When is breast-feeding inappropriate?

Question

My girlfriend and I have 6-month-old twin daughters who breast feed very frequently. At my family's Thanksgiving party, my girlfriend nursed both the girls basically in front of everyone all night. While it didn't seem like a problem then, my grandmother - who hosts the party every year - said it made my uncle uncomfortable and asked if my gf would go to a different room to nurse. I told my gf and she took offense, saying it is nothing to be ashamed of and would refuse to go to a different room. Now, she has told my mother she won't go to Christmas and my mother said she is being selfish and should respect others wishes. I can see both sides, but is someone right and someone wrong in this? There seems to be no good solution and it's put me in the middle of my family, my girlfriend, and my kids. It's ruining Christmas.

Answer 1

I don't understand this social stigma we have about breastfeeding! Men and women alike should get over it! It is considered inappropriate for a caring mother to feed her infant, but not inappropriate if a woman with fake double D boobs was wearing a suggestive top--breastfeeding is the best thing any mother could do for her baby! I would tell your gf that you support her, but some people are just too plain fussy and get her one of those shawls that you could get at Babies R Us to shut your uncle up.

Answer 2

It's quite simple.

It probably wasn't so much your uncle as your grandmother who was objecting and using your uncle as an excuse. Other women are very often jealous of a breast-feeding mother.

She's every right to feed in public. What she doesn't have a right to do is to complain if people look -- and they will. Especially the men, which makes the other women jealous. But if she doesn't mind her breasts being seen, fine.

The problem comes with the fact that this was in your grandmother's house. And your grandmother has a right to dictate what goes on in her house. You don't.

So make your excuses and don't go there at Christmas. Simply tell them that it's not convenient for you as the children are still being breast-fed. I'd leave the explanation at that, but if you're pushed on the subject simply say that it's just that you don't want to offend anyone, nor can you reasonably expect your gf to spend most of the time in a separate room so you've arranged something different this year.

Answer 3

In my opinion, your girlfriend is wrong. She was at someone elses house and should respect thier wishes. Was she covered up or did she just whip her boobies out for all to see? Use a blanket to cover the breasts while the babies feed. If she's not comfortable with that, then all she needs to do is go to a bedroom and feed the babies. Or you could host the event at your house and she could nurse any time and any where she wants, then when someone complains she can simply say if you don't like it, you can leave.

Answer 4

That's a hard one to answer.

On the one hand, breastfeeding is what is best for the babies, in a lot of ways. I absolutely support that.

I do also understand that some people are uncomfortable with it. I'm sad for them, but whatever. At least they're not banishing your girlfriend to the bathroom - in that case, I'd be one of the first in the protest at your grandmother's house. ;-)

Having said that though, we're also talking about twins. That means twice as many feedings, so essentially your girlfriend misses out on most of the gathering. I say to try to approach your mother, reminding her that nursing is physically and psychologically the best thing for the babies, and because it's so time-consuming and others are uncomfortable with it, perhaps it's best for everyone if you miss the holiday gathering this year.

(I hate when people pull that "can't you respect his wishes?" card. What about your wishes? Why can't your uncle respect your girlfriend's wishes to do the best thing for the babies? Tell your mother that your girlfriend isn't being selfish by not having Christmas dinner, that she IS respecting your uncle's wishes by staying out of sight.)

Answer 5

I agree that breastfeeding in public is not inappropriate, however, this is a matter in which involves a bit of compromise. Your gf was wrong for not respecting ur family's home and their wishes (even though it may have been thrown all out of proportion). Just speak with her and voice your opinions about how u feel, and let her know that it's not fair that u have to be put in such a position to choose b/w ur woman and ur family. She should understand that, after all she is basically ur wife and the mother of ur kids and if she doesnt get it then maybe she needs to rethink the whole idea of being in a unconditional, loving relationship.

Answer 6

I am very pro-breastfeeding---I even nurse my 25-month old child---but only when we are at home because nursing a toddler comes with it's own set of issues/reasoning to consider. But---In my daughter's first year of life I breastfed anywhere and everywhere but a public restroom.
In the first year of life milk is a baby's primary source of nutrition despite the fact that you may be starting your little ones on solids. During that time it should be understood that a mother's breasts are utilitarian in nature. Reasonable people should not be offended simply by the act of providing an infant sustanence. That said, the world is not perfect. In a perfect world there would be no issue. Your mother and uncle came from an era when breastfeeding was not the norm--they are in a different world from that of your girlfirend's and she should not be subjected to any unsupportive behavior--it is hard enough for her, believe me.

At this point in life your primary role is to be a father and to support your girlfriend as she breastfeeds your children. Breastfeeding is not easy, it takes a huge committment and you, as the father of your children need to put her needs first. Your children are absolutely getting the best nutrition/nurture that nature can provide. Your mother and Uncle are not important here. As a mother, frankly I find their behavior to be pretty darned selfish. Maybe you can start your own holiday traditions with your new family.

Congratulations! And remember--with breastfeeding twins, your girlfriend is probably not getting adequate sleep and her needs and the needs of her children are all she is capable of thinking about right now. Cut the poor woman some slack and give in. She wants to have a nice Xmas too.

Answer 7

Breastfeeding is never inappropriate. If breastfeeding moms had to leave the room every time the baby had to nurse, you'd not see them for the first year of the child's life. Breastfeeding is normal and people need to get over their hangups about it.

Now.....in your own home she should definately stay put and nurse wherever she wants. When visiting someone else's home, she might want to tell them, "The girls are going to need to nurse off and on all night. If you expect me to leave the room every time they have to feed, then we might as well stay home because you won't see much of me or of the babies since we'll be hid away somewhere else" and see what they say.

She might want to consider that, in a private home, it might be respectful to go elsewhere if the host is uncomfortable.....just like you would only eat, smoke, or change a diaper or your own clothing in a place the host has designated for you to do so.

Go to http://www.kellymom.com and look for the section on "handling criticism."

Answer 8

Is your girlfriend covering herself, like with a small baby blanket, while breast-feeding? I tend to go with the grandmother in this case. If it makes someone uncomfortable, when I'm sure there's an empty room she can nestle into, then I would respect their wishes, they are her elders. I don't think it would be wrong of her to breast-feed if she covers herself so not to expose anyone. She is being somewhat selfish though. Certainly she doesn't want to be left out of everything, but to refuse to go on Christmas, it's childish.

Answer 9

Well, I dont think nursing is innapropriate at ANY time. As long as she was covering up. I can completely understand her sitting on the couch with her boobs out for the world to see. If I was a guy, that would make me uncomfortable.

But if she was covered up, then I think they are being rediculous.

A compromise - Get a LONG shawl (the kind that has an opening for your head and is just a long blanket with no arm holes) and have her nurse under that next time. If people want to sit and imagine what is going on under neath the covering then its their problem.

Answer 10

it extremely is someone element. in case you experience close sufficient on your buddy and do not have a squeamishness difficulty with it then supply it a attempt. different human beings on right here will say that that is incorrect or irrelevant, yet what did women do in Biblical days at the same time as the mum died or develop into too unwell to take care of her baby. somebody else nursed her toddler, in many cases a relative or close buddy. the element that the human beings at LLI and your known practitioner will allow you to recognize is to be examined and characteristic your buddy examined for diseases. this does no longer propose i imagine you've some thing, it truly is in effortless words that you will be passing on your immunities to both children and we opt for the both one among them to be contained in the better of well being. Congrats to you and your buddy!!! :) :) :)