I have even had to change the sperm bank that I donate to several times because all sperm banks limit the number of children a specific donor can produce. I have been blessed with the physical and mental traits that are desirable. My educational background also helps I am sure. I say that not to brag butt to be a donor at any good sperm bank have to undergo rigorous tests, including physical exams, blood and urine analysis and regular blood draws -- as often as every two or three months. I have never had any issues with passing these. I have 3 children with my wife. The oldest just turned 5. Over the past year I have started to feel some guilt about not telling my wife. Should I tell her?
2006-12-18 06:25:55 · 9 answers · asked by Brian 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I think that is your right. Wifes do not have to know about every little thing
2006-12-21 01:07:33 · answer #1 · answered by Johnny S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hm...you used the wrong 'but' in your paragraph after saying that you had mental traits that are desirable. That being said, you have been doing this for nine years? How long have you been married? when did this start? Yeah, this is something that you should tell her about, if for no other reason than to plan with her how to tell your three children why they need to know who the actually dad was of their partner when they want to have a family. I mean there are many women who take the option of donated sperm, and that is all well and good, but if you have DNA out there, and children of your own, there is a chance that your children might meet someone that they like, and it may turn out that they are DNA related to the person. Kind of eeewww if you ask me. Be responsible here.
2006-12-18 07:28:27 · answer #2 · answered by twonkybot 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, let me say congratulations on your good health. You must feel very pleased to know that you are considered a very desirable commodity.
That being said, your decision not to tell your wife that she is not the only bearer of your biological offspring is a very controversial one-- particularly if this is something that began after the two of you made an exclusive commitment.
Though your wife and I are two different people, holding different values,etc, I can say that I would probably be quite upset at the lie of omission that you have perpetuated for nine years.
I don't know for sure that I, personally, would be as upset about knowing there are other children of my husband's out there-- provided that sperm banks are the ONLY means by which you have seen fit to spread your extramarital seed-- as much as I would be extremely concerned about what might happen if one of those children attempted to track you down--once the initial shock of having been lied to for NINE YEARS passes.
Have you considered what you would say to your marital family? What if your wife, or one of your children, happens to be the one to read the letter/answer the phone/answer the doorbell if/when one of your other biological children manages to contact you?
Legal restrictions on contacting sperm donors vary from state to state, and it's entirely possible that one of you donor children may be residing in a state that would be willing to allow them to sue for lineage after a certain age, regardless of what the restrictions may be in your particular state. Or, what if one of those children does not care to abide by the law, and takes it upon themselves to contact you?
At the end of the day, the only person who can truly know whether you should tell her is you. If you feel with absolute, irrefutable certainty that no chance exists whatsoever that your family may find out otherwise, then your only issue seems to be learning to live with your conscience.
2006-12-18 07:39:53 · answer #3 · answered by AllMixedUp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why wouldn't you tell her? It's a reproductive issue between the two of you! And why do you have this need to do it? If you've had to change sperm banks, I think it's time to hang up the saddle!
If I were your wife, I might not have a problem with you donating, but I would have a BIG problem with you doing ANYTHING for 9 years and not telling me about it.
2006-12-18 06:30:45 · answer #4 · answered by jframeisu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should tell her that is your wife right! If you were my husband I would be so upset with you that we may end up getting divorced!! How could you do something as big as that and not even tell your WIFE, you two are supposed to have no secrets !! Are you crazy!! You should get off of the internet and go tell your wife right away! Why would you not want to share something like this with her, shes going to be really hurt! How many more secerts have you been keeping from her over the years?
2006-12-18 07:51:42 · answer #5 · answered by CMZ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet she would be mad. If my husband did that and i either found out or he told me i would be furious. You better have checked the box that said not to contact when the child turns 18. When that happens you are going to have a lot of kids knocking down your door and for sure she will find out.
2006-12-18 06:28:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should tell her and I hope she divorces you!
You also owe it to your kids to tell them so they'll know to test potential spouses/sex partners to make sure they aren't siblings!!!
2006-12-18 07:50:28 · answer #7 · answered by Alison 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should!!!!!!!!! a marriage is based on trust, and uve been lying to ur wife for NINE YEARS!!!
2006-12-18 06:29:10 · answer #8 · answered by LA Baby 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeah, tell her...
2006-12-18 10:43:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋