how do i deal with my mother-in-law & my husband's ex?

Question

they're in cahoots! his mom gives his ex our home phone number, our cell phone numbers, brings her to our house & family functions. the ex used to call & harass both of us constantly when we first got together, then switched to being all 'buddy-buddy' with me. i've had to change my number twice now. they're both lying b*tches that seem to have it out for us & have tried to convince me that he's cheating on me (flat out lies, proven to be so). he does have kids with his ex, but they are going to be adopted by their foster family. my husband says he still has to talk to his ex about the kids, but i just don't get why. she called my new cell phone number less than an hour after our wedding. after everything that she's said & tried to do, i just wish he'd completely cut her out of his life. i know i kinda rambled, got any general advice about the situation?

btw--we've been married exactly 2 days now. and his mother has gotten quite an earfull from him concerning her bringing the ex to my house & giving out my phone numbers. but his mom's a drunk & won't listen

the oldest was taken away from them when they were together & had a big fight (she attacked him). he left because of that, and 8 months later the second was born & they took it away from her in the hospital. we were trying to get the children, but the system has been giving us the run around for a year now. now they say we don't have any longer to try & the kids are getting adopted out whether we do anything or not.

Answer 1

Gee....
what a mess. In regards to the mother-in-law, I would say that there is probably not much to do to change her. I should know
....been there myself. Your husband is probably not much help
with her either. She sounds very manipulative and like she is going to do what she wants to do. It is apparent that she refuses to let him grow up and live his own life because she is right in the
middle of it! She was probably the same way with the ex until you came along and then she set her sights on you because you are the one married to him. Wish that there was some 'fix'
for this but there isn't.
I have never had any experiences with an ex so I can't help you there. I am concerned however about the children that are caught up in the middle of this mess. Why are they in foster care?? And why don't you and your husband step up and provide a home for his kids? They are the ones that are truly suffering here if neither one of their parents want them.

Answer 2

What he does with his kids on his parenting time is his business and that includes deferring any of that time to the kids' grandparents. If he had the kids on the weekend and had to work, he could have a babysitter watch them and that is none of your business. So what you are saying is you want to still control your husband by dictating what he does on his parenting time or lack thereof? You will use punishing your kids by taking time away from their grandparents to prove your point??? That is his choice whether or not he wants to attend his kid's kindergarten graduation. You are not his keeper. The court does not look fondly on mothers who make trivial complaints like the one you are about presents and kindergarten graduations (some people do work, you know, and can't take the time off). Yeah, he sounds like a very deadbeat father. But so what? You can't make him buy gifts or attend school functions so get over it! PS Do you have a boyfriend? May be time to look into getting something to occupy your time.

Answer 3

your man married you, men usually move on to look for peace in their lives, he obviously has said his mind to his mum and no ,drunks dont listen. Make a plan with your husband, when they ring ask many many questions of their lives, say your husband is busy or not at home but you be pleased to give advice that is needed re the children (always have the childrens best interest at heart when doing this though as they are innocent) the ex is hanging on and jealous, and I feel she is in your mother in laws ear all the time. Men feel like they are the meat in the sandwich, you can have some fun with this, just dont be angry or your husband may think your as bad as his ex on reacting to things. Rise above their mentality. When they come over have the plan in action, that your going out get dressed and just go for a drive. As far as the children going into foster care I think you need to find out more from your hubby though.

Answer 4

Well, as he no longer takes responsibility for his kids, the best thing to do would be to move far far away. The more you complain about them, the worse YOU look, especially if the ex is trying to be 'buddy-buddy' in public. A mother who tells you her son is cheating on you? And he still doesn't think there's anything wrong? It might be best to change your numbers again and not share them with his mom.

Answer 5

i am a little concerned why the children are in foster care! but if that is so then there really isn't anything for him to talk to her about, unless they are trying to get them back... but the mother-in-law, well me being me i would confront her. there is no reason for her give out your number. if she keeps doing it i would make it be known that you have had your number changed and she will not have it. i know that may come off alittle rude but she just might have it out for you.

Answer 6

What you need to do is tell your husband to get a grip on his life. HE needs to talk to his mother. HE needs to talk to his ex-wife. That is for HIM to do, and if HE doesn't, there will be no resolution to these problems. Not to be mean, but you signed on for some of this when you agreed to become the new wife. I assume you knew of his mother and ex-wife before you married, so you had to see at least some of this coming.

Answer 7

Maybe you need to check your husband. If the kids aren't with either one of their parents, what do they have to to talk about. C'mon, you just said the kids are being adopted by their foster parents. The person who needs to put a stop to it, doesn't seem to have a problem with it; your husband.

Answer 8

Wow, if you don't like this drama...get a quickie divorce. This situation will not get better. Why? Because it's really your husband who is fueling it (if he's not stopping it, he's fueling it! think about it) Some insecure men LOVE to have women just fighting and bickering, with them being the axis of the arguement, but not IN the arguement.

You need to get yourself out of this situation, otherwise, deal with it.

Answer 9

Only your spouse can put a stop to this. He needs to tell his mother to get over the ex, or don't come around. If he doesn't have the cahones, then perhaps he's not the right guy.

Answer 10

The only way he can not appeal is if his parental rights were terminated in court. Verify that this has indeed happened if you want the kids. Otherwise, he has the right to fight for them.