What should I do about my feelings towards my mother-in-law?

Question

Lately I get the sense that my mother-in-law really doesn't like me. She used to be my best friend, and now she acts as if she would rather not be around me. My husband and I worked really hard to move to her area, and now that we are there I think she would prefer that we were 1000 miles away again. We used to do fun things with them when we would visit, and we were always invited to their parties, and now she doesn't even tell us that she is having a party until it is over. The thing is, that now that we live here, I could care less if she is having a party with her own friends, they are not my friends, so I don't know why she would think we would want an invitation to the party now. What bothers me is that she thinks that she has to do it behind our backs. She does the same thing about going out to dinner. It is as if she thinks we will always invite ourselves to go along, but we have our own lives. Am I taking this too personally, or should I move?

Answer 1

I recently experienced something similar when my wife and I moved back to her hometown to be closer to her Mom after her Dad's death. She had been living in another state for 20 years, so moving back home was nothing like she expected. Her whole family lives here with the exception of her sister,( who she is closest to) My wife went through a period of real depression when we moved back because she kept saying "everybody is so different" "this isn't my family". It was very difficult to accept the fact that visiting for a week is alot different than actually living around them every day. Don't take it too personaly, they are just getting on with their lives the way they did before you moved there. When you were there to visit, you only had a few days to do things together and they wanted to do as much as possible with you and spend as much time as they could with you. When you all live in the same place, the relationships definitely change and it is a hard adjustment to make. My wife still has issues with it sometimes and we've been here for 4 years now. Your in laws probably don't feel the need to tell you every time they go out to eat or have a get together with the neighbors or whatever, they realize you have a life, too and don't want to bother you all the time. At least that's what my Mother in Law says about it. I wish you the best and hope you can find some middle ground where everyone is comfortable with the relationship.

Answer 2

When I was married to my husband my mother in law did every thing to cause us to be mad at each other. You did not say if your husband ever said any thing to her but he needs to set down with his mother an asks her what is going on with her. an let his mom know that you are his wife an she needs to not do you that way. I wish my now EX had done that for me. good luck I could write a book about the things that happen with mine.

Answer 3

The best thing to do (although not always the easiest) would be to sit her down and let her know how you have been feeling. Ask her why she has changed the way she acts towards you. Chances are, if some weird doubt about you has entered her mind, it will quickly disappear when she realizes you value your relationship with her enough to ask her and try to fix the problem. Good luck!

Answer 4

If you really want to know the answer ask her, and tell her what you have told us. She may think that you will get offended if she has functions and do not invite her. Continue to love and respect her as you have done before moving.

Answer 5

my mother n law and i have never really gotten along and it use to bother me but once I sat down and thought about it i realized I had who I wanted to have a relationship with-my husband. I realized I hadn't married my in laws I married him. I gave up on trying to fit in. Never allow anyone to make you do something you dont want to do-if you move-move because you want to move-not because you are running from your mother n law. Like her but -don't kiss her butt.

Answer 6

Try to open the lines of communication - it sounds like you are a great daughter-in-law. Best wishes

Answer 7

i do no longer understand relating to the full gratitude subject. each and every discern has this concept approximately being favored for being a solid discern by using being waiting to be their teenagers' pal whilst they are sufficiently old. possibly that's her case. She purely would be jealous of you. have you ever seen that? i think of that as an adoptive and bio mom i'm going to provide the different viewpoint. Her no longer approving of his way of existence would purely be her easy opinion. Do you have teenagers? are you able to think of raising this newborn with all your love and notice him making judgements you do no longer approve of? i understand that at a undeniable element you need to enable pass in spite of the undeniable fact that it particularly is frustrating for a mom to try this. She is obviously no longer hardheaded. She has touch along with his bio relatives or perhaps talks to them. it form of appears like she is fairly information and knowledgeable approximately her son's desires as an adoptee. relating to the full intercourse and faith subject i understand the way you sense! My husband's entire relatives is Jehovah's witnesses. as quickly as all of us started relationship, that suitable there substitute right into a sin: date! as quickly as we "fornicate" they almost had a heart attack! My now better half's mom even despatched me a video of a biblical account wherein some righteous adult adult males get in contact with the subsequent city prostitutes and turn remote from God. are you able to have self assurance that? She did no longer even understand me! i think of you're taking this the incorrect way. that's easy to blame all this mess on the very undeniable fact that he substitute into accompanied and he or she is making him pay for that! She is purely his mom! some mothers will try this (like my better half's mom). If she did no longer provide a crap approximately him, she would not be all up on your bussiness. Is that the superb thank you to instruct him or you techniques plenty she cares? NO! yet that's her way. provide her time. And undergo in techniques that until you opt to push the guy you like into severing all ties along with his mom you could desire to have some point of persistence along with her. do no longer tolerate her rudeness, yet be keen to start sparkling whilst she is waiting. I did that. Is my better half's mom nonetheless slightly a discomfort? confident, yet so are all of them.