Can you give me some good jokes to pass. Best joke gets picked as best answer?

Answer 1

-Do you know what's been up with Saddam Hussein lately?
-Just hanging around

Answer 2

Two guys go on an exotic trip in the middle of nowhere. One guy is relaxing while the other takes a leak as he is taking a leak, a snake bites him "down there". He screams in pain so his buddy runs for miles to the local witch doctor to get help. He tells the witch doctor that his friend got bit. Before he could explian all the details, the witch doctor says that the ONLY WAY that his friend could survive a snake bite is to suck the area where the snake bit. The guy runs back miles to his injured buddy who is still screaming in pain.
" What did the doctor say, ask his friend?"
" Dude he said you are going to die"

Answer 3

A brunet,a red head,and a blonde one day want to go hunting. So the brunet says I'm gonna get a buck,so she comes 5 minutes later with a buck. The others asked how she did it,and she said I found tracks,followed tracks,and got a buck. The red head says,I'm gonna get a doe. So she comes back 5 minutes later withe a doe. The others asked how shhe did it,and she said,I found tracks,followed tracks,and got a doe. So the blonde says, I'm just shoot whatever I see. So she comes back half a day later all bloody and bruised. The othres asked how it happened,and she said,I found tracks followed tracks and got hit by a train.

Answer 4

This is a Blonde Joke

Three girls walk into a bar. One s a Brunet, another is a Redhead, and the last one is a Blonde. The bartender said that there is a mirror in the back and if you tell the truth then you get a present but if you lie then you die.
The Brunet goes up to it and said, "I might be the smartest person in this bar" and she gets a prize.
The Redhead goes up to it and said, " I might be the most atlethic in this bar" and she gets a prize.
The Blonde goes up to it and said, " I think... " and she died.

Answer 5

Two men are sitting in a bar and the first man says, "Oh no, I'm out late again my wife is going to kill me when I get home."

The second guy says, "Don't you even try to avoid getting yelled at by her, I mean everyone stays out late at least once why not just sneak into the house."

The first man replies, "I know, I try, you see I drive home and when I'm one street away I turn off my headlights and I drift into the garge in neutral. I change before I'm in the bedroom and when I go to pee I stick my foot in the toliet and pee down my leg so she won't hear and just as I slip into the covers she starts yelling at me."

The second man cuts him off, "No no no, see this is what I do. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, stomp into the bathroom, piss hard, flush as loudly as I can, jump into the bed, slap her a_s and yell 'WHO'S HORNY?'. She acts like she's asleep everytime."

Answer 6

Two friends from different parts of a tropical country were having some good talk.
MM tells his friend; " One day when going fishing in my area, one of my mates towed up a 100 metres fish and we all were very happy and carried it home".
PP responded; 'Look, at my area we have good time living amongst the most dangerous reptiles - crocodiles, adders, vipers, tarantulas - without any of them attacking us. We even greet them and shake hands with them'.
MM yells " I don't beleive you, mate".
PP responds ' In that case, .......shorten that 100 metres fish, before the reptiles start attacking us...........

Answer 7

there was this blond who wanted to make some money so she went to a playground and took this 7 year-old boy she stuck a piece of paper on the boy's shirt it said:
if you want your son back bring me $100,000 tomorrow at this park, i will be at the slide and i am a blond

and she sent the boy to his mother

the next day the boy came to the park with a paper bag with $100,000 and a note that said:
how could do this to a fellow blond?

Answer 8

three men go to see a psychiatrist
an alcoholic a smoker and a homosexual
the psychiatrist tells them : if you do what you do one more time you are going to die

the three men walk down the street together

the alcoholic sees his favorite bar and the smell of liquor entangles him
so he goes and has a drink
he dies

the smoker and the homosexual are walking down the street
the smoker spots a cigerette on the ground

the homosexual says to him : if you bend down to pick that up we're both dead

Answer 9

3 pregnant women talking. The brunette says ''I'm going to have a male baby because I did it in the masculine position.'' The red head says,'' I'm going to have a girl baby because I did it in the feminine position.'' The blond starts crying and crying, the other expectant mothers calm her down and ask her why she is crying and the blond says,'' I'm going to have a puppy.''

Answer 10

A very high class woman was walking through an art exhibit. She got the attention of a salesman and was referring to a frame. She said "Sir, is this supposed to portray a witch?" The salesman said, "No ma'am, that's a mirror."

A man called 911. His wife was in labour.
MAN: 911? My wife is in labour! The contractions are 2 minutes apart!!
MEDIC:Okay, sir. Don't panic. Now is this her first child?
MAN:No, you idiot! This is her husband speaking!

I hope you liked those.

Answer 11

Two unsaved gentlemen from Detroit are killed in a car wreck and are sent to hell. The first day, they're sitting around a burn barrel in sweats, warming their hands. Satan comes by and asks, "Aren't you guys miserable?" "Nah", they reply, "We're from Detroit; this feels pretty good." Satan gets mad, goes to the Fire Room and orders his band of imps to stoke 'er up full blast. The next day, even Satan himself sweating. He goes to check on the guys from Detroit, and they're sitting around in Bermuda shorts soaking it up merrily. Satan asks again, "Aren't you guys miserable yet?" "Nah", they reply again, "We're from Detroit; this feels pretty good." Satan storms off to the Fire Room, and orders the imps to shut down all burners and turn on the liquid nitrogen freezing units. The next day, it's 75 below and ice sickles are hanging everywhere. Satan goes to check on the guys from Detroit, and they're bundled up in snowmobile suits jumping around, singing, and high-fiving. Now Satan is furious! "You guys are from Detroit! Why aren't you miserable?" "Look around you!", they reply, "The Lions have won the Superbowl!"