How do you build self esteem?

Question

I don't know how to not hate myself. But I do. I've always thought people were better than I was. Always. I can honestly say that I don't like anything about myself. I know I'm pretty, but I think people are lying to me when they tell me that. I can't myself in the future at all. I can imagine someone loving me. I try to talk myself into believing good things. But I can't. Please give me some real advice. No bull.

Answer 1

Self esteem is a bit of a slippery sloap when it's low. And it can lead to people taking advantage of you, and you taking it cause you don't think you can get any better.

First thing is to love yourself for who you are. I know it sounds corny but it's something that you need to do. No one can really love you, until you love yourself.

You can workout, develop a social life, it's different for everyone. Get a self help book, seek counseling if needed.

Answer 2

Alcohol has been said to be courage in a shot, but it is the path to self loathing. You seem to have that down pat. Why to you think you need someone else to make you happy? 50% of all married people have decided that being alone is way better! Your body is telling you something is missing, and before you go trying to satisfy it with whatever, try to get in a routine. Exercise and set some goals. Changing your body can change your life and give you some purpose. It can also center your thinking around depending on yourself to create happiness. Try it for 30 days. Every time you leave the gym or the track you will actually feel your confidence grow with each new goal you meet. Start slow.

Answer 3

Hey, people like to, in general , bignote themselves. It's a good bloody bet that if people, and you did say PEOPLE, so it must be plural , are complimenting you then they dam well mean it. People don't say such things if they don't mean it, unless of course they turn round and ask you for something immidiately after. Of course their bloody well right. When your'e in a room with 20 people and 20 people in the room tell you someting, chances are they are right. Believe the people when they compliment you. You see we quite a bit of the time cannot see attributes about ourselves but others can, as we can see in other people. So the first thing to do is BLOODY WELL BELIEVE IT: IT'S TRUE.
Secondly you can do things to improve your appearence and confidence. Do something physical. It has wonders for self confidence. One, you feel exillerated afterwards and two, you'll improve you physical appearence. Also you can improve the way to dress. Find out what impresses people, something fashionable and trendy, and dress up in it . You'll be surprised that people will compliment you. Go and do things. For not only will you feel good in doing them but the accomplishments will increase your confidence about youself. But above all, remember who and what you are. You are a human being. An intelligent creature who is the pinnacle of evolution(or creation) and you have, along with other, a number of great charactaristics. Believe what other people say about you. If they say you are pretty. For christ's sake- YOU ARE. And if people say you are pretty, someone WILL love you. Relax and don't take youself too seriously. Learn to laugh. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE WHEN OTHER PEOPLE TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE WORTH IT - DON'T BE STUPID - BELIEVE THEM.

Answer 4

Dang. I know exactly how you feel. That question could have just as easily been written by me. Except I'm not pretty. I feel like i'm such a screw up, and that nobody could ever love me. I feel like I'm not good at anything.

However, there is one thing I do know. I'm not trying to sound all preachy, and even I have a hard time remembering this, but God loves you. I know this, because I know he loves me. And if he loves someone as worthless as me, he has to love everyone else. One night, when I was feeling more alone then usual, I got on my knees and prayed to see if God loved me like my parents and church leaders always said. I was probably on my knees for over an hour, crying and asking if he loved me or cared about me. Then all of the sudden, I felt this rush of love and warmth wash over me. I knew that I wasn't completely alone in the world. I knew that God loved and cared about me. I knew it beyond all possible doubt.
Even now, i still relapse and start to think that i'm worthless and a waste of time to the earth, then i remember the feeling I had that night. And I stress again, if God could love someone like me, he has to love you. And thats something to lift the esteem. The most supreme being of the universe loves and cares about you.
Again, i'm not trying to sound preachy, it's just the truth and nothing else.
Email me if you want. I know exactly how you feel.

Answer 5

Your'e not alone. It sounds like you are simply displeased with certain things that are going on in your life. Have some me time, you are so worth it. Love yourself, I'm sure you are very beautiful. Take care of yourself first, not others. Everyone gets depressed once in a while. Try meditation, relaxing, and being good to you. You are unique in your own way. There is no one like you in the world, that's special in itself. I know sometimes it isn't easy, but try to be happy no matter what. Look for the good in everything and everyone. You will soon discover, things weren't as bad as I thought it was. I'm a Christian and a nurse, hang in there things will get better for you just wait and see. I'll pray for you.

Answer 6

You need to get out join health clubs go to the spa if you are not in school now go back start a new career its never to late. As I get older, I find myself thinking too much about (if only things had turned out this way or that way) I start to feel a little down, but I just snap myself out of it and say god has a plan for me. I will keep my self-busy and wait on him there is a saying that goes like this (God may not be early but he is never late) do not be so hard on yourself.

Answer 7

You have to challenge the distorted messages you're giving yourself. We all have a self-talk 'tape' that's constantly playing in our head, that's part of our stream-of-consciousness, and that's where the messages you're receiving are coming from. Maybe one or both of your parents abused you in some way. Maybe you got negative verbal messages about yourself when you were a kid. Maybe your peers made fun of you. Whatever caused it, you still have all those negative, distorted, unrealistic messages playing in your head, and you naturally take for granted that they're true without challenging them. Well, they're not true!

Try becoming self-aware of your thoughts when you're having them. Before you go to bed at night, write the thoughts you've had about yourself during the day down in the journal. Then when you get good at noticing your negative thought, stop, acknowledge it, and then replace it with at least one positive thought. So for every negative thought, you have to have one, two or more positive ones. See how that works.

Cognitive therapy teaches you how to become aware of these thoughts and how to categorize them. All thoughts of this kind fall into 8-10 categories (e.g., all-or-nothing thinking, fortune-telling, overgeneralizing, minimizing the positive, etc.). There are specific exercises you can do to get control of these thoughts and then replace them with rational ones. Over time you will begin to believe more realistic things about yourself, and your self-esteem will build. I will leave a link to a great self-help cognitive therapy book at the end of this.

Another thing that's helped a lot of people is affirmations. You write down positive things about yourself on a piece of paper, and hang it up where you have to see it. If you repeat these affirmations, you start to believe it, too, and feel better about yourself eventually.

Also, find out what you enjoy doing (e.g., musical instrument, art, crafts, sports), and set aside some time every day if you can devoted to that activity. When you see you're competent in an area, that can really help.

Well, those are the best things I can come up with that helped me the most, and believe me, I hated myself for a long time (abusive upbringing). So if it can work for me, it can work for anyone.

There is a very good message board at iVillage for self esteem support where there are a bunch of helpful people: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhselfesteem

It also might help you to get into some professional counseling. You seem the type (intelligent, self-aware) that could really benefit from it.

Here is the link to the book I was telling you about:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/sr=8-2/qid=1166495674/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/102-8021550-4638517?ie=UTF8&s=books

Affirmation book:
http://www.amazon.com/Affirmations-Your-Passport-Happiness-Marie-Evers/dp/096802923X/sr=1-1/qid=1166495767/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-8021550-4638517?ie=UTF8&s=books

You can also email me if you want.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I just went through the same thing recently. I figured: everyone is different. They are them, and I am me. In addition, I have it better than about 80% of the world's population. Although this fact did not help me. Every individual is special, there is always something special about everyone. You have family and friends that care. Try smiling into the mirror every now and then; it usually helps me.

Answer 9

Your self-esteem is best defined as how much you like yourself. The more you like yourself, accept yourself and respect yourself as a valuable and worthwhile person, the higher your self-esteem is. The more that you feel that you are an excellent human being, the more positive and happy you are.We often tend to take those people for granted that like us and spend time in pleasing those who have passed harsh comments on our past acts or those who failed to remember our birthday. Understand that people who are nice to you are worth spending more time with and try to make out time for those who really like you for what you are.best of luck

Answer 10

You seem to have that misconception about looks determining one's self esteem. I have to admit, looks do play a role in helping a person feel good about himself/herself. But looks aren't the main determining factor. If a man is initially attracted to you, that's probably because you are visually attractive to him. Note, that's just attraction. What really sustains a relationship is determined by your inner self- how much love you have shown to people around you and how your kind acts touch others. Looks fade someday. Are you going to have lowered self esteem with each passing year?