How can I get my family to accept me?

Question

My husbands family is super fundementalist Christians. Although I respect and admire Jesus' historic teachings, I don't take all of the bible as fact, especially when there are many gospels that the Catholic Church didn't allow into the bible that I enjoy more than the ones that did.

I love Jesus, but also Ghandi. I admire peaceful people who preach love over judgement and who aren't afraid to go their own way and stand up for what's right.

I also smoke cannabis, for medical and spiritual reasons.
They both have a big problem with that, even though I've been doing it for a long time and am very healthy and a straight A student (notice how I'm used to defending myself)
My brother in law thinks people who say they use cannabis medically are making up excuses to use it.

My mother in law thinks I'm deluded and will eventually realize the "truth" that Jesus is the only savior and the son of God.
I feel offended as I respect their beliefs, but they do not respect mine. What can I do?

Medical Marijuana is legal in my state, and even if it wasn't, as Martin Luther King Jr. said, it is our civic duty to break unjust laws.

Thanks everyone with their concern about me abusing marijuana, but I use it in a respectful manner and have been for 6 years.

My husband is doesn't really have a spiritual belief right now, and he is fine with me smoking pot.

I use it for anxiety, adhd and moderate asthma with my doctors approval, and do not smoke very much except on occasion.

Answer 1

Hey, I was in the same boat as you (minus the pot, and it was my acutal parents, not my in-laws) a few years ago. Hmm, actually it all started about 6 years ago, and it was a constant uphill battle. The most important thing is LIVING what you believe. You believe in love, BE love. Show them love even when they are judging you, and know that judging is nothing more than a game. Don't let it get to you. If they ask you questions, don't get offended or defensive no matter what. Try to answer them very honestly, and if you can, use their religion and viewpoints as a jumping off block. Does that make sense? I'm not belitting your in-laws, this is just an example, but if you were trying to explain something realy complex to a child, you might change it to terms that they think and experience in. Try the same with your in-laws. Jesus was all about love, for instance.

The hard part is that their your IN-LAWS, not your family, so 1)they don't feel that obligation to love and understand you like most parents do, and 2)you don't spend as much time with them, so it's harder to have all these great conversations I'm talking about, haha.

Just be patient. Be a good person and you will win them over. Even if they don't share your beliefs, at some point they will agree to disagree, and it won't be something uncomfortable or unharmonious.

Answer 2

Ok the fact that they are pushing their religion on you is wrong. I am lucky because my mums side are strict christians who are like the family you are talking about and my dad has taught me to be a little more open minded.

Ok if cannabis is illegal and you are smoking it without a prescription then you are doing something wrong according to the law in your area. And they have every right not to like it because well it is illegal. If you have a prescription however they have no right to have a go at you. Christians I have found like to make you feel guilty for what you are doing wrong in hope to get you to become part of their 'group' or 'saved'. Just tell them that God loves people for who they are and that the bible states it is wrong to judge and that god is the only person who can judge.

I cant back or deny your brothers feelings about your usage as I do not know you. However you have to ask yourself this. Is smoking a plant or herb continually good for your spiritual walk and are you doing it consciously aware that that is what it is for or are you catching yourself doing it without knowing why? Only you can be honest with yourself about this one.

A lot of different cultures eat or used to eat cactus to have spiritual encounters. The wiccan beliefs use herbs and other plants for their healing. The indians smoked opium and the list goes on. I am not sure however how many religions or cults etc still use these practices. I am sure there are heaps out there. However a lot of these people also have a lot of willpower and have years of experience in meditation practices and know how to guide their journies once engaging in these acts. I once read a book that a guru once took a pill and said that there are similarities between the chemical journey and the actual meditation practices. However he also stated that it is a hit and miss affair. Without practice and the proper experience it can also be a very dangerous practice and it is better to put in the hard yards and stick to the meditation principals.

There is also another saying that I would like to leave you with. "What other people think about me is none of my business" It is your life and your journey through life and if you are following your heart and being true to yourself then you are heading in the right direction. My oppinion on weed is as an ex smoker, try to keep it very light and moderational, and try to focus on your willpower. Also stay away from hydro stuff it is increasingly strong these days and have a lot of chemicals in it that aren't good for you. I am not taking into consideration your medical condition though and I would talk to your GP about that.

As for the the statement Jesus is the only saviour and the son of God. That is their belief because the have chosen to believe it. Or have been brainwashed which ever you choose to believe.

Best of luck with your journey through life. And stop worrying what other people think about you. Life is a choice so choice it!

Answer 3

Do you really think they are telling you something that will hurt you....or help you? You cannot really say that you love JESUS if you do not keep His commandments. You cannot love HIM if you also make room in your heart for Ghandi. What possible "spiritual" reasons could there be to smoke pot? The mere fact that you have been doing it for a long only says that it is your crutch, not that it should be accepted. Also, how can one say they love JESUS if they do not even take HIM at HIS word? Those other books you mentioned were NEVER part of the Bible. They were historical books of the time just as we have many wonderful books today. You may like them because they "tickle" your ears. (That means maybe those books are telling you what you want to hear and what you are willing to accept as truth,NOT necessarily the truth.)
Your mother-in-law is right. You will eventually realize the truth.....the only question is, will you do it in time? If it sounds like I am coming down hard on you I do not mean to but if I saw you running into a burning building I would knock you down rather than let you go in.

Answer 4

Ok my answer is they won't. It is part of their belief system that they want you to be saved, From what you said above they seem to care about you and they want you to go to heaven. So where does your husband stand? You told us about his parents and brother, but what about him?

For the cannabis, medical reasons are things like cancer patients smoking to help with the effects of chemo or AIDS patients who say it helps them be able to eat and keep weight on. Do you have a legitimate medical reason or you just like it? If you have a medical reason explain it and be prepared to quit when that reason is gone if you expect anyone to believe that is why you do it. If not fine. It is illegal here, in my opinion as long as you consider it will give you reactions similar to alcohol and don't drive, and you don't expose others to it who don't want it then to me it is your deal, but most of the older generation doesn't get that.

So maybe quit talking about it. If they bring it up then be respectful. I would say to them respectfully "This is what I do... this is why I do it... I understand you are concerned but at this time I am not willing to stop. But I love you and don't want to argue. I will not do it in front of you or be under its effects when we are together and I will not bring it up. Could we please just agree to disagree on this and let it go. " See where that gets you.

One other point, most fundamentalist Christians do not read the Catholic bible. There are books in there that we consider part of the apocrypha and believe are not inspired by God. My understanding is that the Book of Maccabees even states that it is not inspired by God. So the "gospels" not included were not included because they were not found to be infallible. They were false teachings. If you enjoy them great, but please know they are not of God.

I wish you the best of luck with this. Be understanding and realize they are coming from a place of love. If you cannot agree at least don't be offended.

Answer 5

Personally, I don't think your husband's family will ever accept your beliefs. Part of fundamentalism is being rigid.

I do hope that your husband can come to accept your belifes. I would hope too, that your use of pot remains spiritual and medicinal. While I understand that it can be used as such, I also understand that mind and mood altering substances can come to take control over the user. Being careful though, they are useful.

I'm a Pagan, and in recovery from alcoholism (as well as some drug abuse). Still, I recognize that most people can use alcohol, and pot, safely. Just remember that it is illegal, and you oughtn't get caught with it.

Anyway, the only real advice that I can give is to know what it is that you believe well. Live the best life that you can. Be consistent. Accept your in-laws as best you can. Always strive to be tolerant of their beliefs and practices, as long as you don't compromise your own.

Answer 6

First i like to say. You sound like an awesome person. Just dont focus on religion. You can lie to them and say "you are still searching." I you sound like a good person and you should try focus on you good points with them not religion. I dont recommend a debate there probably stuck in there fables. If you cant avoid it explain your position and stick to your guns. Get them some good books like "age of reason" as a gift if they keep at bothering you.


As for cannabis it is against the law. I personally think that alcohol and tobacco are way worse health wise. However marijuana does damage your lungs. So it does make you less healthy. So i hope you do it once in a while not every day.

Answer 7

It would be great if we could say that when we marry someone, that their family will gently blend into our lives. Unfortunately, it just isn't so for most of us. My fiance's parents are Italian Catholics and I decided to become agnostic shortly before I met him. They partake in family prayer at mealtimes and now that we're planning a wedding, I've felt what must be some of the pressures that you certainly feel in a more pronounced way.

I certainly think its in bad taste for people to disrespect your beliefs, which is exactly what I think is happening in your case. Remember, even when you are at their home, you have the right to politely abstain from conversations and questions that make you uncomfortable. When they are in your home - YOU make the rules, which means you have the right to change the topic of conversation - be them political, spiritual, religious or otherwise, as you see fit.

Also, speak with your husband about how his parents are making you feel. He married you, after all, and should have some stake in easing the tension between you and his parents. See if he would be willing to speak with your in-laws to see if they might be willing to be more understanding or at least agree not to discuss certain topics when you're together.

My sympathies for what you're going through - I'm sure its much more difficult than what I'm also experiencing. Best of luck to you!

Answer 8

Don't talk about the things that come between you. If they bring up the subject change it. Tell them that you love and respect Jesus (if you do) and let it go at that. Don't share with them your beliefs as the Bible says "don't cast your pearls before swine". Now I'm not calling them pigs, but they are not open to your feelings about spiritual matters so don't go there.

Another bit of advise from the Bible - Turn the other cheek. In other words don't allow their remarks to offend you. They are your extended family after all so do what you can to keep the peace.

Answer 9

refuse to be drawn into "discusions" about the God stuff.... While I would more likly take your inlaws side on most issues mentioned... they should not press the issue and you should refrain from actions and words that would offend while in their homes or,as much as possable, at any other time when around them..

there is very much evidence that smoke'n weed is just smoke'n weed... the active ingredients that are "medicaly helpful" are so small in just the "smokeing" that they do no real good... the distiled ingredients can be helpful in pill form or other medicaly proven ways to administer... you are just smok'n to feel good.. and it dose more harm to the body than good that way. you are a junky just like any other smoker...tobacky or whaky tobaky either one same same... dopes dope

You are not of The Christian Faith as your own words reveal... but that is no excuse for either side to be rude to the other...Talk it out and call a truce.

Answer 10

Dear person, please continue to admire Jesus's teachings or whoever else's, in your own way. You sound like a level-headed person with a good critical mind. IN other words, you seem to be able to see in gray terms - not just in black and white terms.
So, stop trying to get the hubby's family to accept you. You should not have to defend your beliefs to anyone - especially zealot-like, bible- thumping in-laws. If these people are driving you crazy, then I would suggest avoiding them if at all possible. Or at least cut down on the time you have to spend in their company. I'm totally serious. I'm a firm believer that a person should not stay in unhealthy relationships whether it be friend, family or whatever. I feel very sorry for you, hon. Please stay mentally healthy and consider your optionsThat's my honest advice.