Bad childhood...?

Question

I am 20 years old. My mom died when i was 10, left me alone with my then 3year old brother and dad....i have never really had a very friendly relation with my dad....always felt very alone growing up.It was actuallt traumatic to see my mother die in front of my eyes...she was my evrything. My schooling went off fine...but now i feel like something is missing within me...i feel very very insecure...evryday is really difficult for me mentally. I know i missed a lot when i was a kid...it was what you can call a bad childhood. I have nevr had any women ever close to me, who could have taken my mother's place...i miss hera lot...but i cnt do anything.
I really cant expalin how i feel in words...but i have always felt sad my whole life.
I never wanted such a life... am a very intelligent girl...but nevr knew that Gos would put me in such a situation where i have to suffer so much.
I have none to sare my pain with. Please tell me what should i do.

Thanks.

Answer 1

maybe you should try someone to be with. it wouldn't replace your mom, obviously, but you'd have someone to share your feelings with.

Answer 2

Hello Dear.... =)

Do you have a Grandmother on either side that you could take an extended holiday with?? I was just wondering, since, at 20, the odds that you should still have a surviving Grandmother are pretty good.

It is very difficult when a parent abandons us in this way. It is important to remember that they did not do this TO US. Forgiving your mom, and your dad, might be a good place to start, but that isn't easy. Being with a Grandparent might help you with that.

A kind, sensitive, compassionate partner can help replace the lack of affection between you and your father, and this can be a healthy thing. There is little to replace the loss of your mother, however.

My father died in infancy. My stepfather was an abusive alcoholic. I did have uncles, which helped, but no brothers or sisters. So, for the most part, I was alone. So I do have some "small" appreciation for your feelings.

I am very sorry. I do wish that things had been otherwise, and would make them so, if I could.

Namaste,

--Tom

Answer 3

I had a bad one too. both parents drug addicts, craziness and uncertainty every day of my life and at your age, I felt the same way.

Your life is now YOURS, it does not belong to your parents. You mom apparently loved you and though its traumatic, she would not want you to let her death 10 years ago stop you from living today. She would want you to be happy, healthy and successful in the ways that you want to be. Maybe you should think about making her and yourself proud, it will lift your depression to know that you overcame your troubled past. She probably is suffering to see you so sad wherever she is right now.

You are an adult and you now have the ability to make your life what you want it to be. Use your experience and see it as a blessing. that you KNOW what its like not to have so now when you someone comes into your life you will nottake them for granted. Its a long slow process, but never give up on working to make your life better. It works and it makes you appreciate what you've been through. Be proud that you made it against such terrible odds and admire your own strength. use that strength to move forward.

And no your fate is not your parents fate. and maybe its a lesson for you to not follow the same path and when you get to be a mom yourself you will know what NOT to do.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear this all. Dear, as u tell that ur mother died when u were only10 it seems that u r very brave girl who fight with her life with bravery. It is really very tough to understand ur situation, no one can take place of ur mom but i want 2 advice u that u should find some friend with whom u can share ur feelings. One thing more pls be careful in making a friend coz people in this world are so mean they come near others for their selfishness so they can put u in grief also. For that u make friend nd dont believe so much at the starting so that if he/she is not right for u then it doesn't effect u nd after some time u can believe them as u will come to know what type of they are.
If u want to share ur feelings with me then i will be there for u everytime. U can mail me.

Answer 5

Without knowing any other details, it sounds like instead of a "bad childhood" you just had "bad things happen during your childhood" and since there's nothing you can do to change those things, you just need to find some peace. I know it must be hard to miss your mother so much, but there's too much joy in life that you're missing out on by focusing on these feelings. It may help for you to volunteer your time with a young girl in your situation and become her mentor. Focusing on someone else may help ease your worry about yourself. Take care.

Answer 6

you just need to go and find yourself a good counsler or a very good friend and cry and talk until you feel better! My mother died when I was 18 2 weeks after i turned 18 she died I had 10yr old sister and a 4 yr old brother at the time. @ days after she died I found out I was pregnant. My father had molested me so he was outa the picture a long time ago. I had noone but my sister and brother and my kids father which by the grace of god he was a good father. But very bad for me mentally! I am telling you this because you don't need to go looking for a man at this time because you are going to fall for the first one who ACTS like they care. So i suggest you finding a real close person that you can talk to even if it is somebody you never meet before online you can talk to them , you have to let these feelings for your mother out! I know how you feel! Email me anytime

Answer 7

I am so sorry to hear that you lost you mom at such an early age.

I am a sole believer that a motherless child sees a hard time.

You need that motherly input. No one else can replace mom but it doesn't mean that you have to be miserable.

You may need some counseling which can be very theraputic.

Pray on it and you may find better ways to cope.

Answer 8

I am not aware of how you feel... but time is a healer...

You say you are twenty... are you studying or going to work? Are you getting out of your house enough? If the answer is NO, then do something and get out of your house everyday... get a job or study further.... keep yourself busy...

Make new friends... this will really help you change your prospective on life....

I know everything is easier said than done... but if you really feel you need to change your situation, you need to work for it.

Always remember that when God closes all doors, He always opens a window.

Answer 9

Im very sorry for all that you have gone throught growing up. On the bright side, I really admire your strength. You may not think so, but you are a very strong person to have survived everything you have gone through and still doing good for yourself. I consider myself a very strong person but I don't know how I woulda handled being in your situation growing up. You have overcome so much in life and you shouldn't let it bring you down. You have grown and matured on your own, by yourself and thats true strength because you won't need someone else to do it for you. Having a mom would have been great but thats not the case for you and you shouldn't dwell on it. You know that your mother wouldn't want you to fall into a hole with no return because of her passing. She looks down at you with tears thinking how proud of you she is for becoming who you are despite of all hardships you encountered. Be thankful and start loving your life, thats what she wants for you and that's what you should want for you. Keep your head up and keep looking forward. Don't let your past destroy your future. You can mourn for her, but still remember that you are alive and you have to go on.

Answer 10

Well, you can't get back your mother. So you must move on in life accepting that as a fact. But if you have someone to share your pains with, much of that burden will lessen from your heart. Do I sound blunt and insensitive? Well...I invite you to talk to me. Maybe together we can bring back the smile to your face. And I'm the father of a daughter aged 11. Don't feel obliged to respond to my invitation. You can pour your heart out to anyone, who is very sympathetic. But do talk...to whoever you feel like.

Answer 11

I feel sorry to hear this. But you are not alone and we are all here with you. You can imagine the plight of children who are born in countries like Iraq, Afghanistan etc and have to accept struggle as their life. You can use your experience to make another child smile. Great people have reinvented themselves only after going through such experiences. God bless you.