he is 10, he thinks that he is a bad person because of the thoughts that he has. he has thoughts about girls,kissing,cusing, and ect. i told him that it's not a bad thing as long as he doesnot act or hurt anyone or himself.and i told him tha's justpart of growing up but he said that he can't help it but to feel guilty inside because of his thoughts. he crys and tells me that no matter what i say he still feels like a bad person, i sound like a brocken record i tell him over and over again, " baby it's just part of growing up and your a good person". I don't know what else to do, i don't want him to feel guilty and likea bad person, i tell him toturn bad thoughts in to good ones. I really don't know if it's really just part of growing up or if he is tryingto reach out tome and I lost and don't knowwhat to do.I want him to get the help he needs but if it's just a stage, I'm scared that the doctor will put him on pills. I'm not saying pills are bad but if it's just a stage? advise please?
2006-12-18 11:56:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I always think that actions speak louder than words. It might help if you show him some examples of good and bad people, and ask him what they are thinking. For example, do a lot of people think of spitting on someone else? Sure. How many people act on it? Not very many, but Terrell Owens made the choice to do it. That is what makes the difference between good people and bad people, the choices we make, not the way we think.
2006-12-18 12:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by makin_the_same_mistakes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The poor angel. First off, be thankful your son has a conscience. Alot of kids between 10-16 have little to none for their behaviors, let alone their thoughts.
Second, ask him why he thinks it's bad. Is he acting on these thoughts and is in turn ashamed by it? If he's not hurting anyone, including himself, then I would suggest maybe a school counselor. If he doesn't feel comfortable talking to him/her, then a family therapist maybe so you can both be involved?
Last, keep doing what you're doing. Supporting him and telling him what a good child he is will help him see that he has a good support system at home and can trust you and tell you anything without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. It's great that he talks to you!! Make sure you always remain open and available to him. He sounds like a good boy. But there's something driving his guilty feelings. Find that out, and you can help him overcome it. Good luck!
2006-12-18 13:06:40 · answer #2 · answered by Momof4boys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In addition to the other helpful suggestions you may ask him if anyone has done any of these things to him before and is that why he feels bad about them. You just never know in this day and age and those things occur which could be difficult if not impossible for a kid to talk about. When someone is abused they often turn it inward and feel they are the bad person instead of knowing that it's the perpetrator of such a thing. Just a thought I have children of my own and one near that age.
2006-12-18 12:16:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, ask him why believes it's bad to think about kissing, why thinking about girls makes him a bad person etc. I'm sure somewhere he has a distorted belief he picked up unintentionally from some conversation, and got it twisted around in someway that is torturing him.
Questions are the way you get to address those misbeliefs. Treat what he says gently.
Good Luck
2006-12-18 12:00:55 · answer #4 · answered by freshbliss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, forget about pills, there's most likely nothing wrong with him. Thats usually just a quick method some parents use to shut up their child when they don't feel like dealing with their problems anymore. Second, he should be taught that thoughts of kissing girls, and thinking about girls isn't bad in fact far from it. I think this society trains boys specifically that somehow liking girls in general is somehow offensive to women. The whole "don't treat women as sexual objects" way of thinking goes so extreme that it makes boys think that even the slightest thought of liking a girl is bad when it's natural.
He sounds like he's feeling bad about himself because he's being supressed from acting like himself. Let him know that it's only bad to hurt people, it's not bad to cus or like girls. Kids cus all the time when their parents aren't around, and parents cus when there kids aren't around. There's a balance with how you behave. I think he needs to be taught that by you, and you need to embrace that way of thinking.
2006-12-18 12:03:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever religion he has isn't working for him if he is begging to be punished. Explore with him who is good and who is bad and why. See who in his life is setting the standard for his thinking - other kids, teachers, people he used to know, . etc.
It seems the most effective tactics of modern warfare are by design "unforgivable" atrocities. The concept might have gotten into him and is too painful for his young mind to digest. Adults simply delude themselves, kids can't.
2006-12-18 12:20:40 · answer #6 · answered by Happy Camper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been taking him to church? That might be the problem. Religion has a way of making people feel guilty for being human.
2006-12-18 11:58:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a family therapist. They won't do pills at this moment. They will just cousel and talk and see if there is something deep going on. Good luck!
2006-12-18 12:42:57 · answer #8 · answered by party_pam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i would tell him about others who have done much worse, like about someone who committed murder, and that they are a bad person, and that just thinking isnt bad, compare his thoughts with killing people or stealing or something really bad, to SHOW him thats hes not a bad person...
2006-12-18 12:00:37 · answer #9 · answered by katie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe ask a priest to help and speak with him.
2006-12-18 12:01:00 · answer #10 · answered by worldsource19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋