my dad passed away not even 1 month ago, him and my mother were happily married for 27 years, but now she acts like she didnt even love him and shes with another man and is getting married! should i be mad or am i the one whos nutts?
2006-12-18 04:44:36 · 25 answers · asked by fire2cat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
FLIP OUT
2006-12-18 04:46:44 · answer #1 · answered by Ali D 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I can understand you dilemma. Your father passed away and he is irreplaceable, but you feel your mom has found someone to take his place.
Marriage is a complex relationship. The definition of love changes many times. The relationship between two people is unique. Is she on the rebound or is there something deeper?
Your mom maybe ready to move on, even if you are not. If you father had a long illness, then I am sure there were many conversations that took place without you present and the grieving process started before your father passed away.
If there is a choice between your mother drowning in her own sorry for the rest of her life or meeting someone that she can be happy with, then I would choose the second one. Either way, no one can replace your father and I don't think that your mom would want you to look upon her new beau as a replacement.
2006-12-18 04:53:56 · answer #2 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know from experience that it is very hard. They say that you should not make any changes in your life for at least one year after losing a spouse. Your Mom needs to take time to grieve and make plans for living her life without her mate of 27 years. You are still trying to deal with your Father's death. You need to have a long talk with your Mom and in a nice way, point out to her that you think she is rushing things a little and you are having a problem with keeping up with her. Tell her that you are aware that she would more than likely want to remarry but, she needs to take her time and not jump into something so fast. She is probably depressed and thinks that a new husband is just the thing to pull her out of the depression. She needs to take more time. Ask her what the hurry is. I just feel that a month is not nearly enough time to deal with death. Bless you.
2006-12-18 05:14:59 · answer #3 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you may see this as an affront to your departed father's memory, it really is a common form of grieving. It sounds almost like she's clinging onto the love of someone else in order to get through the pain of losing her husband of 27 years. I would recommend that you sit down with her and talk to her. Ask her how she's doing in regards to the loss. Her answer may surprise you. I lost my father many years ago, and although it was my step-mother, she did something similar with dating someone new very shortly after he passed. As it turns out, she was just going through the grieving process in her own way.
The mention of marriage so soon to this new man in her life does raise some alarm. I would hope that she is taking some time to get to know her new man better before deciding to commit.
I hope this helps.
2006-12-18 05:51:02 · answer #4 · answered by mike w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No body is nuts. You are just feeling natural feelings. As you should. But what you are NOT seeing, is your mother's feelings. She's suddenly alone, and lonely. She was married to the same man for 27 years, she probably is at an age, she fears she'll be alone for the rest of her life if she doesn't find someone else. She's also greifing and having another male figure in her life is probalby going to be supportive for her emotionally. For her, this is a very natural reaction. It does not mean she didn't love your dad. Its just easier and probably the best way she can deal with it this way. Put your own emotions and aside and try to understand your mother's pain. This is her way of trying to move on/deal with it. Nobody is saying this is healthy or the best way, but its HER way. And you should simply support her rather than fight her on it. Its a big deal having your life partner pass away after 27 years! Its probably harder on her than on you, to be honest. You have your whole life ahead of you, she thought that was supposed to be the rest of her life and it didn't turn out that way. I think in this trying time, you guys both need to talk to eachother and support eachother and UNDERSTAND eachother and what you each might possibly be feeling. But ultimately this is her decision and her choice AND HER LIFE. Its upsetting, and if you were her you might not do the same... but again... this is her way of dealing with it.
This is a crude exapmle but may help you understand. They say the fastest way to get over someone is to sleep with a stranger. Thats why people who get dumped are either pining away at their ex or going out and trying to get hit on or get laid... it doesn't mean they didn't love the person that dumped them, they could be entirely heart broken and sad, but this is a way to feel better.
I'm sure she loved your dad. I'm sure that its painful for her is why she's rushing into things so fast. I'm NOT sure that its a smart/wise decision, but its her mistake to make. Do not be mad at her. But probably express to her that you are worried she might be moving too fast but that you support her if that is truly what she wants. Try to support her feelings.
Good luck.
2006-12-18 04:50:21 · answer #5 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for one its her life and you only know of the relationship from your view, who knows what really went on in the marriage to your father. thats not to say your father was a bad man or anything its just sometimes children no matter their age forget their parents are human beings too with real feelings, desires and dreams. perhaps this is a rebound and the way your mom is dealing with your fathers death, it could be she was having an affair with this guy before your father died or it could be she is terrified of being alone...bottom line she is a human being trying to deal with not only her loss but also her future. i can imagine that 27 yrs with one person and suddenly they are gone would be scary. i have no doubt she still loves your father, you don't stay 27 yrs with someone if you don't but also she could really love this man and who is to say otherwise? don't be mad and you aren't nuts...its just that you are viewing this from a whole different perspective than she is....consider this...is the guy nice? does he take care of her? is he a quality person, stable and trustworthy? if he is then accept it best you can...he is not replacing your father. i am sure that is one of his concerns. consider too...is your mother happy, is this a positive thing for her? just because she is happy does not mean she doesn't still mourn for your father and it sure doesn't mean she doesn't love him or never did. try and be supportive of her and this new man, they will need your and your families love and support and lets face it do you want her miserable and depressed mourning the passing of your father for years or would you rather see her happy and living the rest of her life having fun and being pleasant to be around. too, consider that this is not your life and its wrong for you to judge her...would you want her telling you how to live yours?
2006-12-18 04:53:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about how you are feeling. Don't be silent about it. Give her some insights on what you think and feel about it. Maybe, it will give her something to think about.
But if this is what she wants (that makes her happy) you cant change it, and no matter how hard it will be you will have to accept it over time no matter how much you don't like it.
Maybe when you get to know him more than the guy jumping in your moms life so sudden maybe he isn't so bad.
But stick in there, tell your mom, and work from there.
Good luck!
2006-12-18 04:59:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sit back. It must be a hard time for her as well. Maybe she feels like she needs that part of her back. How she acts and feels are probley to diffrent things. It sounds like she is just looking for some one to be there for her. No you are not nutts. You are going to feel how you are going to feel. Just try to talk to your mom about it. She were she is coming from you dont have to understant but try to.
2006-12-18 04:50:12 · answer #8 · answered by karli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same thing happen and now they are very happy together and he has turned out to be one of the greatest people I have met.
All people deal with loss differently. Just remember, he's not replacing your dad, your Mom probably just needs someone in her life to help her heal.
2006-12-18 04:47:11 · answer #9 · answered by ksmpmjoll 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some people cannot be alone. they need that constant companion.
If you want to choose to feel mad or sad that is your feeling.
Your father is gone, and I am sorry for that, but Life is for the living. You have your life with your own family. your Mom has her life and she has a right to be happy. so she can either be alone and be miserable or she can find a new mate to bring her happiness.
which choice do you want for your mother , to be happy or sad.
2006-12-18 04:55:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Dad passed away from lung cancer and about a month and a half later she stated dating a guy from England.
I was really upset just losing my father and I was really close to him.I was 10 when this happend.
Best of luck to you.
2006-12-18 04:54:14 · answer #11 · answered by JC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋