do i finish the relationship?

Question

dont know what to do tried counselling it did work for a while but its gone back to how it was before no sex no kisses or cuddles my heart is sinking coz really love him abd he says he loves me too and still making plans, i live with him but im selling my house so we can buy one together. its like when he has loads on at work he totally forgets about me. he puts a lot of energy in his work and the gym. he knows what the problem is and says he understands how frustrating itmust be for me but he wont even try to make things easier between us think its time we went back to counselling or break up which i really dont want too and neither does he any counsellors out there to give us free advice thanks

Answer 1

It sounds like you're taking a big and possibly messy step. You should try to get all your "relationship issues" resolved, w/ a counselor or psychologist, etc. before moving forward. I believe the one most important question you should ask yourself is, can I really envision spending my whole life w/ this person? Unless things change I wouldn't make any kind of long term, life altering commitment. However, if you do decide to buy a house together, my advice to you is go to a lawyer and make sure your current assets are protected. If things don't work out it will be one less thing to deal w/ and could save you major headaches.

Answer 2

Your needs are different. It is important for you to have sex, kisses and cuddles and these aren't his priorities.
Was it ever affectionate or is this a phase due to having a large work load for him? If it is only a passing phase, then be patient and wait. If, the relationship, honestly was never very affectionate, then what you are doing is trying to change him into someone he isn't. All the counselling in the world will not change that.
If you are feeling needy, then find yourself a hobby or take an evening class - something that occupies YOUR time. Why not go to the gym with him? If he balks at you accompanying him to the gym, then I'd worry. Hire someone to tidy the house and before long, you won't notice the "lack" of affection because you will be busy with things that occupy your time. Then, your time with him will be special because you both will understand the other's position.
It is not up to him to make things better for you. It is up to you to make things better for you.
The first question you need to honestly answer for yourself is: "Was he ever really affectionate or did I want to believe this and therefore projected my desire on to him"?
If the answer is "no, he wasn't" then you are not suited for each other, owing to different needs.
If the answer is "yes, he was", then wait and see and try or not try taking up an interest in the meantime.

To schuschtermat; YOU are projecting your views about women on to her. Think about it.

Answer 3

He is giving what he has to offer, at least at this point, and since it is hard to predict an everchanging future, my suggestion is to use everything you know about him up to this point and not imagining that he will change. As the saying goes, "there is no such thing as a free lunch"--I say this because my advice is you think about what you will gain if you stay with him and what you will lose (or suffer over), and do the same thing if you leave him. Maybe thinking of things in this way will help you identify your priorities, i.e., what is most important to you. Yours is a big question, and I wish you the best in working it out. Finally, trust yourself and know that this is your life and you are the best one to make this decision.

Answer 4

Number one, please do not sell your house, or you will end up in hell, are you sure he is not on the dl? His interest might be in other people. Multiply your life now by 100,000 and that will give you an idea how your life with the person will be on a long term basis. Let this one go and I can almost promise you that you will find someone better who will want to hug, cuddle and everything else with you without involving an counseling session.

Answer 5

i say stop, take a deep breath and keep reading. DO NOT sell your house. If you are not happy int he relationship you two will eventually not be together and you will regret selling your house. He obviously is not going to change so, only you can make this decision. My one piece of advice is life is too short to be unhappy. Keep that in mind and remind him of that. This really sounds like a one sided relationship to me. Those never work. In any relationship it takes two. In your case it sounds like he is not doing his part, Leave him is my advice, maybe that will straighten him out and maybe it wont but, you two staying together is making you unhappy. It is not easy breaking up with someone but, it sounds like if you want to be happy in your life you need to break it off. Good luck to you...but, DO NOT sell your house.....If you do decide to stay with him, sell it only after you two have been happy together for a year... Not while he is not taking your feelings into consideration.

Answer 6

Sounds bad. I wouldn't buy a house with him. Keep yours. Find low cost counseling for yourself alone at a clinic connected with a college or social service agency. A pastor if you have any religious connection. Free advice from friends and family may be hard to take and/or biased.

Answer 7

Talk to him, communicate! its the best thing. tell him straight exactly how you feel. Tell him that you both need to figure out a way to fix this, if you say the both of you, theres a better chance he will react better than if you soley blame him.

Also drop it into the conversation that if nothing gets done about it, it may spell the end of things, no matter how much you both dont want it to. If he doesnt sit there with you and talk about it then, you know it really is the end because he is just being selfish.

Hope this helps.

Answer 8

I simply suggest you allocate one day to spend the day pretty much entirely with one another, take it in turns to cook for each other and make romantic gestures like a competition, and it will add spice to the relationship, and every week you have to try better one another in the last weeks gesture. Then you can build up on the passion and romance and express yourselves more regularly and openly.
Hope this helps! :D

Answer 9

Not a counseller, but the no sex or cuddles means that he is committed to work and not to you.
Back off.

Answer 10

U can't expect a person to be 100% perfect, because you are not a 100% perfect person. this is a proverb. U can understand his problums. just think if he is busy with works then how can he think about you? he have to concentrate on his works. if he think about u at working time then may be he have to lose the job. in life we have giveup something, may be we have to sacrifice something. so talk with him about ur problums and tried manage with him. on the other hand u can make him, thinking of you. its on your hand. anyway before make any dicision think well and then make it. life is beautiful. live it happily. pray god. take care of your self dear friend.