Am I being unfair? Father-in-law is stepkids' babysitter for dad?

Question

My wife got divorced last year and married me a few months ago. Her ex has a bad job that he won't get rid of that requires him to work on Saturdays. In the meantime, he takes them over to my wife's father's house for free babysitting every Saturday.

On one side, they are his grandchildren, but we're happy to let him see the kids through us. I think it's inappropriate to have the ex using my wife's family as his personal day care. I know for a fact that if it weren't for needing the free babysitting, he wouldn't take them over there at all.

On top of it all, my new father-in-law hasn't even spent any time with us in the last 8 months, but sees his ex-son-in-law every other weekend as he does him this favor.....

I should also mention that father-in-law masturbated in front of his daughter on a regular basis while she was growing up. The children's father had a talk with his ex-father-in-law and he "assured" him that nothing like that would ever happen, and he didn't know what his daughter was talking about.

Answer 1

if he has visitation on the weekends, its his right to find whatever babysitter he wants,,,, even his exwifes family,,,, and actually that, in most cases is better then a stranger,,,,,,, it seems you are wanting to establish a relationship with your new father-in-law,,,, which is normal, but you have to get over being jealous of her ex,,,, remember that he was in the family, probably for a long time,,,,, and also he is the childrens father,,,,,, im sure as time goes by,,,,,, your relationship will develop,,,,,, just work on that, perhaps inviting your father in law out to lunch , and activity, or over to your home, and dont pay attention to what the ex is doing,,,,, also a factor in this may be the quickness that your married, after your wifes divorce, you cant really expect to just step in and take the son-in-law role away from the other man,,,, that fast

Answer 2

Please don't get upset, but I think you are being unreasonable.

This gives the CHILDREN a chance to be with thier grandfather....this should be your primary concern. Regardless of the motive....or bad feelings involved, just try to think about the children.

It is unfortunate that the ex- (dad) has to work on Saturday, but heck, he could be a deadbeat dad and sit on his @$$. Would you prefer he find a "personal" day care that the children don't know? A bad job that he won't get rid of? I think that's pretty unfair.....

Maybe he wouldn't take them over there if it wasn't for "free" babysitting services, but ask yourself does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

I'm sorry that your father in law hasn't spent much time with you in the past 8 months, but have you invited him?

Without being disrespectful, it sounds like you've got some personal issues with dad...Your wife's ex...

Just think about the children.....

Answer 3

It almost sounds like your wife's parents believe that her ex was unjustly treated in the divorce, or the circumstances around the divorce. Her parents aren't visiting you and your wife, but they are going out of their way to help their ex son-in-law.

It's hard to know exactly what the back story is here, but it sure does sound like there's more feeding into this can be seen at first blush.

Either way though, it's your wife's parents prerogative to support your wife's ex and to help him out with babysitting. It allows them a chance to see their grandkids in addition to whatever convenience it offers the kids natural father.

As for whether this fellow has a "bad job", is his call to make...and there's certainly no need for him to change jobs unless he decides that that there's a need. That's not your call to make, and any judgment about that from you carries very little weight relative to the father's say in the matter.

Answer 4

I have to agree with most of the other posters. Whast best for teh children. I am divorced myself adn know what the jealosy can do to you. Youve just got to put it aside and let the children have whats best in this. Although you may want to check custody arrangement as well. If my ex can not keep our daughter for ANY length of time it has to be a parent or grandparent they are left with. If longer than 4 hours he has to call me to have first option of keeping her. So he may even HAVE to leave them with a grandparent.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are jealous of the ex-husband and as long as the kids are happy and well-cared for, you need to stay out of the situation as it is none of your business.