Call me old-fashioned but to me the first date the guy pays. To me it'd be just awkward to offer to split or whatever on a first date, especially if the guy asks you out.
On the second date I'd be happy to invite. But I've come to notice that some guys think that if you don't offer to pay you're expecting them to always pay and that you're going live off his salary or something. It's sort of a bad first impression. I wanted to see if I was wrong about that.
If I asked the guy out, that's a whole other story (that rearely happens, though, I mean girl asking guy out). I'd pay beacuse I suggested going out.
Ultimately the one that asks out, pays the bill.
Where do you stand?
2006-12-18 07:04:16 · 29 answers · asked by mackenzie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
P.S: What if you met the guy over the net and he says: when do we meet? Is that considered as "asking out"?
2006-12-18 07:04:43 · update #1
No-one is answering if you guys expect US girls to offer to pay... and that's kinda the most important part! Thanks!
2006-12-18 07:12:03 · update #2
I don't care if its in person or on the net, if there's going to be a first meeting or date, the guy should pay...UNLESS as you said, you initiated the date because I agree, I have no issues paying if I ask a guy out and I think it's unrealistic to ask someone out and then expect him to pay. But if a guy asks me out on a first date and he doesn't pay, I can assure you there won't be a second date!
2006-12-18 07:10:37 · answer #1 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think demonstrations of good will, open-mindedness, and unselfishness are important virtues to demonstrate, by both parties, on a first date. I do believe, even with my friends, that whomever asks, drives, when we go out to do things. On dates, whomever asks, the girl hopes the guy will pay anyway ;-).
The guy opening doors (car and building), moving to pay dinner/movie, etc. are important. However, I think women also have an important role to play as well (and mind you, "role to play" is merely a play on words as neither of you should be minding "roles" nor "playing-acting" on a date). If a guy opens your car door to let you in, and even if he does not, you should demonstrate the type of person you are and at least attempt/try to push open his door.
As to responding to the actual question at hand; I always go prepared to pay for everything on the date, but it's very nice when my date shows willingness to pay for all or part of the costs. I went on a date once where I payed for dinner, and then my date wanted ice cream, while I wanted coffee. These were both sold at the same place, and she quickly grabbed her own cash and paid for both items. I thought this was the coolest thing ever, and it allowed me to not feel emasculated (and I think it would have been silly anyway if I had felt emasculated in that situation), and it showed that she was a caring and genuine person, and someone whom I'd be lucky to keep dating.
2006-12-18 07:21:39 · answer #2 · answered by Ronnieboy34 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the financial situation on both parties, as well as the two people.
Obviously if one is considerably wealthier, it might make sense that they pay.
On the other hand if the bloke just assumes he's paying, some women might take offence at that - assuming the man thinks she's incapable of dealing with money (yes, it happens).
The first time I went out for a meal with my current girlfriend, I paid all of it. Since then, except on birthdays, we pay for what we buy.
I'm against the idea of men always paying. Why should we? Women earn money too. That idea is about as antiquated as women not being allowed to vote.
edit: You should offer to pay your share. He might feel awkward if he was expecting you to pay half and now suddenly he's got twice as much to pay, whereas if he was expecting to pay the lot and you offer, he can just politely refuse your offer.
2006-12-18 07:09:30 · answer #3 · answered by Tom :: Athier than Thou 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you met the man on web and he says lets meet. Prepare to pay your own way. Your meeting someone not dating them. If he asks for a date. He pays the bill. You do not offer. You want a man that will take care of you and his family without him expecting you to pay half of it. You can give to the family from your own job to help out but that is not your obligation at anytime. It is what you do cause you love them. Never marry any man that expect you to pay half all the time. He wants a mother, or keeper and not a wife and family. Guys should be men , and girls should be the women. IF YOU WANT and you been dating for a while and he has been doing his duty paying for it. THEN you can tell him he has taken you out for a long time and you really have enjoyed it and would he mind if you took him out.? Let him anwser that. Most men like to be appreciated and treated like a king. A little goes a long way. Take him anywhere you want. Buy him a rose or two, and candy bar for fun. Take him on a picnic or dinner , movie somewhere nice. YOU pay the bill..Pick him up at his house. I've asked lots of guys out. We always had a blast. If you start right off trying to pay for stuff he will think your the type that can and will take care of him. Wrong message. Even if you have enough keep that to yourself. Its one way to find out how much they really care about you and what they are willing to do to keep you. Good Luck.
2006-12-18 07:21:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
If a guy you've known or met in person asks you out, he pays. If you ask a guy out, you pay, though a gentleman won't allow you to.
If it's a stranger over the net, meet for coffee and pay your own way, though he'll probably offer to pay.
Girls who take advantage and expect guys to pay all the time are as bad as guys who think girls need to pay all the time.
In the old days, a man paid for dates to prove to a potential wife that he was financially secure enough to have his family live off his salary. In turn, the woman would invite him for a home cooked meal to show off her cooking skills, proving she'd make a good wife.
2006-12-18 07:12:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are traditional and old fashioned then let the man pay, but if you get married some day, don't be the typical female that expects that but fails to fulfill the traditional role of the female in the relationship. That would be my only beef if I always had to pay.
I am always prepared to pay becuase you women never do, I would only expect it if you asked me out. Otherwise I would assume that I am paying.
2006-12-18 07:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by micah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I agree that a guy should pay, but as a consideration, I offer to assist or even pay for it all. That way he knows I am willing to help out. I feel more comfortable if I can pay for something for the evening. If we're going to dinner and a movie, I'll pay for the movie and let him pay for dinner or vise versa. I think it's the mentality that men have to pay for everything that makes them dread asking a girl out.
2006-12-18 07:13:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am the same way - guy pays. Over the net meeting is a date, and offer to pay or tell him you want to go dutch.
2006-12-18 07:07:26 · answer #8 · answered by Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The guy should always pay on the date, even if you asked him, no one told him he had to say yes. A guy that does not pay on a date is not a man at all.
2006-12-18 07:13:33 · answer #9 · answered by Pepsis 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I'm a little old fashioned to. Seems to me that the guy should always pay. WARNING!!! never meet a guy over the internet except in a public setting with friends nearby.
2006-12-18 07:08:28 · answer #10 · answered by Bruce C 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋