Ok, this ? is for my sis-in-law. She is having a VERY SMALL wedding, and wants to write a note telling people that due to circumstances (budget, 2nd marriage) they are keeping the ceremony/reception very small. So should she send this out ahead of time, which is her inclination, or afterwards?
2006-12-18 08:58:14 · 24 answers · asked by reddevilbloodymary 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
OK, I hear you guys on the rude bit, but people will know all about it and be wondering why they weren't invited, isn't it better for them to receive a heartfelt note explaining it than to just be ignored?
2006-12-18 09:02:29 · update #1
Definitely before.
After all, this is only a wedding ANNOUNCEMENT - not an invitation. If she feels inclined, she can let people know it's going to be an "intimate" wedding with only a few people.
The other thing she can do is have a party afterwards, make it a pot luck even, so people can celebrate with her.
2006-12-18 08:59:51 · answer #1 · answered by MALicious 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
OK, technically, an announcement should be sent before, BUT, sooo many people don't really know what an announcement actually is. They will see it as an invitation TO the wedding, not an announcement OF the wedding. She will end up with many many uninvited showing up, which is awkward for all. Send them out a day or so after the wedding, and phrase it:
John Smith and Jane Jones were united in marriage on June 10, 2007 at "Whatever Place." Blah Blah Blah
You should definitely not explain any financial (or other) reasons that they were not invited to the wedding. No explanation is needed, and people shouldn't ask her anyway.
2006-12-18 18:14:45 · answer #2 · answered by MelB 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The people who are being invited would get notices BEFORE the wedding. Let it spread by word of mouth that things will be small.
For the people who aren't invited, send the announcement on the day of the wedding, or the day after.
See, this avoids a very bad situation. Let's say that one of the non-invitees got an announcment and got confused and thought she was invited. So she shows up to the chapel and is turned away because she wasn't really invited. No matter how clearly the announcement is written, some people WILL misunderstand if they receive it before the wedding.
2006-12-18 20:58:15 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
AFTERWARDS. If she sends it before, people will be confused if it is an invitation or not, and they will be hurt that they weren't invited. Also, announcements are traditionally for announcing the accomplished fact, not the intended plan.
This sort of thing is really more the duty of the maid of honor/best man / family, like telling people where the couple is registered. Have the others spread the word (via email is always good): "Oh, and did you hear that Susie and John are getting married in April? It's going to be a really small family affair, since they're on a tight budget and all, but I knew you'd be interested in the details..."
2006-12-18 17:03:54 · answer #4 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People can be so selfish. Not your sis-in-law, but the guests. They don't realize that the wedding IS NOT all about them. I'm getting married too and some people won't be coming because we simply cannot afford it. The wedding is not about the guests; it's about the bride and groom but some people can't seem to understand that.
I don't see anything wrong with her sending notes. I would rather get a note in advance, knowing that she thought about me but due to her budget I could not be included instead of just not getting an invitation.
2006-12-22 17:01:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she should send a wedding announcement with a photo after the wedding. Im afraid that if she does it before, it will look as if these people were not important enough to be invited. This way at least they know that the wedding already happened, and may not be offended that they were not invited.
2006-12-18 17:11:23 · answer #6 · answered by gobengal1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Actually, etiquette is that you send out annoucements so that they arrive the day of, or within days of the wedding. Now, I understand that some people will know ahead of time that you didn't invite them and while rules of etiquette state that it would be rude to send an "uninvitation" rules are meant as a guide, not a set must-do list.
My cousin had a similar situation. For her wedding, they sent out cards that matched the invitation, but instead of an invitation, it had a fun poem that basically said: We're getting married but for financial reasons, we can't afford a big wedding. We are sorry that we can't invite everyone, but we hope your prayers will be with us as we join ourlives in marriage. We look forward to being able to spend time with you soon.
That is one way to do it - another way is to just call those who you can't invite and talk to them in person. Make plans to see them for a dinner date within the weeks after the wedding, etc.
2006-12-18 19:07:06 · answer #7 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she should do it at all. Announcements are formal and generally go with a big shindig. It's her wedding, not an obligation to the rest of the world. Whether or not she is married is a detail that matters to her and the guy first.
Why not just forego the whole thing, have her small, intimate wedding and break it to everyone naturally in conversation, with a smile and a "We kept it cozy and cheap" joke? If she absolutely wants to announce, I'd say after, with a card or such saying "We decided to get married!" or something very light and casual.
2006-12-18 17:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by Alex G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say after, that way if there is any fallback from it then it won't wreck her wedding. Family fights are a sure way to make your wedding day not as exciting.
After the wedding choose the best photo and either email or send as a postcard to everyone telling them that you were thinking of them and would love to get together to show off the photos etc.
You could also get a small website up and load everything in that (photos, video (if any), speeches, order of service etc)
If anybody stirs up trouble just be firm and tell them that it is your (her) wedding and this is what we wanted.
Good luck and congrats
2006-12-18 17:07:29 · answer #9 · answered by Katie G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same situation.
I sent out announcement at the same time as my invites. I did not explain to those who weren't invited why they weren't, as it isn't important and they have no right to ask. If it ever comes up, I just say I had a small dinner with family only. Although, I have only had one moron ask me about it.
Just send an announcement that says something like
The Bride
and
The Groom
are pleased to announce their marriage
at Whatever Church
on Whatever Date.
Keep it simple. No explanations necessary. It's your wedding, and you can do what you want to.
2006-12-18 17:01:23 · answer #10 · answered by nottashygirl 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋