I am 35 yrs old, have 3 girls and I am married. My mom still tries to tell me what to do with my children and I can't take it anymore. I am not the type to disrespect her because she brought us up better than that. I am a very emotional person and I don't know how to talk to her about this. For example, my daughter had a christmas concert that my mom knew about a week before time and then the last day she says she can't make it because she had company coming over. 2 days later was my daughters birthday party and my mom calls to tell me she can't make it because it's the only time she can go to bingo. She is sounding so much like her mother was. She takes my daughter to school because I have no one else that can, so how can I talk to her without getting her really mad and then decide not to take her to school anymore. And yes, I give her gas money to do this!
2006-12-18 06:03:00 · 9 answers · asked by DawnC36 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Ask your mom if this is too much of a burden and to be honest with you.
Tell her you appreciate what she does, but Birthdays and Christmas parties are essential for your children and you do not like disappointing your children.
Check with the school to see if someone reliable is interested in getting your kids to school.
Check with other parents whose kids go to the same school.
There are other safe options out there.
You gradually need to relieve your mom from these duties and take the stress off you and the kids.
2006-12-18 06:15:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're asking for too much. She is already helping her. You should be grateful that she is even there to take YOUR kids to school. Shouldn't you be responsible for that?!?!?! Well, your mom was gracious enough to help out. The problem is with you. You need a major attitude adjustment and you need to let her know how much you appreciate her for helping you out. If you don't do this, you will regret it when she is dead and you have no one else to depend on. Get a grip. Boo hoo. She can't make your daughter's concert and birthday. She did all of this stuff with you, and she doesn't want to go through this again. Let her enjoy herself and have some moment of peace, you lazy bum.
2006-12-18 14:08:55 · answer #2 · answered by Sax M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother wants to have control over things. My mother in law is totally like that. She wants us to live according to her schedule, and what's convenient for her to do. But, we also have a life, a schedule and things that have to happen for the kids. So, we just let these things go - if she doesn't want to show up for this and that because I the daughter in law planned it and not her, then it's her loss really. You can't force her to follow your plans. In her mind, you're the eternal child and should be letting her plan things and make you try to change your schedule to accomodate but that's just not being reasonable. My mother in law wants us to feel guilty about this too like - it's our fault. You really should have someone else to take her to school or send her on the bus. Pay one of her friends mom's to drive her to school. Your mom shouldn't be fulfilling your daily chores for your family and then using that to control and manipulate situations. We basically had to take everything away from my mother in law to get her to stop that maniupulating and controlling and she doesn't like it - but it made everything better for our family even if we're not super close the way she'd like to be. I don't even let her make me feel pressured. I mean it's so bad with her that she'll say she can't make the party but can we come to her house the next day to celebrate - so she can throw the party. my sister in law does the same thing. They won't do something that I planned but if they planned it - and we don't do it - it's a huge guilt trip. We just had to decide that we just can't do everything together - that's life and they need to deal with it. No thanks mom, we also have a schedule and things to do and there's nothing wrong with mommy throwing the parties for her own kids. It takes many year of adjustment and mom may never adjust - we all love each other but these are the ways we get on each other's nerves all the time.
2006-12-18 14:13:07 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it looks like its time to judt sit her down and tell her and if she gets mad so be it stop letting her have so much control and if she stops takeing her grandbabies to school than you need to place a ad or ask someone else in the family to do it good luck asnd you have to make a stand!!!!
2006-12-18 14:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by JINE GIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should be able to make the child's birthday party.
I wonder if she has a secret "bingo" or gambling addiction - many people do.
2006-12-19 02:02:24 · answer #5 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your mother that her grandchildren are disappointed when she doesn't show. Let her know that you understand her 'busy' schedule so if she can't make a family event please say so ahead of time so that you cna explain to the children.
Seems that your mother brought you up right and therefore talking to her will bring more respect.
2006-12-18 14:07:56 · answer #6 · answered by stacy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Appreciate the degree to which she helps you with your children, be grateful, and understand that she has a life as well. Any help she gives you is better than none.
2006-12-18 14:06:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
that sucks she picks bingo over her grandaughter? just love her, there's not much you can do, it sounds like it. stop inviting her and she''ll ask why then lay it on her
2006-12-18 14:07:42 · answer #8 · answered by graciegirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to point out her behavior and how it's making you feel, if you don't she will continue this.
2006-12-18 14:07:02 · answer #9 · answered by Bri 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋