He said he was going to be responsible with his baby. He used to call me once a week just to now if i was doing ok and if i needed anything. Every time he called i tried not to cry but i could not control my emotions. After being pregnant for two months, last week, i had a miscarriage. I felt so lonely at the hospital where my best friend was waiting for me. I didn't call him to let him know 'cause i thouth it was not fair for me going through all that while he probably was going to get happy if i lost my baby. He called me last friday but i couldn't answer the phone i was crying too much. I left him a voicemail after and i told him that i had lost the baby and i was calling him just to let him know. I tried to act like if i didn't care bc i don't want him to see me cry anymore. I told him that if he wanted to know how it happened to call me back and if not then, oh well... He hasn't call me back. Why do u think he hasn't called?
2006-12-18 07:59:36 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Honestly? And this will hurt. He is probably relieved. I was in the SAME exact predicament you are in. He was happy to have it over with and happy that he wasnt stuck where he didnt want to be.
Sad, but it happens. Right now, just love yourself. You need it. You are important.
2006-12-18 08:02:24 · answer #1 · answered by Chrissie 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's really hard to know how someone feels that isn't in that particular situation not to mention that although you've given some information it is all from your perspective. Not knowing him, or you for that matter, makes it difficult for anyone to accurately relate to this.
However, because he called weekly we can assume that he was attempting to be part of your childs life and wasn't necessarily running from it. Your narrative doesn't say whether you called to let him know that you were having a miscarriage. It says you didn't call him afterward because you felt it was unfair for you to be going through that while he was probably happy that you lost your child. I can't imagine that anyone would be happy that you lost your baby and if he did not know then it would unfair to incinuate that he was happy about it. If you did let him know that something was wrong perhaps there were other circumstances around the situation.
After reading your entry a couple of times I get the feeling that you are upset about a variety of issues but you are most upset that he hasn't continued to communicate with you after the loss of your child.
Try to look at it from this perspective: His relationship with you is over. It was over when he broke up with you. He continued to have a relationship with due to the child you conceived together. Now that the child is no longer a binding element there is no reason for him to continue any relationship with you since he broke it some time ago. It sounds mean but you must understand his perspective.
I am not trying to demean men by saying this but men do not respond the same as women in emotional situations. I am not saying that they don't feel the same emotions but rather that their reactions are different. Where you feel abandoned by him for not continuing the emotional support, he may feel that there is no longer a need for his involvement because his inital obligation to the situation wasn't to you but to the child.
I hope that you don't let this hinder your ability to heal. Try to get some counseling or help dealing with this loss and with the effects that it is having on you emotionally. Don't dwell on him and his reasoning or actions. Deal with your own life and learn how to move forward.
I hope this helps.
2006-12-18 08:32:50 · answer #2 · answered by catullus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He hasn't called maybe because it scared him when he heard you were pregnant even though he said he would be responsible. When you told him you lost the baby he was probably relieved to no end and hasn't called you back because he doesn't want it to happen again. More than likely he is with another person and doesn't want to be intimate with you anymore. He doesn't care how it happened because he is just relieved it did happen since he could have been held partly responsible. If I were you I would forget him and move on and be sure not to let such a thing happen again outside of marriage. Remember, if the baby had lived your responsibility would have been to the welfare of the child and everything else would havwe to take a backseat including your future.
2006-12-18 08:06:30 · answer #3 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's really no way to be sure but i think that he made a very good effort to be there for you since he was trying to call and see how you were doing. Trust me all guys don't call even after you have their child and his wasn't even born yet. There is a chance that he may feel bad about it and maybe he is not sure about what to say to you because he feels that you are hurt about the situation. Give it some time maybe he'll come around and if he doesn't he wasn't the guy for you in the first place. Trust me the right guy is out there and when you find him you'll know it.
2006-12-18 08:07:45 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you lost your baby, but this guy had already started to let you know by his actions that he was not going to do anything for you and the baby. Hope this tells you something. He is not worth a plug nickel. I do not know how old you are, but he sounds like he is young and not mature, he does not need to be a father. Since he use to call you, to see how you were doing, I am only assuming that you still live at home. If so, get on birth control , you might be to young to be getting pregnant. If you get pregnant again, be sure the father is mature enough to help you take care of it or do not do it.
2006-12-18 13:07:33 · answer #5 · answered by m c 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, let me say that I'm sorry for the loss of your baby.
But it sounds like he hasn't called you back because he's a jerk. I mean, I know you guys are broken up but he WAS involved in making that baby, the least he could have done was call you back to make sure you're okay or needed anything. I know that's what you're thinking. You still care for him and want him to return the feelings and comfort you.
Maybe he doesn't know what to say to you and doesn't want to mix emotions with you over the devastating loss of your guys baby, because he truly still wants it to be over with you guys and that would just make things more tricky.
2006-12-18 08:05:33 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, he probably hasn't called back because he don't know what to say or how to say it. When you aren't in a committed relationship with someone anymore, it is hard to know what to say to them when something as sad as the passing of a child occurs. Since you didn't go through the pregnancy together it is hard for him to understand the reality of the situation. Sometimes for guys who are no longer part of the relationship a child isn't really real until they are here. He is probably as confused and hurt as you are, he just don't know how to express it. Good luck!!
2006-12-18 08:08:49 · answer #7 · answered by Pandora 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i just want to let you know that i went through the same things awhile ago, it hard going through it. but you know what i broke up with my boyfriend at the time too and have rough time through it but deep down the guys wont say to you that they are happy you lost the baby, the baby is part of them too you know and he most likely hurt big time and some guys will cry too, thinkin about things about it. he most likely will call you just give it time when he feel better he hurting much as you even you dont think they will. some guys dont like to talk or say how they feel right away and stuff just like their best friend or someone close so dont think he dont care you never know. keep your chin up... it just not meant to be for the baby right for who knows for what reason....
2006-12-18 08:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are only two reasons why. Either is over it or because he knows how you feel and dosent want to cause you anymore pain.
Either way you should call him again and tell him how you felt about him and the situation. And tell him you sound like you didn't care because you didn't want him to feel guilt or responsible and you did it because you weren't thinking clearly at all and it was mean and thoughtless because you were overwrought with emotions... And appologize.
2006-12-18 08:07:22 · answer #9 · answered by darrellkern 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who the hell knows...
What I do know is that your relationship is over, and your pregnancy was misfortunate because it just kept the link alive. Now that the baby is gone (and I'm sorry about that), it's time to move on. It'll be tough for a month or two, but soon you'll get used to it. Time heals everything.
Remember, you and him are FINISHED. Keep repeating that to yourself.
Good luck. Break-ups are hard... break-ups with miscarriages are even harder. Stay strong.
2006-12-18 08:03:24 · answer #10 · answered by Sep S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋