My boyfriend and I have been dating for over two years and I'm 18, almost 19. While I was at college this fall, my boyfriend spent the night at my dorm all the time and my parents knew. Now that Im back, everytime I spend the night at my boyfriends place, my parents freak out and try to take things away from me (car keys) so that I'll still listen to them. Ive been dating him for so long that I thought they would be use to this and that its not that big of a deal. Everytime I try to talk to them they just treat me like a child. How can I convince my parents that I can spend the night at my boyfriends place? I feel like they'll never stop treating me a child ever.
2006-12-18 06:22:29 · 31 answers · asked by J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are a grown woman now. It is time for you to make the decisions of your life. They had their chance to mold you and teach you what they know. Take their advice of course but, unless they are supporting you financially or otherwise you really are free to make your own decisions. I personally would ask them what the problem they had with your boyfriend. Maybe they dislike him or maybe not. Either case I wouldn't tell them any more than they needed if they did not get off my case. Yes it is good to be honest with your parents, but if they don't realize you are grown, then its time for you to leave the nest. Its a very difficult thing to do. But parents that do not let their children grown up and make choices on their own will never let go unless something (leaving home) takes place to break the bonds of sticky parents. Hope that helped. Other than that you have to confront your parents and tell them to back off. Which depending on what culture they are from will always be right and probably dont think what they are doing is incorrect. But this is how it should play out: "Mom dad, this is how you are making me feel > Find out if this is how they intend to make you feel > then come to a medium between what they really intend and what you are hoping for. That's the best solution for everyone involved if you haven't left the house yet.
2006-12-18 06:31:37 · answer #1 · answered by Hugo V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, I must be doing this parenting thing wrong ;)...here the age of majority is 18, when a child is then considered an adult. The adult can then leave school on their own, sign for things that parental consent used to be required etc.
As soon as our children have turned 18 (we have 3 over 18 now and one who will be 18 next year), we've stopped our involvement in the decision they make. There may be some things that we would still become involved in such as if they ever chose to do drugs, but as for what they do with their partners as normal loving adults...that is totally hands off for us and we trust that we've raised them well enough to assure that they will handle their affairs properly and responsibly.
Unfortunately we know of someone who is 22 and her parents are still very active in telling her what to do right down to how to spend her paycheck (which is usually a division between vehicle insurance, utilities, rent of a room and food).
Perhaps if you live at home your parents feel that you are still very much under their guidance...if moving out on your own is plausible, that may be the only way to ensure that your parents are not a part of every decision in your life. I'm sure they only want the best for you and as a parent myself, I know how hard it is to accept that your "baby" isn't one any longer.
Speak with them and see if you can't work it out...all of you deserve to know that you are able to deal with each other on an adult level and with respect now.
Good luck
2006-12-18 06:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by dustiiart 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats a similar story....My parents treated me like that up untill a year ago (Im 22). I protested as much as I could.. I even moved out with my ex-bf when I was 19 and couldnt afford it - just to prove a point. I dont know when it happened but all of a sudden they quit trying to control me, i think they finally realized im an adult and they cant make choices for me anymore.
They just dont want you to make any mistakes, screw up your life.. etc. I know it sucks and its hard to belive but they're strict because they love you and care about you.
Some people arent that lucky enough to have parents like that - so appreciate them and let them know you appreciate that they watch out and care for you - BUT at the same time tell them your an adult now and your responsible and wouldnt do anything to disappoint them.
Good Luck.
2006-12-18 06:28:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound as controlling as your parents ... which makes sense, they are your parents, huh. You are not going to change them. They have certain values and you have your values. They are your parents so if you care about them and respect them and want to treat them well, respect their feelings. If you want to fight and have a power struggle and show them that you have grown up that way, you can do that, but you all will not be as happy. They have the right to be who they are and feel the way they do. So do you too, but it is just like getting along with anyone,there is not a lot of point to trying to change them of make them see things the way you do, because they just don't. Even if you were right it would still probably be impossible for them to change, and vice-versa. Remember, this all started with them thinking it would be a great idea to bring a nice little girl into the world, so you do owe them that much!
2006-12-18 06:28:38 · answer #4 · answered by themountainviewguy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you think they are strict and overprotective of you but they really just want to look after you. I mean come on they are your parents and that's what they are supposed to do. I don't really know how you can make them listen to you but try to just sit down and talk to them about it and tell them that you aren't a child but you know that you are still their daughter and you know that they want the best for you and want you to be safe but this is a choice that you decided to make and you hope that they will learn to respect that because you love this person and they have been fine with it before so why not now? Just talk to them and be polite maybe you will get something out of them.
2006-12-18 06:32:02 · answer #5 · answered by cheergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being selfish and childish so why are you surprised that's how your being treated? Parents worry about their children no matter how old they are. If you are back on break and are supposed to be staying at your parents house, they most likely were excited about spending time with you and you are taking that away from them. Try to work out a schedule and on the nights you are staying at your bf's call and check in with them before bedtime.
2006-12-18 06:28:04 · answer #6 · answered by baby1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Much to your dismay, for some reason they are not ready. you have a few choices
1) live by their rules
2) supply your own things they take away so they cant take them 3)try to explain to them why you want to sleep there let them explain why they feel the way they do maybe work out a compramise, being mature and non confrontational
4) move out on your own
2006-12-18 06:30:02 · answer #7 · answered by loveamouse7767 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live under their roof and they help pay your bills you will need to work with them. Please remember you are still their baby and they worry about you. If you are planning to stay out all night the thing to do is to let them know, it seems it is that big of a deal to them, while you are a young adult you seem to still depend on them, show them the respect the deserve and they will eventually do the same. Good luck
2006-12-18 06:29:45 · answer #8 · answered by sharing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are 19 years old and live with your parents...so you have to live under their rules...like it or not there is your parents home...while you were at collage it was nothing they can do about it...but now is different...is not like they want to treat you as a child, is just a house rules that you have to fallow...now if you have some kind of degree already, why not looking for your own place...that way no one can tell you what to do...I done this to my son...my house, my rules...he don't like it, but has no money to survive in his own...this is part of growing up..want to do what you want while living at your parents, sometimes it does not work the way...
2006-12-18 06:33:15 · answer #9 · answered by Rosie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They take your car keys? If it's your car (in your name), and you pay the insurance then I would be calling the police for theft.
You need to put your foot down, but be prepared for consequences. If you live with your parents then you may not be anymore. If they pay for you college education then they may not be anymore.
If you want to be treated as an adult, be an adult. Take control of your life, and be responsible for it.
2006-12-18 07:15:47 · answer #10 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋