Anybody have any advice on what to do with/for a teenage girl of 14 who stays out at night and doesn't?

Question

telephone to say where she is. She does drink alcohol but doesn't do drugs and says she has no boyfriend. i am lost as to what to do. Help

She is my daughter. I do set boundaries but she leaves the house when I am work etc. I do not give her any money at present. she has a cell phone which she leaves at home and her 'friends' switch theres of all the time.I cannot lock her up. she is not wandering the streets but is with people she regards as 'friends'. I telephone the police everytime she does not come in -they don't find her and when they question her as to addresses -where she stayed - she says she doesn't know the exact addresses and its left there. We are not in the US. We live in Scotland,UK
I do not believe violence helps either. Anymore suggestions. I also have other children 4 boys and this did not happen with them.

Answer 1

file an unruly on her. she is breaking curfew, and guess who is going to pay the ticket when she gets caught. where i live it is a $100.00 a ticket. they will place her on probation and they will call her at night to make sure she is at home. if she is not there she will have to spend the night or so in juvenile. again if she gets caught, you will have to miss work to go to court. worse case scenario she will get in trouble around the wrong crowd of people and can't get out of it. i will pray for you. good luck.

Answer 2

My first question is why do you let her go out at night without making her tell you where she is going? Second, you should tell her to call at least every hour to let you know where she is and what she is doing and don't let her stay out longer than 10pm on weekends and not at all on weeknights. You need to put your foot down and let her know you are the boss and you pay the bills and you are responsible for her welfare. You also need to tell her you love her and you don't want anything to happen to her and that is why you are controlling in these situations. You need to tell her that she could be picked up against her will and molested, raped, or even killed. She could run into some guy or predator who might kidnap her and you would never hear from her again. You should never let her go out with anyone or go anywhere where there is drinking. No 14 year old should be allowed to drink alcohol. I strongly urge you to take charge of your daughter and lay the law down to her now, before its too late. How do you know she isn't having sex with someone? If she got pregnant do you think she would tell you? She is a loose canon and you need to pull in the reins. If she were my daughter she would be confined to home during the weeknights and I would know where she is and what she is doing every weekend night she is out because I would make sure a responsible adult would be with the people she would be with. Count on it. I raised 2 sons this way and they both are very grateful for my love and concern.

Answer 3

Have you talked with her about it? Have you thought that she might want more freedom than she already has? Drinking is a kind of drug and all in all it is bad. I do believe that it not the worst thing in the world and it is okay to go and do in a safe environment. Make sure that her friends will take care of her and help her out in bad situations. Does she have a cell phone? or a curfew? Talk to her about how important it is for her to call in every once in a while so you won't get worried and you'll know that she is safe- that is her responsibility not yours. As for the boyfriend thing--- If she hangs out with an older crowd then she might try to impress them more so she won't get clowed on. Make sure she gets tested and just let her know that you are always going to be there for her when she needs to talk. Be the authority and at the same time a friend.

Answer 4

What were you like at 14? I remember what I was like and gave the same answers just to get my parents off of my back. At 14 I was pretty sure that I knew everything and could take care of myself with no help. She is a teenager and going through what a lot of teenagers are going through. It's school, their friends, their hair and their clothes. She is doing more things that you think . Please don't be her friend. Be her parent. Don't let her stay out all night. Go and find her and bring her home. If she won't come nicely call the police and show her what happens when the world has consequences. She is probably staying out all night to impress a boy. Lay down the rules and guidelines and if she won't follow them you have to get tougher. When I was 25 I apologized to my dad for being the rotten teenage girl I was. He laughed and accepted my apology. I don't know how he didn't kill me....LOL...Good luck. Be tough and be the parent not the friend.

Answer 5

Be her parent not her friend.

Additional Comment: If she is this disrespectful at age 14 it will only get worse. Personally, I would start looking for ways to add more structure to her life (i.e. after-school programs, tutor, anything to keep her supervised and busy). If money is an issue maybe find her a part-time after school job (again supervised and busy). It sounds like her friends are not the best influence. Also, counseling is not a bad idea. This can help get things back on track. Unless the counselor finds your daughter has serious issues, a handful of sessions should give you both the tools you need to communicate.

Answer 6

I'm sorry sweetie, but you have to nip that in the butt! If you don't want her to go out, put your foot down and say you're tired of her staying out all night without letting you know where she is, and unless she gives you the address and or phone number of where she will be that night, then she can't go out. The worst thing for her is to stay out all night. She's only 14, so it's not the worst thing in the world right now, to have to stay home. Because otherwise, she'll be coming home pregnant at 14.... and that will make worrying about her staying out all night a walk in the park compare to worrying about her being pregnant. Good luck!!!! I'm rooting for you!!!!

Answer 7

Well, you should try to talk to her and make "friends only" plans, instead of letting her drink and going out to those parties. At 14 it is way too dangerous for her to go around doing that, especially with the high risk of rape these days. If that dosen't work, and it pains me to say this, but you should tell her parents what's going on. They'd rather get a phone call from you saying what's going on than from the hospital or the police. If your too scared to face up to her parents, then go to a trusted adult, of someone your friend admires.

Hope this helps.

Yes

Answer 8

If my daughter did something like that I would find her, drag her home if I had too and call the police on the person that supplied her with alcohol. If she thinks I'm going to be her "friend" she's got another thing coming. I'm going to be the parent first and the one thing she doesn't want to do is piss me off.

Answer 9

If you are her mother, tell her it is YOUR house, and you are locking the door at midnight, or other reasonable hour of your choice...That'll get her either thinking she better get her butt home or get her in trouble where she'll need you anyway...then you can let her have it...Discipline the hell out of her, throw away her phone, tell her she's not goin out for a couple weeks til she learns responsibility...

Answer 10

Why have you lost control of a 14 year old? you need to bring some discipline into her life...She wants it..She wants you to take charge. You must stop her drinking..When I was a teenager I wanted nothing more that to have my parents set limits for me and to punish me when I stepped over those limits..that's what parents are for. Your kid is out of control and at some level that is very scary for a kid.