Is this inappropriate?

Question

I am a college student and I joined a group called SPAG (student performing arts guild). At first it was fun, but it quickly became more work than what it's worth. It was starting to get in the way of my spiritual life (I am very religious). The advisor is a faculty member at the college and has always kind of creeped me out, like I get the feeling he's checking me out at times, but then I figure it's all in my head. Anyway, I resigned from the group, and then I got this e-mail from him:

I encourage you to adhere to your sacred observances. I am aware that Dec. 21st is very important to you. Because of its importance to you I support you in your decision for the Dance this Thursday. This freedom of choice is yours. However, you will let your Advisor know if your decision means missing the Dance completely, partially or not missing the dance at all.

(keep reading, I'll add on the rest)

As for your membership in the Group; I am not accepting your resignation because I am not done using you yet. I see potential worth in you that I want to guide and instruct. That being said, I will not take from you that which you can not handle nor will give you that which you are not ready for. I vow to be firm yet fair in your desires, needs and wishes. I vow no obstacle will be insurmountable while you are in My hands.

I take My responsibilities very seriously and I will exhaust Myself to see that you reach the potential you seek. Why you might ask? Because you have impressed and touch Me deeply with that potential that I have sensed in you. Plus, I have sensed an unfulfilled yearning and hunger that can be encouraged to bloom fully and soar freely and I believe that the end result that you will have to show for your faith will be remarkable.

To sum up: Trust Me, depend on Me, yield to Me and stay in the group.

your Advisor

Is this letter creepy-sounding to anyone else? By the way, I had a teacher a few years ago that sent me an e-mail that sounds a LOT like this one and he wound up raping me. Does this advisor have the right to keep me in the group against my will?

By the way, he's just an advisor supervising the group. I have had training in the theater and he's not even an acting teacher or anything.

Thanks Becky. :) I actually have healed from that, and am now stronger because of it. Luckily I can spot perverts better now.

Kittycat, I noticed that too! And my other teacher from the past did the exact same thing!

Answer 1

OMG. I'm sorry, but 'yield to me' is WAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY inappropriate!!!!!!!! Those are words used in romantic/intimate settings, not a college group! My strong feeling is this guy wants to be a lot more than your advisor! I'd go with your gut on this one, from all the evidence you've presented.

Plus, you are a grown woman, and no one has the right to make you do anything against your will.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Ok darling, you obviously know that you are dealing with something unusual. You are an Adult, and this group is voluntary yes? This "advisor" has absolutely no right to hold you to anything at all in any way shape or form. I agree with another answer to forward this note from him to the Dean of Students. I would also encourage you to scare him off. For example, If you have your parents with you still, have your Father call him directly and threaten his life in every manner of the word. His career, a lawsuit, and bodily harm! If not, contact a lawyer who gives free consultations and deals with harrassment cases and go have a chat with that proffessional. This guy is a creep, and EVERYONE you know needs to know about it. Bad news travels fast, and you are obviously a respected person in your world. So tell EVERYBODY he's a creep and it will ruin his reputation even if nothing else stems from the situation, he will definitely leave you alone.

Above all, be very careful and be extra safe when you are alone..

Good Luck

ssavage23

Answer 3

that does sound creepy in my opinion. I would show this letter to some other person of importance at the college and let them know that you want to resign from the class and that you are feeling pressured to stay by him and let them make their own impression of the letter. He has no right to make you feel pressured to stay if you want to go. His intentions in the letter may be honest..then again they may not and thats why I think you should show them to someone else at the school. If he has done anything wrong in the past, the there is proof (the letter) that he may have intended on doing something else in the wrong again.

Answer 4

yeah that's a little sickenning to read.

it's hard to tell what your advisor's intentions are from the letter. there's always a possibility that he sees great potential in you, and is genuinely concerned that you will be giving up a good thing if you leave. but even if that's the case, those are opinions that would best be made known in person, not over email, and he should not be speaking to you like he owns you. that's ridiculous.

it sounds like this should be discussed in person between the two of you. and if this is a situation you're not comfortable with, or feel you might be taken advantage of, have a parent accompany you to the meeting. i know you're in college and an adult youself, but a good person won't disrespect you in front of your mother or father, and having one or both of them with you may give you confidence to get the situation resolved

personally this guy sounds like a creep-o and i would definitely have another person there with me!

Answer 5

Not done using you?!!!

It sounds as if this person sees people as objects, not independent. He or she may be very controlling or see your leaving as some kind of personal affront. I noticed that the letter writer gives you freedom of choice mixed with a kind of vague threat.

After pretending to be supportive, then controlling, there is a flip to a confusing level of committment. "I see special in you.." oy!, a little melodramatic don't you think? After that letter, I would excuse myself from the group or get somebody with actual theatrical ,(formal that is), performing arts talent.

Lastly, if this person comes across as creepy, maybe there is a reason. Take him at his word, make a choice and follow your convictions.

Answer 6

i don't know. sounds fishy to me. you know what? if you don't feel comfortable doing the spag thing anymore then don't it's your choice and your alone. you can politely say no thankyou if that's your choice but you know you should take into consideration your gut feelings and instinct. personaly i think you should find some other place for you to do that kind of thing where you feel more safe. if you do choose to go back then for a while i'd keep a cell, a friend, and some sort of defense thing just in case something really spooks you.

Answer 7

I would say that sounds pretty innapropriate! Tell him that you wouldn't have resigned if you didn't mean it, and that you are old enough to be able to make your own decisions... thank him for his concern, but advise him that you did find his persistance to be innapropriate, and any more messages that urge you to trust him and stay with his group will be immediately reported to his superiors and forwarded to your attourney and the local police.
That's how I would do it :)

Answer 8

I agree with everyone who said to turn him into the Dean. He has no right to force you to stay in the class. I would also report him to the police. He sounds like a sketchy character.

I am truly sorry to hear about the other teacher who raped you. I hope that you are on the road to healing.

Answer 9

Print it out, take it to the head of the Department, and tell them you want to quit.

It doesn't sound like its your dream to be a dancer? This guy is taking it too far, its too involved. This seems very inappropriate, the letter in itself seems to hint at other things. The letter itself seems informal, he IS creepy. You might be saving his *** from getting fired by getting out before he goes too far, but at least it keeps you away from the guy eh?

Answer 10

You should reply - Thank you for your sincere encouragement but my decision to depart your group stands. I am sure you will find another as talented if not more to shower with your nurturing and tutelage. Kindest regards with wishes for your future success. (signed you). This will clearly and precisely confirm your disinterest in both him and the group. Good Luck!