How would you respond?

Question

Ever since my son passed, I've had trouble answering the question "How many children do you have?" Even though one of my children is no longer "here", he is still my child but I'm not sure exactly how to answer this question. I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable for asking, but I also want people to know about him. How would you answer this question if you were in my place?

Answer 1

It would be up to you to decide. Do what makes you feel best in honoring your childREN.

My mother had 8 children; secondborn was a stillbirth. I am actually her thirdborn child, but I have always said that I am the secondborn since that was what I was told/taught. When my mom's firstborn died, in the obituary, she included all eight of her children. She now refers to all of her children, but it was for "her" to come to terms with her first lost child when she lost her second one.

She'll say that she had eight children and six are living. If they really want to know about the two that passed away, they'll ask or it remains at that and there is no further discussion.

I hope that helped you.

:-)

Answer 2

Well, I AM in your place and it isn't always easy. I usually say, "My son died nearly 14 years ago, but I still have a daughter." If they are uncomfortable, it's their problem. I refuse to not acknowledge my son, because he was very important to me, just as your son is to you.

It's hard to lose a child, and our hearts will never heal. But it does get better with time. I'm sorry you lost your son, too. .

Answer 3

I had this problem, too and a friend helped me. I say: "I had 4, but our (youngest son) passed on (a few years back)." Of course they say "I'm sorry", you say "Thank you" and then YOU gently glide the conversation to a safer avenue.