What's up out there?
I need advice. I've been married for a LONG time to the love of my life regardless of what she thinks. I don't know what to do anymore to make this girl happy. When I met her she was always smiling, beautiful, and charming. To be honest I just wanted sex and friendship but also started having feelings for her. She told me she couldn't have sex unless we were together and had a fit so I asked her to be my girlfriend. I was very honest and told her I didn't want to get married (to anyone, not just her) or have kids. She kept on and on and I love her so much I gave her what she wanted. Now she's sad all the time and never secure of my love no matter what I do. She trips out if she finds porn and compares herself to other females and thinks the worst of herself. We have a daughter and she's a good kid. I play with her and you know-I love them. But they are such a handful! If it's not my daughter begging me to play with her, it's my wife. All I want to do is SKATE!
2006-12-18 07:20:41 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Welcome to adulthood. Don't even consider running away from your life and family. The only thing you will do is cause heartbreaks and pain for those who you love. That's especially not fair to your little girl.
2006-12-18 07:28:10 · answer #1 · answered by Ritz Grimarren 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to have a LONG talk with your wife and let her know how you are feeling... Maybe she will let you know her true feelings and you two can understand each other better? If now then if you just trudge along at this rate you will have just created a lot more unhappy days in both of your lives. The true SECRET to a happy relationship is COMMUNICATION. Without it you only have sex and all the fights and bull@#$t inbetween those short moments of false happiness. Ask her how she's feeling and ACTUALLY care and I'm sure you will see a huge difference quickly... Communication made it so that me and my girl now do all sorts of things together that we never did in the past... EX: Watch porn together, eat different foods, try new activities... and sexual things that most guys hide from their girls and are surprised to find that thier girls are a lot more open to things than they had thought.... I hope some of this helps. It has saved my relationship... Remember: COMMUNICATION!
2006-12-18 15:59:33 · answer #2 · answered by meh8036 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you want to make her happy so that's a start. Do you tell her how pretty she is or let her know that you appreciate the things she does. Or maybe if you see her cleaning or doing something for her thanking her. You don't have to do it all the time just occasionally. Maybe once a day find something you love about her and tell her. The whole porn thing i am sure she just wants you to be happy with just her and not have to look at the porn. Just a few ideas. Do you use you not wanting to get married against her now? If so she probably thinks you don't care about her or want to be with her still. Maybe something like i am so happy to have married you, I am the luckiest guy I know. I know when ever my hubby tells me that and means it , it makes me feel special. Its nice to hear every now and again.
2006-12-18 15:28:54 · answer #3 · answered by Lauren 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my world porn is the same as cheating. I would be mad at you too. Just like you said FOR BETTER OR WORSE! That is what that means, no matter how bad it gets the both of you promised to make it work one way or the other. Those are not just words that you say. It is a vow you make. That is the big deal behind marriage. So you are committed, you don't just say " Oh I don't think this is for me anymore" If you knew you didn't want this out of life and she did you should have loved her enough to let her go!
2006-12-18 15:34:46 · answer #4 · answered by Angel Lily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you both may be too immature to have a true bond. I would highly recommend marriage counseling. It is obvious that your wife has incredibly low self-esteem and possibly some other mental health issues, she should also seek individual therapy. If she is depressed and doesn't trust you than no matter what, you will be unable to make her truly happy, she can only do that for herself. Please, don't let your daughter get lost in the shuffle while you and your wife try to work out these issues. Don't be afraid to leave if you truly think your marriage is not working, No one will benefit if you stay and are unhappy. Good Luck.
2006-12-18 15:33:33 · answer #5 · answered by scoobiecore 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like u maybe u are being a bit selfish and narcissistic. I think this is one ur gonna have to suffer through and still skate. If she doesn't understand ur need to do ur thing along with having her and your daughter, then she needs some counseling or something. You have to have a healthy balance in life. You shouldn't have to give up one love(skating) for another love(your family). If she makes u do that then she is just as selfish as you are. If you can't find a middle ground, u are never gonna make it. You will always blame her and resent her for not letting you fulfill ur dreams. Ugh! Good luck!
2006-12-18 15:35:28 · answer #6 · answered by XXXDirtyDirtyGirlXXX 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am sorry to say this but you have responsiblities and I don't mean to bash you, but maybe your wife feels the way she does, because of how you treat her. I mean, you don't think she has forgotten that you only married her to "give her what she wanted" how is that supposed to make her feel. You have responsiblities now, so maybe you won't be able to SKATE but start to teach your child to, so it can still be part of your life. I think you made your bid now you need to lay in it.... Start talking iwth your wife and let her know that you love her... YOu need to start telling her things to help her not be self conscious... and get rid of the porn, com'on how old are you 17???? Take care of your family and try not to be so selfish....
2006-12-18 16:14:48 · answer #7 · answered by totallylovableandinlove 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First. You have made sacrifice to make the woman you love happy. But, you still have to be you. Set aside time to skate and do your thing. Spend time with her alone, and as a family with the kids. Sounds like she got herself into more than she wanted too. Kids are rough...I have 5! It is a constant balancing act. Find your grove.
2006-12-18 15:25:09 · answer #8 · answered by thisisithuh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you pursue her and have a kid if you weren't ready to settle down? Hopefully this is just a phase that you're going through. We've all second guessed decisions that we've made but now that you've mad your choice you have to step up to the plate and be a man. Just be thankful for what you have and remember why you fell in love with your wife in the first place.
2006-12-18 15:30:30 · answer #9 · answered by truly_insightful 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow up and play the role of husband and father. Fall into the expectation. You should find happiness in making the ones that are closest to you happy. You'll find out you have time to skate and be happy yourself in the long run.
Stop putting up the wall and give in.
2006-12-18 15:25:45 · answer #10 · answered by woozeylucy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sounds like one of our friends has a wife and a child but wants to skate right after work and play video games on the weekends...but dont forget they are our family..why dont you try to teach you daughter how to skate so thats your time to skate but also hangout with your daughter...and as for your wife why dont you try to spice it up a bit get a sitter and take her out to a nice dinner or some flowers...hope this help
2006-12-18 15:48:30 · answer #11 · answered by impala400sb 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋