Funny things kids say..?

Question

Ok, I know this has been asked before, but my 4 1/2 yr old son asked us out of the blue this weekend: "Is God invisible?" To which I naturally answered "Yes". The straightback question was: "Then how does he carry things?" Made my month. What's your favourite from the kids?

Answer 1

My niece is 2, and was asking for a chocolate bar. She picked one, then took a look at my chocolate bar and said 'Wow! You've got a big one!'

I worked very hard to suppress my giggles.

Answer 2

Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245


Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996

Dear Santa:

Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:


Santa:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to
cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet,
a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line.
If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new ***** for next Christmas.

It's that simple.

Yours truly,
Barbie

Answer 3

We live in a multi cultural area and a few years ago one of my neighbours was telling her child not to sing outside as people were sleeping, I thought this odd especially as it was late afternoon, later I discovered " mistletoe and wine" was her song of the moment and the poor child could not pronounce her "Ls" she sounded them "W" so LOGS on the fire, was not allowed to be sung outside

Answer 4

I caught my six year old son lying to his mother. I explained what a lie is and told him that if he did it again I would make him eat soap. My three year old daughter was standing beside my wife's chair and upon hearing the threat she said, "I'll get the soap!!" and happily headed to the bathroom.

I was laughing so hard I couldn't see through the tears and my stomach hurt.

Answer 5

i got cut off in the mall parking lot and said a few choice words "you f@$#*g moron where did you get your d@#n license are you F!@##$g blind" forgetting my 3 year old daughter was in the back seat. after i relized this a second after i said it i turned around and thankfully she was still fast asleep . so as i was pushing her through a store in the mall my mother inlaw just happened to be there so she bumped my cart with hers to get her grandaughters attention. guess what came out of her mouth clearer than i could say it myself?

Answer 6

Me and my mum and sister took my nephew, then aged 3 to the childrens' church service on Christmas Eve last year. Right in the middle of a prayer he wailed at the top of his voice "I need a pooooo!"


Also, after dinner he did a giant burp. My sister said "Jack, what do you say when you burp?" and he said "eeeerrrrrp!"


Finally, I took him upstairs to use the loo, and he said to me "Auntie Lizzy, do you have a winky?" and I said "No, because I am a girl" and he replied "Oh, so you have an udder like a cow then!"

Answer 7

my mates little boy kieran is 2 years old.
he went into the kitchen one afternoon and we heard him moving a chair and being very quiet so we went to see what he was doing.
he was stood at the sink pouring a whole bottle of fabric conditionare dont the drain.
then he turned round and put the bottle down. my friend picked it up and asked him why it wasnt full.
"daddy did it!" came the reply and he pointed out the kitchen window.
kierans dad doesnt live there and he hadnt been round for 4 days...
i was in stitches!

Answer 8

My mum, at age 5 was taken by her new stepfather to a little sandwich shop. When asked what she wanted she told the service woman "Ham and cheese, and put some meat on it!"
Charles "That Cheeky Lad"

Answer 9

i was askin my niece if she knew how the car started (shes obsessed with them) and she said daddy just hits it and says useless piece of shite and it goes
this was in the middle of town on a packed day from a 3 year old

Answer 10

I was walking up to Best Buy with my 4 year old niece and my grandmother, and we noticed a couple of pigeons on the sign standing nose to nose. I told my niece "Look! Those birds are talking!" and she just turned to me and said "Looks like their just poopin' to me!"

Answer 11

My youngest grandson has trouble with "tr" sounds and says "f" instead.....pity he has a fascination with trucks....out shopping and he sees one, look, a big $%#@ just went by....and he has quite a loud voice...