She doesn't seem so at first, but she litters (intentionally), she leaves her garbage laying all over in stores, etc. and she is a smoker who thinks that her husband not letting her smoke in their apartment is a violation of rights or something. Her parents are devout Christians, her father is a minister. I doubt they raised her to be this way. How do people get like this? Do you know anyone like this? What do you say to them?
2006-12-18 11:38:53 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I just say 2 words: BUH-BYE
2006-12-18 11:49:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two different issues here: The first is littering thing, and I don't think there's anything you can do about some else who litters. If you're with her you could pick up after her if you want, and then say, "I'll run this over to the trash for you." Either she'll let you do that or else she'll figure out you don't approve of the littering and change while she's with you; but there's not much else you can do.
If you wanted to you could possibly mention how very few people today still litter. That was once a bigger problem than it is now, but most people don't do it these days. If you have a certain type of relationship with her you might be able to get away with this type of thing.
When it comes to her idea about whether she should be able to smoke in her own home? There's a conflict of rights in that situation. Her husband has a right to breathe the clean air he prefers to breathe. She should have a right to smoke in her own home if she wishes. Obviously, someone's right has to go in this circumstance; but I can't help but wonder if they couldn't work out a reasonable compromise that could involve, say, open windows and a certain room.
How did she get to be the litterbug/slob she is? Maybe her parents never taught to her respect other people's property or the Earth. Maybe they drilled it into her so much she grew up and just decided to rebel. Devout Christians or not, maybe her parents blew it when it came to know exactly how to make a baby's/toddler's brain form the right synapses when personality was being formed.
I knew someone who dealt with abused teenage foster girls (and sometimes younger children), and I knew many of these foster children. More than a few came from families who were "devout Christians". There was one family where a "devout Christian" foster father fathered a baby of a 14-old foster daughter who had been placed in his and his wife's home after being horribly abused by her biological family.
And when it comes to her father's being a minister? I'm not saying this guy was a bad guy, but "Catholic Church Scandale" - need I say more? My point is being a minister doesn't offer any guarantees of perfection either.
Being a litterbug/slob is obnoxious and has its antisocial edge to it, but in the scheme of life there are a whole lot of problems that are far more serious.
When it comes to the smoking thing? I think she ought to tell the husband she wants one room in the house, so she doesn't have to go outside to smoke. If he's paranoid about second-hand smoke she could put up a fan and open the windows. She may be disrespectful by littering, but he's being disrespectful by disregarding her personal (and maybe even temporary) need to smoke and be able to call her own home her own home.
I do know someone who was a horrendous slob when it came to leaving mess everywhere, and she was a battered child during the first couple of years of her life. She may or may not have had a mild case of autism, but she definitely had difficulty "going with the program" when it came to social and family situations. It is said that children from inadequate nurturing situations in their early years may respond inappropriately to stress, so the person I know grew up to be a smoker too. Maybe that's why. Chances are the person you know has some issues as well.
2006-12-18 20:09:04 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs some guidelines and a lesson on maturity. Probaly the reason she continues to do all this, is because no one has told her how much it offends people. Maybe you or someone else should politely ask her to dipose of her trash in a waste basket and if she could kindly smoke outside. Set some rules for her and plus give her respect too.
2006-12-18 19:44:04 · answer #3 · answered by eca1094 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this person is your true friend you owe her to tell her when she offends you. A lot of times the reason we stay so messed up as people is because we don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I believe that it is not just that. If a person does not call a friend on their mess then they don't have to be called on theirs. The problem is we are all offended but silent. Speak up. She may have never had someone tell her the truth. Just do it in love without being rude or mean. If she doesn't like it. Oh well.
2006-12-18 19:51:35 · answer #4 · answered by Special M 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe with her parents being devoutly religious, this is her little way of rebelling at the world (?) The next time you see her litter, just call her on it straight up and see how she reacts. She may not be doing it intentionally, but if she is, then you need to tell her to grow up.
2006-12-18 19:48:03 · answer #5 · answered by the_fatmanwalksalone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Beth, It doesn't matter what she was taught to do or act. Once a dirty pig always a dirty pig. You can't say anything to this kind of person. They do as they please,and don't care about others. Same your thoughts to yourself,and move on. Yes, i knew someone just like this. i know longer see this person because of this.
Clowmy
2006-12-18 19:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't say anything...
I wouldn't hang out with her under any circumstances.make any excuse.
She is just starting to rebel a little.
she has chosen her way in life , but
we all can change... She knows right from wrong and
by your exclusion she will understand you don't care for her behavior. wait her out,I guess :)
2006-12-18 19:51:55 · answer #7 · answered by to tell ya the truth........... 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋