Hi. I was dating someone for 2 years and i recently broke up with him. I saw another side of him over the past few months that i didn't like very much and it changed my feelings for him. i tried talking to him about it and it didn't change anything so it came to the point where i just didn't want to be around him anymore. i finally told him i wasn't in love with him anymore and he took it very badly. i do love him as a friend and i feel just terrible about it. now he keeps calling and emailing me with mixed emotions (some very hateful and others full of love). is there anything i can say or do to help make this easier for him? when i respond nicely and at length he takes it as a sign that theres hope and when i respond short (not mean) he says that im cold. any advice would be helpful. thanks.
2006-12-18 11:12:16 · 8 answers · asked by Anna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thank u so much for your answers.
i know it is difficult after a breakup to expect a friendship and i didn't. if we could be friends in the future it would be great but i didnt expect anything like that from him now.
i stopped all communication with him after i told him i wanted to break up. but with all his emails i thought it was somewhat disrespectful to ignore him based on our history and time together. i know now that by responding to him i am just making things harder for him. i appreciate all your feedback.
2006-12-18 11:28:15 · update #1
Thanks so much again for your support and feedback. He left me another really long and emotional voicemail. There were no questions and he didn't ask me to call back. It sounded like he just wanted to vent about how lost he was and how disappointed he was with the way things turned out. i didn't call him back as some of you suggested. as much as i feel incredibly guilty for not calling back i think you all were right in that being the best way to handle it right now. thank you again for everything and i wish you all happy holidays.
2006-12-21 10:50:11 · update #2
Whats Up Anna, Well i know exactly how you feel right now because i have just ended a 6 year realationship and let me tell you it was the hardest thing for me to ever do cuz you allways thought that this is it hes the one and i wont have to ever make any life changing decisions like this one! Right? well you will allways have a special love for him, and it seems he loves you too but you want to be happy. So tell him If you want me to be happy and you love me then you should want me to be with the one who makes me happy no matter who or what it is. And also when you get his responses on what you write to him and so forth , Make sure he knows exactly what the deal is, do say or do anything that might lead him on at all, be very blunt but in a sincere way , "i want to be friends when you and i are ready to chill on friend basis and i just have different fellings and i cant change my feelings. I respect you eneough not to strig you on and lie to me and you .
2006-12-18 12:32:46 · answer #1 · answered by renee l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-23 05:37:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation and I am in the same one. When youre nice to him, he takes it the wrong way. whyn you're cold, it destroys his hope. The best thing you can do is tell him you need a break to figure yourself out. No emails, no calls, no contact. This is the ONLY way he will be able to move on without you constantly on his mind. It may be hard for both of you but it is the best thing to do in the long run.Good Luck!
2006-12-18 11:15:39 · answer #3 · answered by surfer_grl_ca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep - this is tough. From my experience, it's best to not try to be friends. The other will always think there's a chance to get back together, and it will make them crazy. Just let him know you're sorry for the way things turned out, but that you're moving on now and wish him the best. Then, be done with it and move on.
2006-12-18 11:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by fredtubbs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why don't you tell him exactly how you stated it here? tell him that you don't know how to deal with him anymore because you are afraid to mislead him or be too cold with him.....
I think you should ask him this one question...ask him if he thinks the two of you could ever be friends that are not romantically involved? if he says yes.....then tell him that the best way to achieve that friendship is to stay away from eachother till his feelings of love for you are not so strong.....
It is kind of selfish to break up with somebody and then tell them you still want to be their friend.You can't move on and function well if the person you love is around you all the time but you are restricted to not touch or show love to them.
2006-12-18 11:20:55 · answer #5 · answered by Pinkie_&_the_Brain 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know girl, its seems like he got a little crazy on you. Just keep real with him and tell him how you feel. I dont exactly what you are saying to him but dont beat around the bush. Because if he is acting crazy like this he could be capable of being a stalker. Good Luck
2006-12-18 11:19:00 · answer #6 · answered by cutie_192000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes- make it easier by ending all communication. Stop responding, stop giving him your time and attention. Just tell him you won't respond anymore, and STOP. You don't need a friendship with him, he can't handle it. Block him, no matter how "mean" it makes you feel. He sounds mental.
2006-12-18 11:15:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to cut contact with him for a while. Being nice or being mean isn't going to work. After a while, maybe you can be friends. If you keep talking to him, it will be harder for him to get over you.
2006-12-18 11:15:52 · answer #8 · answered by happyha31 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋