Should I make up with my parents? Is this my duty?

Question

When I was 13 I did some of those immature stuff stuff many teens do and my parents were too harsh, my father spanked me because I was disrespectful I changed and left a bad crowd, but got so resentful with my parents that I never got over what they did. In my opinion they did'nt act like parents. Since then I never got in trouble again and even made them proud of me, though never made up with them. Today, 10 years later, graduated, with a good job and still studying Chemistry, I have the same opinion. We never made up, avoid talking to them, haven't seen them for more almost 2 years. When my father spanked me, and my mom supported him, I swore I'd never make up withy them and I was for real. But now they want me back, keep calling and writing me, want me to spend this Christmas with them. But I have my principles. Some people say it's my duty to make up with them, but I don't think so. Why a duty?

Answer 1

It's unfortunate that you didn't have a good experience growing up, but continuing to hold a grudge is holding you back. You say you won't make up, but why? Because they hurt you back then? Forgiveness is the most powerful word in the English language, forgive them and move on with your life. As long as you hold on to the pain, the more you will continue to be vexed with this issue.

Plus you only have 2 biological parents - you may need them down the line, never burn your bridges.

I wish you luck!

Answer 2

The trouble with a lot of young people today is that they DON'T get spanked.

You were disrespectful and running around with a bad crowd, so you got spanked. And you are still holding a grudge against your folks. Well, you said you changed your life around, so the spanking must have helped, didn't it! It certainly made an impression on you.

I got spanked when I was naughty and didn't listen to them, but I knew my parents loved me and only wanted the best for me. It's a hard job being a parent, but most do what they think is best at the time.

You sound like an ungrateful brat to me. And very immature. Your parents don't owe you any apology. You need to apologize to them. Your parents love you, and you seem to get a lot of satisfaction out of making them suffer.

You have a lot of growing up to do. Act like the adult you think you are.

Answer 3

Wow, Sophia don't you think you have carried this around abit to long as it is. Sure you can have your principles but then you have to live a life that is free of unwanted baggage from the past too and move on. This happened when you were 13, and your now 23. Things from our past influence us in our live's today still. Parents are not perfect by any means, yours or mine. They do only what they know at the time. Sure 13 is abit old to be spanking someone. But that is only my opinion. Your parents felt differently. But you really need to let this go. Or you will be 43,53,63 and still holding onto this. Is it really worth it? When you can be thinking of something else alot more positive. You know you can love someone, but not like what they do. Your allowed you know to feel that. So what is wrong with just visiting your parents for the holidays and putting things to the side. Or better yet, if it bothers you this much then why not talk to them about it. Get it out in the open, you may find out some things that you may not have known about before. As for the word, "Duty" sure it could be your moral obligation to try to make up with your parents but only you can make that decision. Some people would do it out of respect for their parents. So you can think of it this way if you want too. Harbor this feeling, continue to hold on to these feelings and what are you proving, to whom, that you can sit alone for the holidays? Come on, you can have principles but then you are only hurting yourself. Were they so bad that you want to stay away from them forever, just because they spanked you when you were 13. If this is the case, then perhaps you need to seek some professional help and work on this before you do see your parents or your just going to be grumpy when your around them. Let it go, it's the Holidays. Your parents made mistakes, I am sure you make them too. No one is perfect.

Answer 4

Hi..I think that we all do stuff when we're teens and it doesn't make it right for parents to treat children in some of the ways they do.But..you have to remember that they are just people faced with a crisis they didn't know how to handle at that moment.By spanking you your dad thought it was the only way to change the situation and by supporting him your mom thought she was presenting a strong family alliance.That doesn't mean she agreed with it.It doesn't mean dad hasn't lost sleep over it.Did that spanking help you to turn your life around?If it did..then wasn't it worth it to be where you are?It doesn't take away the pain of what happened but maybe for a moment you could be a parent with a child you love more than life and be faced with something you don't know how to deal with.They are just people capable of mistakes.It is not your duty.

Answer 5

You got spanked once ? Good thing you did not live in my house. Spanking was the only form of punishment. I am not saying that it is right. For me, I resented the spankings but my brother felt that it lead him down the right path of life.

Start off with letters and phone calls. Eventually, you will be able to meet in person if not now. Forgive your parents and forgive yourself.

The bible teaches us that "Loving" one another is a must and God said that we should love one another as he has loved us. We do so much wrong yet God is always there for us. Ask God to heal your heart so that you can move forward with a relationship with your parents. This may be difficult and cause many tears during the process but it can be done. Don't be afraid to tell your Dad that you are still hurting from the spanking.

Best of luck.

P.S. When your relationship is in the healing process with your parents, anything may trigger the thought of the spanking and make you want to hate again...........don't let it...........thank God for the healing and keep moving forward with your relationship. You are an adult now and should be able to understand if not a little, why your parents did what they did.

Answer 6

Parents do the best they can at the time. Maybe spanking a 13 year old wasn't the best way to handle a problem - but it did have the desired effect (you didn't get into any more trouble).
Give them a chance - and maybe some family counseling - to see if a relationship is possible.
Is it principles or pride keeping you from at least responding to their overtures? Neither are very good companions.

Good luck and be happy!

Answer 7

You should not really mind your parents spanking on you.... they would have had a lot of issues to deal with in life... and when they saw you would become Yet another issue, they might have lost it!

They spanked cos they were really concerned about YOU!!!

And now if they r calling you back, it means they still love you more!

Its not your duty to go to them.... but just for a while remember how they took care of you, fed you, guided u in the right direction done sooo much for YOU!!

So what will you give them back in return!! The least you can do for now is go join them....make them proud and happy! They wont ask for more! they r not asking for money!!

Answer 8

it is not your "duty" although, as a mom of 4 and someone who doesnt talk to anyone in there family, i say give it one shot, if it does not work then you only missed a day or two of your life to be with them, i take it you dont have kids yet, your still young. your mind may change after you have your own kids and see just what the other side of things look like. Now on the other side of this, if your not ready then your not ready and it will not work. Wait until you are ready. I gave you two options because they are both real options. You have a lot of hatred and harsh feelings towards them. Deal with those issues first. Then try if you want.

Answer 9

Get over it, spankings were a dime a dozen when I grew up. I resented my parents too and now they are both gone for 6 and 7 years. You never get them back when they die.
Kids need spankings sometimes, I don't care what the so-called 'experts' say.
Have you ever been to a restraunt or a department store and you see people with their little darlings running around like little idiots? They need their butts beat.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Its not your duty to make up with them that is your choice and your choice only , I think the moral here is family is very important especially at holiday time, Also the main key is forgivness, Everyone makes mistakes and deserves a second chance i know how you feel i used to get a beating from my dad every second day and dispised him for many years i now have a child of my own and we get along much better than we ever did but feeling that haterid inside towards your parents is not helping you you need to be able to forgive them inorder to live your life without the burdon of what happened but you need to ask yourself this can you forgive them and move on with your life ? Are you ready to give them a second chance ?