I love my children and want the best for them, but I don't know if I can stay married to my husband for them. My family goes to church every Sunday, we eat dinner together every night, and spend weekends together. But even through all this, my husband has a girlfriend. He has admitted it and is sorry but not enough to stop his affair. He is staying in our marriage for the kids and because he cares about what people think. I still love my husband even though he does things I don't understand but I don't know if I can continue to stay in this marriage. I feel like our family is double faced. We may look like the perfect family, but really, were messed up. I don't want my kids to think our family life is normal, what we go through is healthy. I have two children. Ages 6 and 3. My husband behaves and thinks like he is doing nothing wrong and has even brought his girlfriend over for dinner.
2006-12-18 11:18:09 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
its not fair to stay in a false relationship for the kids....it will be worse for them if you stay together than if you 2 seperate....just be truthful honest and fair to the kids.
2006-12-18 11:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by Ollie B 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Your children do NOT need to see the kind of marriage the two of you will experience while they are growing up. That is a terrible example to set for them. If you, yourself, are frightened about the future once you've left, then start small. Set up a pullout couch for your ex-husband (you should start thinking of him as such NOW). Confide in a close friend or family member what is going on and try to pick someone that has a hard time keeping secrets. The sooner everyone knows, the more support you'll find coming your way. And BONUS!, your ex-husband's perfect little arrangement gets turned on it's head so he will hopefully feel ashamed once the secret's out. I'm willing to bet cash money he comes crawling back once people realize he's a scumbag. But whatever you do, don't EVER take him back because he obviously doesn't care about or respect you. Your children deserve better than to grow up with a lie.
2006-12-18 13:16:10 · answer #2 · answered by Sam C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand and I just went through that not too long ago...I don't think you should stay with your husband just for the kids. You can still be a good mother to your children without your husband. Remember if you're not happy in a relationship then how do expect the children to be happy if they see you being sad all the time...They will have resentment toward you not your husband because you're making it impossible because your sad...
You're living a lie if you continue to live the way you live. You're cheating yourself out of happiness. Why should he have his cake and eat too? That's no way live, that's just existing because of the children sake. You deserve to be happy and living the life you want.
Your husband's action is unforgivable by bringing his girlfriend home. Children learn from the parents action. By doing this, your children might grow up to think that there is nothing wrong of having a spouse and the significant other. This behavior can cause problems for your children. Your children will not have respect for you if this continue because if your husband walk all over you, your children will do the same.
When you do decided to get a divorce, make your children know and understand why this has to be done. Explain to them that it's not them, it's between you and your husband. You and your children will have to get professional help from this ordeal.
Good luck
2006-12-18 11:48:14 · answer #3 · answered by stiletto 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never stay married "just for the kids". While kids may not understand in adult terms what is going on, they do KNOW when something is wrong.
If your husband cares so much about what people think, then why is he in a situation that would show other people exactly how much disrespect he has for you? Affairs don't stay secret, no matter how you dress it up for the outside world. If he won't end his affair, then he has made his choice.
Walk away now... Take the kids with you...
2006-12-18 11:56:08 · answer #4 · answered by keltarr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not doing your children any favors by keeping up a joke of a marraige. Your children will do much better in life being raised by a happy mother and you have the right to be loved in a correct way which you find satisfying.
If the old man is truly interested in appearances, your telling him its over may be what breaks it off with the girlfriend, but if I were you I would get it over with and move on.
Tell the children that both you and their father love them and allow them freedom to visit with their Dad unrestricted if he is a good father, but for you own sake,, get out or force him to choose and then make your marraige right.
2006-12-18 11:23:33 · answer #5 · answered by yeller 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
my mom and dad always have problems i mean bigggggggg problems since the day i was born but mom thought for my own sake she won't get divorce now when am adult ofcourse i appericate what my mom did to me but it was wrong,coz now i hate my dad and i look at my mom as someone who cant defend her self much..the person who feels that her husband doesnot treat her good she should get divorce be4 she loose her dignity infront of her children if she wants her children to respect her in future
2006-12-18 11:50:56 · answer #6 · answered by Tara 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't even believe that you have to ask...seriously, I'm sorry, but what kind of example are you setting for your daughter is you have one, and if not then what kind of men will your sons be??? Nevermind that eventually you will regret your decision, and the children will probably suffer for it in other ways than they already are.
2006-12-18 11:33:58 · answer #7 · answered by tanyaah38 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow!! he brings her over for dinner and you allow this? I'm sorry but his butt would be out the door real fast. i would not allow anyone to treat me this way.even for the children. sure he says he stays because of the kids, but the real reason he stays is because you allow him to have his cake and eat it too. please tell him it is time for him to go. trust me your kids are young now but as they get older they will see that you are not at all happy and before long they will figure things out. kids are not stupid. get your respect and dignity and self esteem back. KICK HIM OUT!!!
2006-12-18 11:25:02 · answer #8 · answered by here to help 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OMG, he brought her over for dinner??? Dump that guy. Sue him for child support, and get on with your life. You deserve better than that. And your kids certainly do too.
2006-12-18 11:47:52 · answer #9 · answered by Leela G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is NOT healthy for your children! For their sake, go ahead and file for divorce. The settlement should go well for you because of his infidelity.
2006-12-18 11:23:03 · answer #10 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋