Why I'm I still with an addicted?

Question

I knows he love me and I love him. But he has this problem he can't leave crack cocaine alone. Don't get me wrong I know this isn't going anywhere unless he gets help. I know everyone is proabably going to tell me to leave that zero and find myself a hero. I was thinking what if the shoe was on the other feet? Who would be there for me? There are so many addicts in the world, if we turn our back on all of them what would the world be like. I really love this guy. What can I do to convince him, he needs help or lose me? Please be very honest with your responses. I need to hear the truth.

Answer 1

Weigh out your options....in one hand you can leave him, get as far away from him as you can, cut any and all contact...soon after your heart will begin to feel better, and you will look back at this relationship and wonder what the hell were you thinking back then...you realize that although he is the one on crack, your life was crumbling along with his! OR...on the other hand, stay with him. And prepare yourself for a life filled with nothing but pain, depression, abuse, being let down, and waking up every day wondering what kinda trouble he is going to get you guys into! Soon you will start blaming yourself, thinking you are not enough for him, that he loves the way the crack makes him feel MORE than the way you make him feel!!
If the LOVE between you two is real and mutual, ask him to get help.....If he loves you and feels your pain, he will agree, so you will be by his side while he goes thru rehab.....if not, PLEASE...LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH to move on!! I have been in your shoes....they convince their self that it's not that serious...that he can stop anytime, but he doesn't want to stop yet. Step back and try to see yourself in 2 yrs....which is it??? You want to live in the dark and hate yourself for a million reasons.....or do you want to LIVE!! I know,"Easier said than done". But pray, and have faith!!
Good luck!

Answer 2

u have 2 follow your heart. No one can really tell u what to do, u have 2 do what u feel is right 4 u and him. If u really Love and u want 2 stay with him, then try your best 2 help him get some help. let him know that u r not trying 2 run his lofe or anything, but u love him and u dont want anything to happen to him. So suggest that he go to some AA meetings and 2 help motivate him u go with him. It is going 2 be tough and real hard 2 help him, but if u love him the way u say u do then u should be ready for this. And u r right i the shoe was on the other foot he may want 2 help u. But this type of thing is confusing and hard. I mean in your head u are wondering well dam doesnt he love more than he loves that, will he leave me if I try to help him. But that is the risk you will have to take.

Just let him know that u are there for him and help try to guide him away from it and trust me sooner or later it will be all over. this is just a long nightmare. But remember u cant try and push him too hard, because when u help someone they have to want to be helped. they have to put in as much time as you. And if he doesn't want the help and he wants to stay that way, then the next step is up to you. A true love is hard to let go and I know this and you are a great woman for wantin to stay and try to help him and he should grealty appreciate that. Most women would have left him to be with that crack. Crack would be his girlfriend. You are a wonderful person, but dont beat yourself up if you cant get him to change. At least you tried.

Answer 3

You already know the truth, you just don't like it. I am not beating up on you really, you sound like a really great girl with a really big problem...
If it has not already, the crack will become your relationship. It will take all your money, dreams and future away from both of you. If you truely love him, truely, you will insist he get help and stop. If you had a daughter, I do, would you encourage her or even allow her to date someone, no matter how much she loved him, to go out with or marry a crack head...???? I am hoping and sure the answer is no to that one....
You did bring up a really good point, if we did all just turn our backs on people with problems, this woudl be a sad world....If you choose to take this on, and it sounds like you have, make sure you are ready for the battle ahead...it is gonna be a tough one.....
I am an addict too, to cigs....doesn't sound as bad but none the less has been impossible for me to kick...I spend 10. a day on the stinking things and would like to stop but have only done so periodically and can never quite end it for good...
Your plate is full my dear, make sure this is a challenge you are up for and stay away from the stuff yourself....also, where there is crack, their is danger from the wrong people, if I were your mom, I would say get out of it now...but I am not and I want to help you not be demanding...good luck to you, one last thing, the problems other people have, no amtter how much we love them are not ours...god speed.

Answer 4

You are doing him absolutely NO good by staying with him. You are only enabling him to use more. He has to hit bottom before he'll realize he needs help. As long as he has you in his life picking up the pieces, he will never hit bottom, unless it is death.

Do him a favor, leave him!! Tell him that you love him and that you will always love him, but he needs to get help before the two of you can be together. It may be enough to make him want help.

You are classic co-dependent. You make excuses for him, defend him, and justify your reasons for staying with him. In all honesty, you are staying with him because part of you thinks you can "save" him. YOU CAN'T!!!! Only he can save himself. The other part of you - this is the toughy - enjoys the drama he brings to your life! You probably won't admit that, but it is surely true to some degree. As hard as it will be, the best thing you can possibly do for him is to leave him! Let him become desperate to get help! Then, and only then, will he change his life!!

Answer 5

there is nothing you can do to convince him of anything.. he has to get clean and then remove the blindfold himself.. addiction is a disease and it has nothing to do with will power.. when someone is in the midst of active addiction the only thing they see is addiction.. for some people the addiction never ends till it brings them to depths of insanity, jail and even death.. the best thing for you to do if it's to much to handle is to leave, and if it's not then the best thing would be for you to possibly see if he wants to go to a NA meeting with you or rehab :) :) :) I just wanted to let you know that these people on here don't know the first thing about being an addict and you should go to an NA meeting to find out more about the disease of addiction because there you'll be around people that are addicts or if you want you can come and talk to me.. I've been clean sober for quite awhile now...

Answer 6

Been in a similar relationship myself. The question is not whether he would do the same thing for you (helping you with an addiction). The question you should be asking is what you would do to help yourself. Just as he should be the one to help himself first. And love sometimes means having the strength to let go to save yourself, which is what I did in a previous relationship. It's up to him alone to get himself well. You can support him, but you can't carry him.

Answer 7

this is a tough one,i feel for you its probley very hard to love someone and watch them do that too them self.he needs help.and if he is not willing to go get help you need to walk away.sit down tell him either he gets help or its over and tell him your not walking away because you don't love him you are walking away because you can't deal with it anymore.and if he is willing to get the help he needs and goes to a rehab center then stick by him because he will need you.but he is the only one can do it i wish you and him luck

Answer 8

Ok... I see your point, but also... Its NOT YOUR job to take care of him if he doesnt want the help. If he really wants help, then he needs it from PROFESSIONALS or else you are giving him positive reinforcement to keep doing crack, which means.... He knows you are going to stay with him, regardless of him quitting.

Answer 9

i feel for you and it sucks. if he won't stop using crack for you then he never will, i know you don't want to hear that but it is the truth.

Answer 10

you need to talk to him to get into a rehab if he loves you he can do it. maybe ask his parents for help or brother or any of his family members you cant do this alone.GOOD LUCK!!!!