how do i deal with racist parents?

Question

i have 2 mixed kids, and i like black guys or white or asian or whatever. i don't discriminate. but my parents are racist. they want me to tell my kids that they are native american instead of black and my momma finds every reason she can to sway me from dating who i want. how can i tell them that i am my own person, and i can't help who i like?

Answer 1

Thats a tough one. I am a back guy who dates outside my race and it has been a few times that I have met parents who were more or less racist or had a certain stereo type of black men in their head.

My experiances have been good for several reasons. The first is that I'm not "hood" and that's what people who aren't around a lot of black people think we all are. Second, I am can carry pretty intelligent conversations. Finally, I have ambition and have an "idea" of how to get what I want.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect and I am not trying give you my stats or nothing. What I am saying is that some of the people the girls brought home before me just fit a lot of stereo types that people have of black men. Also, you gotta ask yourself are you bringing home losers? It doesn't matter the color of a man, losers come in all shades.

When it comes down to it, who you like is who you like. Go for the best no matter what color they are. Make sure your kids are proud of their race and don't let your mom make you tell your kids they are native american.

Take me home to mom and dad, I will set the record straight for you ;)

Answer 2

I'm sure it will be hard to do but the best thing would be to inform them, bluntly if needed, that you are a grown person who can make their own choices. They have no say in the matter and that's how it is and there's nothing they can do about it.

Or, if you're less confrontational, you could do to them what they do to you. Find something about how they live and remind them over and over that you don't think they should live like that. I'm sure they'll get upset with your behavior eventually which is when you can subtly point out that it's the exact thing they've been doing to you.

The first option is probably the best choice though. You want them to treat you as an adult so you should show them the same courtesy and talk to them about it as an adult.

Answer 3

mixed kids are beautiful. It will be hard enough with other kids than have the people who are supposed to see them as beautiful not like where they came from. As a mixed kid myself - I hope that the melting pot is a lot more colorful for kids - and acceptance is better.

Your parents just don't know any better... and they think being black may hurt them... they just don't know... this may take time and patience. They are going to hurt the kids phsycologically and may make them insecure in their future. When they get old enough you may have to just explain to the kids their grandparents ways are the old ways and people don't think that way anymore - and the kids may tell their grandparents what they are saying is hurtful. I really don't know but I do know most of us grew up with it when we were younger - but we learned from it also.

Answer 4

Been there done that and you can say it until your blue in the face but fact is i think mixed children are a blessing because sometimes that brings a family closer together and change their racist behavior because of their grand kids and on the other hand you got these people no matter what happens their gonna be that way until Jesus comes.

Answer 5

Tell them straight out how you feel about it. They are your parents and should understand where you're coming from, even if they don't agree. Tell them you can't be closed minded and you can't make yourself like one race and you won't lie to your kids. Ask them to at least respect who your with, wether they want to accept it or not. It might not happen right away, but I'm sure they will realize what they are doing is wrong and come through. Just be patient with them, and respect them. Ultimately, happiness will come to you and this other person from you two, not from your parents so keep doing what you're doing. Good will come out of it

Answer 6

You must come to realize, your parents aren't always right. Although they might want what they THINK is best for you, sometimes it's not. It is part of growing up, becoming your own person with your own beliefs, ethics, and life. Now you are the parent, so you must think what is best for them. You can first try to let them know how you feel about racisim, if they don't obliege, Enforce them by reminding them you just want whats best for your children. If that does not work, well try to educate them about racisim or maybe even family counseling.

Answer 7

If you live with your parents, then move. IF they keep saying things like that limit you children's visitation. Monitor the times they visit, and maybe your parents will get the picture. If they don't you may have to take more drastic measures and stop the kids from being around them period.

Answer 8

They have deep seeded reasons for preserving their dwindling heritage. They might not be rascist, they probably like other races just fine, it's just that they would like to see you preserve the Native American way of life as much as possible.

Is that unreasonable? Maybe. Racist? I don't think so.

Answer 9

Wow. All I can tell you is to do your own thing. You are the parent, not YOUR parents. You have every right to tell your children the truth. My parents are also old-fashioned enough to be a bit racist. But you just have to ignore it and do what you know is right.

Answer 10

You may have to cut them off. Sounds harsh, but if they can't see past colour, then they need a hard lesson from you. Deny them access to your children, tell them honestly, that it is not about race and it never was. They will either come around to your way of thinking, or they will choose to stay blind.