my bf just came clean abt being abused by an older woman when he was a kid , and since then he has been evading me and finally he told me i love u but since i told u what happened i dont feel like i can look u in the face ? what do i do ?
2006-12-18 08:48:23 · 14 answers · asked by babyPalmtree 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tell him... I see you the same as I did before you told me - Just things happen it doesn't change the way I see you - AND tell him You are there for him - BUT don't you bring it up - and let him know you won't bring it up and that what happened happened. Do not make it a big deal - let him do that. He may think you see him as dirty and now he just wants to be clean
2006-12-18 08:52:19 · answer #1 · answered by woozeylucy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was "messed with" by an older girl when I was very young and I also have a very hard time showing my feelings or giving any affection. I'm not sure what you should do but I don't think you should give up on him. He might need to join a support group or something of that matter, as this type of abuse occurs much more often than people realize because it's kept secret by the male victims who feel that people will (and usually do) just laugh at them for it.
2006-12-18 08:53:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ease off. I was also an abused child and there is nothing worse than a loved one trying to "help" fix something they cannot. Emotional scars take time. Give him the space he needs and think about whether or not you have the patience to deal with it.
It took me years to finally let go of the pain and baggage that comes along with sexual abuse.
Think of it this way: You get raped, your husband wants to help you and make it go away so you can be happy.
Answer: See first paragraph - He will get there in his own time
The only other thing you can do is ask him to go to a professional for help without nagging. Suggest it taking care not to make him sound like a victim.
2006-12-18 09:02:37 · answer #3 · answered by tien_kou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the abuse that he suffered was not his fault. He was a kid and is not responsible for what this woman did. Perhaps some counseling will help. I too was abused and have dealt with it in finally realizing it was not my fault. Although I did not go to therapy for it, once I got through the anger and vengeful feelilngs, I realized the man was sick and now I only feel sympathy for him. I too dont tell many people because it does feel shameful. Just explain to him that to tell you this shows his deep love for you and that he is hurting and had to tell someone. Be supportive and if he needs it, have him get help.
2006-12-18 08:55:13 · answer #4 · answered by sweetlaughter434 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't experience ashamed. You informed him because you got here upon someone you felt gentle sharing it with. If he loves and cares for you he will be there for you and love you even more beneficial. keep in ideas, if he stops loving you the same...it truly is his difficulty no longer yours. He ought to do it, because he feels so undesirable and doesn't recognize what to assert or the thanks to administration it...and if he's that susceptible then you actually do not favor him...yet you probably did not do some thing incorrect. It develop into completely universal.
2016-11-27 02:43:59 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the past is the past and cannot be changed or controlled, that you appreciate his sharing that he had that experience with you and that you don't feel any differently about him.
Tell him that you care about him and that all the things that have happened in his life are what have made him into the person he is now, the person that you love. That you accept him entirely and don't judge him or think worse of him for it.
Then drop it and never mention it again if he doesn't bring it up.
2006-12-18 08:55:06 · answer #6 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know you are there for him and are not going to run away. Tell him he doesn't need to be ashamed of what he went through and when he is ready your door is open. Tell him you will never know how it fealt then but you understand his pain and understand how hard it was for him to tell you this. Tell him to take his time, but he will never have to be embarassed of his past with you.
He basicly just stood there completely naked in front of you...bearing ALL of his soul and your reaction may have freaked him out of just the fact that he was able to open up like that to you could have scared him. You need to make sure he knows that none of this makes you think he is less of a man and you appretiate his willingness to bear his soul to you. Also make sure he knows that you are not going to take advantage of him in his "naked" state.
If he is in theripy then good if not he needs to be. This is something that needs to be tended to. If this is the first time he is openly facing his demons then he needs to get intouch with himself and learn that not all women are monsters like that.
2006-12-18 08:55:26 · answer #7 · answered by xxkittenluvxx143 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that understand that it was hard for him to confess that to you and that you appreciate that fact that he was so open. If he needs a little space and time to "re-coupe" then let him be. Sometimes guys just need a little time and reassurance. Tell him again that you love him and that you want to help him deal with it. Even if its just listening to him or even just being there.
2006-12-18 08:53:00 · answer #8 · answered by Jess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First give him credit for thinking enough of you to tell you one of his most private of secrets...it says volumes of you and your role in his life. It sound like it may do BOTH of you some good to get past this in the form of Counseling and or Support groups. Good luck, i know its going to be difficult.
2006-12-18 08:53:45 · answer #9 · answered by James J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help him out, he needs you. Be a good gf and a good friend too, thats what is best now. Let him know you REALLY love him and care.
2006-12-18 08:52:01 · answer #10 · answered by chit chat girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋