After finding my long lost Dad (despite everyone telling me he was scum) after 33 years, I made a joke about the size of his xmas card and he took it the wrong way. Now he has said he wants nothing to do with me, the kids and my hubby, In a very verbal and abusive way.
I dont need him never had, just would have been nice to have a Dad that was a Dad like my hubbie is to our kids.
Whats your worst with your Dad?
2006-12-18 09:04:44 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you "don't need him and never have" you would not be writing here to Yahoo! Answers asking us what our worst experiance is with our dads. You obviously are very hurt and deeply wish things could have been different. It IS difficult to not have a decent father or even a father at all. We are formed by our parents and when one is missing, even one who is "scum", we are altered by that, harmed by that, and it does affect us well into our adulthoods.
Yeah, even a bad dad is better than none at all. At least a bad dad still loves his children in his own twisted way, even the most abusive love their children, they just don't know how to go about loving anyone properly, let alone their children.
I am very sorry your dad is acting like such a child. He sounds like he is very miserable, has low self esteem and a a lack of confience in his own worth. If he didn't lack in these ways he would not have choosen to become so offended by your remark, would not have taken what you said in such a negitive light.
With that said, I hope you can find a way to put this pain behind you. It took you effort and time to find this man and now he has rejected you twice in your lifetime. That has to hurt a lot and make you wonder what it is that makes him do such a thing. Even adults can take their cues from their parents and a situation like this, already ripe with abondanment issues and loss, is bound to hurt a lot.
You know who you are and what your worth is. You have a good husband, or you would not have said he is a good dad to your and his children. He obviously loves you and you love him. I don't know about the rest of your family, you remarked how they down talked your dad before you ever met him, which a parent should never do in front of a child, regardless of how true the statements may be.
I am also sorry your children will not be able to enjoy this new grandfather. However, I sounds like you are all better off without him causing such angst amidst your family. Sometimes the hard things are what make us the strongest, and by seeing his behavior you can know what you do and don't want to do with your own children.
It is the hollidays, and it would have been nice if he could have waited until afterwards to throw his little fit, but he didn't so he will miss out on this holliday and all the hollidays to come. I am sorry that means you will miss out on the type of father you so deeply wished you had. It is very difficult to have to go through this type of grief at this time of year. He has choosen to abondone you again, for the second time in your life, and that must be very painfull for you, especially at the hollidays.
You did not deserve to be treated so shabbily after you went so far out of your way to reach out to this man who ran out on you as a child. I am so sorry he is such a jerk.
Bless you and keep you and your entire family. Try to enjoy the hollidays without letting this man bring you and your family down. I also know well meaning people say "he is the one missing out" but I know from personal experiance that somebody who does not love us the way we love him/her is not really the one missing out, as they are not the one emotionally iinvested in the "relationship", we are. So, if somebody is not emotionally invested how can they miss out on something that simply means little or nothing to them? As sad as it makes me, they just are not the one missing out, the one who is emotionally invested is the one missing out. I know as I have a mother like your father. My situation is the reverse of yours. I grieved over the lack of her love for years, and finally came to a place of peace about it. It took me a very long time, but I am Ok now with how things stand between us. She is the one who choose not to love me, not I her, but I accept that now, and have moved on, finally. It took me years to do so though and it hurt like heck. She is who she is and now I do not identify with her. What I mean is I don't allow how much she does or does not love me affect my own feelings of self worth.
I wish you the very best Holliday possible and a very Happy New Year. One in which you can finally put this man and his broken relationship with you behind you, as I finally did with my mother. He will always be your father, but that does not mean he has to affect your life. Good luck and much happiness in life.
2006-12-18 09:42:44 · answer #1 · answered by Serenity 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, that really stinks, guess they were right when they said he was not a great guy...
as hard as it is, you gotta play the adult here, he obvioulsly has issues that have NOTHING to do with you, nothing. I hope you know that, sperm doesn't make a guy a dad...you know that too I am sure.
I would like to say my dad stinks to make you feel better but he doesn't...he is the greatest, not perfect, but the best one could hope for...I would have chosen him if I got to choose...mother on the other hand...very different story..
I guess my point is we don't get to choose, you have nothing to be ashamed of or sorry about, you did your part, you reconnected, it just didn't turn out very well...
You gotta let it go, it sounds to me like he was never a dad, jsut a sperm donor, give him up, he doesn't desreve you, or your kids and they don't need to be exposed to that kind of crap, if it hard for to write him off for yourself, do it for your kids..good luck to you, sorry life isn't always great, but you can change it all, you got kids and you are doing better by them....god bless all of you.
2006-12-18 09:20:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My dad was always mentally and physically abusive. He threatened to slit my mom's throat while holding a knife in his hand. He also threatened to shoot my brother while he was holding his gun. We left him 9 yrs ago and I tried to have a relationship with him, but he did nothing but put me and my family down. I have not spoke to him in 3 yrs now and I am not upset about this. My life is going good and I am happy rather he is in it or not. He was never really there when I was growing up, even though he lived with us. I am fixing to get married and planning a family, and he has no clue. I could go on for hours about all the stuff he did to me, but I don't have that much space. Have a Merry Christmas!
2006-12-19 04:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by la_southern_femme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound very hurt by this, and despite what you say, it obviously matters a lot to you. Why don't you write to him explaining that you had only been joking and you're sorry he took it the wrong way. Also that you'd like to be friends. If he dosn't reply then at least you know you tried.
2006-12-18 12:33:15 · answer #4 · answered by xyz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey i know just how you feel my dad is about the worst he and my mom divorced when i was a senior in high school he remarried a B***H from H*** and me and my ex had split and i needed to stay with them( this is now 3 yrs later) she made a list that i was to do everyday gave me a curfew of 11p.m. i was 21yrs old i had never in my life ever thought i would have a of this plus to deal with work trying to find a place of my own she was just jealous of me so now i live about 1 mile or less from them they do ever come see me(i have lived here for 2 yrs) they don`t call just because she don`t like me when i do see them she acts like she trays to be my friend but she`s not a good actor
so hang in there if you have all you need right there with you and it is his lost good luck and happy holidays
2006-12-18 09:25:40 · answer #5 · answered by missi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love my dad, and 99% of the time he's the best ever. However two incidents spoil it all. When I was a teenager he read my diary, 2, because he was angry with me over something he called me a b;tch. I would never have expected that from my own father. Still, years have passed since and now I think he's the best.
2006-12-18 09:12:42 · answer #6 · answered by lianhua 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You had 33 years of no Dad, you have come through it and made your own happy family. I'm sorry he's let you down but if he's that abusive etc after one jokey comment then maybe its better he's out of your life.
I'm sorry he wasn't the Dad you'd been hoping for, some people are just nothing but let downs.
happy chrimbo xx
2006-12-18 09:10:43 · answer #7 · answered by keeley 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I respected and loved my Dad very much. I'm sorry about yours. Just let it go, two wrongs don't make a right. Just try to make the best of a bad situation, if you can.
2006-12-18 09:09:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
my dad is brilliant i love him to bits,i'm sure your dad can't be all that bad you must have really hurt his feeling for him to behave like that.it makes me made when people make jokes like that and don't think before they speak to consider the consequences of the effect it will have on other people! you only have yourself to blame for the situation you are in no one else.
2006-12-18 09:19:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
my dad didn't come to my wedding no card or ote, tried to say it was because my younger brother was coming but i have now been told they have been fishing together with my oldest brother, some thing i will never forgive or forget
2006-12-18 09:15:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋