than 7 hrs a week, if anything you maybe able to win more you sound somewhat more stable. good luck

Answer 7

You need to get a visitation schedule signed by a judge. I feel for fathers as my son 29 was left with his children 3 1/2 and 5 1/2 for 5 years and mom came back and wanted "her" kids. I am happy to report he did get custody of both children. Point is, fathers are considered much more now that they once were. Fathers do have rights and your child is worth what ever it takes. As far as your chances of getting your daughter more at this point, that all depends on a judge. I wish you all the luck in the world. You are in my prayers.

Answer 8

Sadly, I'm afraid you may have to take this to court. You having a home, a good job, providing child support without a court order, spending time with your daughter already is more than likely to get you the custody that you want, or something closer than she wants to allow.

IMO, you have every right to see your daughter as much as you want, regardless of how things are between you and the mom. And breastfeeding is no excuse. It's OK to pump and feed from a bottle while the child is in day care, but not OK to do it so a dad can spend time with his daughter? Please. Get over it.

Too many people hold this concept that dads will automatically do a worse parenting job than moms. That's a bunch of crap. Fathers do just as well, and in some cases, better than the mother.

I thank all that is for my husband, who was and is an excellent father to his children, from the moment they were born. Our son spent so much time with him that for my HS reunion, he didn't want to go to grandma, he wanted grandpa. YAY.

Many men are excellent parents, if only given the chance.

Answer 9

i'm extremely very much surprised that your known practitioner instructed you to end nursing him. If he's hungry you need to feed him. little ones received't devour until eventually they are hungry and he would nicely be dealing with a boom spurt. My son is 6 months previous and has been snoozing with the help of the evening considering he replaced into 6 weeks. there have been some circumstances the position he has performed this to me because he replaced into dealing with a boom spurt, or at present because he's teething and it soothes him. If I were you (if you're comfortable with this) try making a 4 ounce bottle with 0.5 formula and 0.5 breast milk, or perchance an finished formula bottle and it ought to help him to experience extra finished and sleep for longer which could help you get some sleep. It took me a very lengthy time period to get over the conception of giving my toddler somewhat of formula, yet extremely it isn't sufficient to truly remove from what he's getting from the breast milk. This has worked for me when I had to nurse all evening and had not some thing left to furnish, besides the indisputable fact that it extremely does artwork!

Answer 10

You need to take the mother to Family Court, that i your only solution. They will court order you certain times and days of the week. Make sure you keep a record of anything she has said to you and take your plan that you made up with you. You will get to see your daughter, I promise:) Good luck from New york

Answer 11

Hey there, I dunno about overnighting it, but I think you should be awarded more time than just 71/2 hours. Does the mother have legal custody of the baby and you have visitation or was it a mutual thing that she would have her and you would visit. I think you need to discuss this with your attorney if this is court ordered and maybe present your request to them and see what they say. I wish the best of luck to, coming from parents that were divorced at a young age, its going to be hard for your child if the both of you cannot come into aggreance and anything and you say she is as hard headed as you are describing. Its sad today to see that the statistics say that 50% if not more of marriages end up in divorce. Best of luck to you