10 points to the funniest
2006-12-18 01:19:20 · 11 answers · asked by Joe the God of Averageness® 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Damn, I dont have any funny jokes any more. I divorced her!!
2006-12-18 01:23:01 · answer #1 · answered by D.C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."
2006-12-18 03:32:36 · answer #2 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
Knickerless
Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.
Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
2006-12-18 09:29:56 · answer #3 · answered by HHH 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy owns a male parrot. Every time he brings a lady home, they walk by the parrots cage and it says "Somebody's gonna get srewed! Somebody's gonna get screwed!" After a while he decides to buy a female parrot. He goes to every pet shop in town and can't find a female parrot anywhere. Finally, at the last pet shop, the clerk says, "Well, we don't have any female parrots, but we have a female owl." The guy thinks "Sh*t, female's female, right? He takes the owl home and puts it in the cage with the parrot. That night he brings this sexy blonde home, walks by the parrots cage and the parrot says, "Somebody's gonna get screwed! Somebodly's gonna get screwed!" The owl says "Who? Who?" and the parrot says "NOT YOU YOU FLAT FACED SON OF A B*TCH!"
2006-12-18 03:22:20 · answer #4 · answered by drammy22 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, I brought ten
apples. The king then explained the trial to him. You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or youll be eaten.
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8.... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it? The
second one replied, I couldnt help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples.
2006-12-18 01:54:19 · answer #5 · answered by nba fan 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
4 husbands are waiting for their wives to have babies. The nurse comes out and tells the first one, "Congratulations! You're the father of twins!" In reply, he says, "That's odd, I work for the Minnesota Twins!" Then another nurse comes out and tells the second man, "Congratulations! You're the father of Triplets!" In reply, he says, "That's odd, I work for 3M!" Then another nurse comes out and tells the third man, "Congratulations, You're the father of quadruplets!" In reply, he says, "That's odd, I work at the Four Seasons Hotel!" The the fourth man is banging his head against the wall. All three men ask, "What's wrong?" The fourth man then says, "I work for 7-UP!!!!!!!!!"
2006-12-18 03:14:47 · answer #6 · answered by No, You. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a mad woman quickly went out of her house & walked towards her mail box, looked in it, & went back in her house. a few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again. she did this 5 more times, & her neighbour, who was watching her, said, " u must be expecting a very important letter today. i can make that out by the way u keep looking into the mail box." the mad woman answered "no, i am working on my computer, & it keeps telling me that i have a mail."
2006-12-18 02:10:09 · answer #7 · answered by SS 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Q. Whats the difference between a drunk and a stoner?
A. A drunk drives through the stop sign; a stoner waits for it to turn green
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Q: What food kills a woman’s sex drive?
A: Wedding cake
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Q: Why are redneck murders so hard to solve?
A: The DNA is the same and there are no dental records.
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Leaving the poker party, late as usual, two friends compared notes. "I can never fool my wife," the first complained. "I turn off the car’s engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone."
"You’ve got the wrong technique, my friend," his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on my wife’s a**, and ask, ’How ’bout a little?’ and she pretends to be asleep."
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Hope you like 'em........!!!
2006-12-18 01:27:53 · answer #8 · answered by Nolagirl83 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Q: How do you circumcize a Redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw
2006-12-18 01:23:45 · answer #9 · answered by Souled Out 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q: what does michael jackson and nintendo have in common??
A: both are made of plastic and kids turn them on..
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Q: what is the difference betn michael jackson and a grocery bag?
A: one is plastic and harmful for kids and other is used for carrying groceries.
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Q: what does a mosquito and blonde have in common?
A: mosquito stops sucking after you hit it and a blonde starts sucking after you hit it.
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Q: what does hitler and mother-in-law have in common??
A: if you re-arrange the letters in mother-in-law, it gives you woman hitler
2006-12-18 02:45:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋