I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. My family doesn't really want us to be together and because of this my family is always saying negative things to me about him and talking about how hard it is going to be for me to date him outside the family. He didn't do anything to them but they don't trust him. It's really bad and they are like this with almost anyone that doesn't kiss their butt. He is a great guy, treats me well, makes great money. Oh and we are both in our mid-twenties. What do I do? I feel like they are trying to force me to break up with him. I can't even bring his name up without people acting weird and anytime my parents get me alone I have to get a speech about him and listen to their nonsense. Help! What do I do? Should I break up with him to shut everyone up or should I ignore it?
2006-12-18 02:28:27 · 16 answers · asked by 3262m 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yes
2006-12-18 02:29:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you are in your twenties. It is your life, and you are free to love and be with whomever you wish. Don't break up with him just because of your family. They just need more time to accept him, get to know him. But I also wouldn't shut out your family altogether. I know all too well that you don't want to trade one support system for another. You can have both. You deserve both. Just give your family time to get to like or at least tolerate your boyfriend. You might also tell them specifically how you feel about the situation. Maybe they just need a blunt heads up.
2006-12-18 10:35:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beat the LOGIC out of them.
Ask them if they have any basis for their mistrust.
If they don't: then challenge them and force them to accept your opinion.
If they do: Then debate it back to them with your more intimate knowledge of him.
This is a confrontational solution, but is far better then the "Ignore Them" solution, or at least that's my opinion. When you do confront them, ensure 2 things.
1) You boyfriend is not there, lest they think he influences you.
2) Don't lose your composure. Do that and they will disregard anything you say. Be calm and rational, no matter how much they may irritate you.
In the end, nothing may be resolved, but they might respect your decisions more.
2006-12-18 10:35:00 · answer #3 · answered by stn1225 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're old enough to make up your own mind. Do that. You know what you want and sometimes our families do get in the way, especially if they are using negativity to try to get compliance from you. If there is nothing wrong with him, like he makes his good money selling crack, he's a pimp, a wrestler (jk), or something equally bad, then their worries are unfounded. Is there anything they know about him that could be causing this problem? If not, forget about what they say and do what you want to do about this.
2006-12-18 10:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by A B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are their reasons for disliking him? Do they see something you don't see? If he has been great to you, then it is their problem, not yours. If you were a teenager, it would be different. You are an adult and unless he is cruel to you or taking advantage of you, it is possible that they are jealous that you are so happy. Were you the "golden child" growing up? If so, this reaction could stem from them wanting to see you fail at something. Tell them how it makes you feel. Don't break up with him if he is someone you love and can see yourself settling down with!
2006-12-18 10:32:17 · answer #5 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem... My family doesnt want me to come to thier christmas party.. because I said I was bringing my boyfriend... not to mention they dont call/check on me ALL year... but he takes care of me and my kids... but I should ditch him to make them happy.. and what not spend christmas with the ones I truly LOVE... they are NUTZ!! If they cant accept that he is an important part of my life.. they are telling me they dont trust my judgement.. and truly is thier loss... Holidays are a time where we should come together.. not pick at imperfections... I say screw em!
2006-12-18 10:37:07 · answer #6 · answered by c_leoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Become an OUTCAST towards your family. I know Its easier said then done, but Ignore them and blaintily talk about him when you want. Tell your parents this.. I guarentee when you two first met your parents didnt approve of eith one of you. And everyone has to learn someday, so maybe your learning now. Tell them that. They have eachother, If you break up In their regard, your alone. No brainer.
2006-12-18 10:34:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you happy with him? If you are screw the family, they don't have to be with them. Ignore them, if they can't see that you're happy then that's their problem not yours. Don't date for your family date for yourself. Remember your family will always be there for you no matter what. Keep seing this boy of yours, you never know one day you might realise he is the one and get married
2006-12-18 10:31:56 · answer #8 · answered by Nurse KeVo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him and he loves you, don't even entertain the idea of breaking up for anyone or anything....Love is a very precious thing and it is truly hard to find....Hang on for your life...Also if he is a good guy, (and it sounds like he is), don't give him up. Sit down with your family, tell them you love them and want to spend time with them but:::::::::::::You will no longer entertain their judgments, their dislike, their comments, their rudeness, their insistence to break up, and their disrespect for you and him,etc. Tell them that if they want to be around you, all of this has to stop, or you will no longer be around them. Tell them you will not stop loving them, but that they have to respect your choices, your judgment, and your ability to decide what is good for you......If they cannot accept this then it is their problem, not yours..............You may have to stay away from them a while, or get off the phone early because of their comments, but they will get the picture eventually......I know this is very hard on you, but you must stick with your guns and stand this out with them or they will never respect your choices.............Good luck sweetheart, and email me if you want to talk...............
2006-12-18 10:41:58 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you really like/love this guy you should stay with him..its not your family's choice on who you date and go out with..and besides like you said your in your mid-twenties right now..tell them you know how to take care of yourself..but you should also find out why they are always so negative towards hime (if you dont already know)..if you're gunna break up with him do it because its your decision (you know like maybe sumthin happened between yall) not your family's...and you can always tell your famil what you feel when they talk bad of your bf..
2006-12-18 10:32:48 · answer #10 · answered by Micelle Rye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There comes a time when you have to take a stand for yourself and what you want even against people in your own family!
2006-12-18 10:32:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋