xmas jokes?

Question

1 what do you get if you cross a xmas savory treat with the FBI
A.1 mince spies

2 if peter string fellow opened a new club in the north pole it would be called lap land

3. us men can write our names in the snow :) but lady's cnt ..... well unles there name is woosh.

4. what do u call a cat in a red and white suit ?
A.4 santa paws

Answer 1

ALL GREAT
I LOVE THEM

Answer 2

I thought it was hillarious!!
Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245


Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996

Dear Santa:

Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:


Santa:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new ***** for next Christmas.

It's that simple.

Yours truly,
Barbie

Answer 3

No. 3 is a bit sexist! Overall kinda funny but lame!

Answer 4

Pretty Kool. i like 1 and 4 best.

Answer 5

Little boy is driving his motorbike down the line and forestalls on the intersection. A cop on a horse rides up next to him looks down and says "Wow, it particularly is an exceedingly advantageous motorbike did Santa deliver you that for Christmas?". Little boy proud as ought to be looks up and says "he specific did". Cop leans down and delivers the boy a cost tag and says "properly next year tell Santa to place some reflectors on that motorbike". Boy looks on the cost tag then looks up on the cop and says "did Santa deliver you that horse for Christmas? ". Cop looks down with a arrogant grin on his face and replys "he specific did". The boy looks up on the cop and says "properly next year tell him the dic is going on the backside no longer on good".

Answer 6

number 3 is very sexist! i only found number 4 cute, none were funny. sorry, i won't lie to you.

Answer 7

Keep trying, not so funny.

Answer 8

dunno?!