My mother's think I'm a whore!?

Question

My mother-in-law and my birth mother were both still adjusting to the fact that i decided to get married at the age of 19 at the Justice of the Peace (instead of having a big wedding like my sister) they could believe that I really loved my husband and was ready to settle down. Slowly though they got use to the idea or atleast stop complaining now I find out that I'm pregnant. They think that it's the reason why I had to get married now and it's just not! I had no idea what do i do?

Answer 1

When's the baby due? Can't they count to 9.

Answer 2

Does your husband love you and you love him? If so, quit worrying about what your parents think - they will think what they want regardless of how you try to persuade them differently. Just make your life with your husband and child. Be as nice to your parents and in-laws as you can be under the circumstances, but take no BS off them. It sounds like to me that you know what you want and are going for it. You don't have to have a big fancy wedding to be in love, and you have done the honorable thing by getting married - I just wish we had more young people like you - ones that could make their minds up and take responsibility for their decisions. God bless you. Be proud of the new child and don't let anyone get you down over it. Just say your peace, and let the chips fall where they may. You may not have been ready for a pregnancy, but at least you have accepted the fact and are dealing with it. Good luck!

Answer 3

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Answer 4

If you are really in love it's not what your parents think right now this is your life. You have a husband now and both of you are about to parents. You just except the fact that you told them the truth and your happy and in love.

Answer 5

Honey, I am sorry for the pain and hurt you are feeling right now. I know how horrid it is to have people you love deeply have a poor opinion of you, especially when it is not deserved.

Now, with that said, I don't know your background with your family. I don't know if you had gotten into the habit of lying while you were a teenager or not. All I can go by here is what you have written, and it is obvious you are deeply distressed by this event. However, it sounds like these folks have some reason to not be able to trust what you say, and have had a history of having to try to figure out what is really going on by your actions and not by what you say. I am not saying this is the case here, only that it apperas this way.

When we trust somebody we are able to have faith in what they say and not have to sort through details for the truth. When we don't trust somebody we just can't rely on what they say, and we are forced to look at events and cercumstances to determine what is true and what is not true. Usually when we have to do this it is very difficult to really know the truth. It is very frustrating and hurtfull to not be able to trust somebody we love. We want to trust those we love, but if the person broke trust with us it becomes very difficult to do so. It is very sad for all involved.

Now, what can you do? Well, I hate to say this, but there is nothing you can do to alter their perception of what occurred. You have already tried to tell them the truth, but they have rejected it. Now, all you can do is go on with your life and show them how happy you are and that you made the right decision. By living life honestly eventually your family will come to a place where they will be able to trust you once again. Trust is very fragile, it is easily broken and very diffiucult to get back. Think of what you would feel like if you discovered somebody you deeply trusted had been lying to you. You think about that for a moment.

Now, if somebody you trusted lied to you and you found out about it, especailly after you had been very trusting of everything they had said to you up to that point, you would feel devestated first and foremost, then you would feel angry, betrayed, and then you would begin to wonder what else this person lied to you about, it would put a huge question mark on the entire relationship. You would wonder how you could ever trust this person again.

Again, I am not saying this is your situation with these folks, just that by what you wrote it sounds like an issue of their lacking trust in what you say.

So, just go on with your life, learn from whatever, if any mistakes you may have made (if you don't think you ever made a mistake then you really do have a problem as we all make mistakes in life and are suppose to learn from them and grow from what we learn) and as you live your life a time will come that your loved ones will be able to trust you again. When that time comes, you can then bring this up agian, and tell them that you understand what made them not be able to believe you back then, but that you hope they are now able to believe you when you say you married out of love, before you found out you were pregnant. I bet you they will believe you when that time comes. In the meanwhile, just keep being honest, be happy in your life with your husband and child and enjoy life.

I don't think they believe you are a whore, that sounds awfully strong. They may have reason to think this though if you were sleeping around a lot before you got married, but somehow I don't think this is the case as some families can have very strong feelings regarding a marriage due to a pregnancy. Your family loves you and wants your happiness. When you have your child you will learn the full depth of love a parent feels for a child, and you will then understand a lot of things you don't understand right now. I don't mean to sound condencending, but it is difficult not to when somebody has not yet had a child of their own. The l ove a parent feels for a child is beyond the scope anybody could possibly understand who has never had a child to love. I know some people who actually believe, really believe they love their dogs as much as a parent loves a child. Crazy but true!! lol

Let this go for now dear, there is nothing else you can do. Try not to allow it to fester or make you bitter as that will take away your joy. The only person you have control over is yourself, nobody else, not your parents, your in-laws, your husband, or even your child when s/he is born. It may appear like you have control over your child when it is an infant or very young, but you will soon be disabused of that notion as the child grows, lol

Listen, enjoy the hollidays and your new family and just let this go. Have a great day and a Happy Holliday.

Answer 6

Who cares what people think?
You have a husband and a beautiful child on the way, life is too short to be worrying about little things like these.
Let them think what they want, you know the truth why you got married and had children, to be happy and bring another person into this world - Like everyone else does. Too bad they can't accept that.

Answer 7

You're married now. That means you have to think and act like a grownup.
You have the responsibility of a husband and child now. Don't worry about what other people think.
Listen if they give you advice, then make up your own mind.
Best wishes!

Answer 8

You'll have to wait for the calendar to prove you right and pray that the kid is not premature! In the end, what difference does it make? If you make a good home and love your child and provide for its current and future needs, in a bit nobody will care.

Tell your mothers that you love them, but you hope that they will focus on the positive things about you and your husband and your future together, not on the petty details.

Answer 9

Dont worry about the negative things that people say, even though it is your mother and your mother in law. Im sorry but they should be old enough, and mature enough by now to understand how the world works. You made the decisons to make you happy and that is all that matters. Let them think what they want. You know what your doing!

Answer 10

Parents have a funny way of judging their children. Maybe someone should tell both your mother and the mother-in-law that whores can't afford to get pregnant so fast. Only a woman who loves to have a family wants children. You are willing to take the challenge of parenthood and they should be proud of you rather than being to opinionated and cruel.

Answer 11

Tell them that they lived their lives and you are a grown woman so you did what you wanted to do...You are not the first and surely won't be the last...at least your husband married you and taking responsibility...They'll start to let go more b/c as time go by, they will understand.You will understand also how they feel once your children are born and you have to go through these things too...